Tomorrow's Money

I opened my eyes to find that this wasn't just a dream. Gerard's face was still inches from mine and it had all been real, though it didn't feel it. I looked at him, already seeing the guilt hidden behind the satisfaction in his eyes. He was just as confused and bewildered as I was. He sat back for a moment,giving us both time to process what we'd just done.

"I'm so sorry." He said, quietly.

"What are you sorry for? That wasn't one sided." I admitted. I didn't want him to take all the blame, especially if someone found out somehow. It was equally my fault.

"I could get into some trouble here, with you being 17." He said, carefully. "I don't want to hurt your feelings but me, being a 24 year old, should want nothing to do with a girl your age."

"Do you?" I asked, feeling confident for no reason at all.

"Do I? Do I what? He asked, seemingly surprised at my change in attitude.

"Do you want anything to do with me?" I asked, even though the answer was obvious. If he didn't want anything to do with me, he wouldn't have been there.

"Well, yeah, but, it's wrong.." He said, fumbling his words. I could see his internal struggle, what right against what he wanted. I was just still in shock that he was interested in me. He was a gorgeous, older man. He had his life together, he was an adult, he had a heart of gold and hazel eyes that I could stare into for hours. I couldn't wrap my head around why he'd want anything to do with a 17 year old girl.

"Gerard." I said, softly, turning his face to look at me. "If you want to walk away and never talk about this again, that's okay. We can do that. I won't let you get in trouble for this, I promise." I didn't think I'd be the one to be the voice of reason, but it was helping him and that's really all that mattered.

He shifted in his seat, trying to figure out what to say to me. "Look, it's not like we're getting married. It was a kiss, it'll be fine. Right?" He reasoned.

"Yes Gerard." I laughed at him, he was so freaked out. I knew it was just his conscience getting to him. He really was a genuinely good guy. "Forget it and move on?" I asked. I wanted him to say no, but I would have been happy as long as he didn't leave.

"It'd be for the better." He said, visibly feeling relieved.

"Okay. Now let's finish this damn movie." I laughed, nudging his arm to lighten the mood. I was secretly a little disappointed, and maybe he was too, but he was right. It was for the better.

Inside, I wanted to cry a little. Gerard was seemingly perfect, and he, even if only for a second, wanted me. It felt good to be wanted by someone, especially someone so.. Gerard. It was hard to think about, all the reasons I liked him. He was artistic, a little quiet, but also funny and caring and so full of life. He brought out my flirty side that I didn't even know I had, a new confidence stirred in me when we kissed, but having to forget about it sucked. Big time.

Gerard left a while after our movie. We'd sat and talked about art for a long time, but we both knew he couldn't stay the night. He'd promised to leave his phone on loud and to call if I needed anything. Even through his internal struggle, he was still willing to push that aside to help me. Fucking heart of gold, I'm telling you.

I slipped off to sleep, only to be taken away to a dream where everything in life was perfect and Gerard, well, I guess you could say he made an appearance in dream land..