Save Me From Myself

I walked into school with my head down and my hood up, silently praying that no one noticed me. My arms and legs were aching from last night, and my head hurt from the lack of sleep, but my mom had told me to ‘just suck it up and go to school’ so here I was.
I sighed softly as I made it to my locker safely. I spun the dial slowly, the simple task of moving my arm making it sting. My skin kept rubbing against the fabric of my clothes, the touch burning painfully.
“Hey, hey, Kelly,” Jack said and shoved me around, my back slamming against the locker next to mine.
The air whooshed out of my lungs, making my entire chest ache as I fought to breathe. “What’s the matter Kelly?” he teased, using that stupid nickname. He and his friends had started calling me that about two months ago, insisting that I looked more like a girl than a boy.
“You look upset. Did you spend last night cutting yourself again?” I cringed in answer. “Ah, poor baby. Maybe I’ll go easy on you today,” he lied. There was no such thing as ‘easy’ with him. “Or maybe I won’t,” Jack continued and smacked me back against the locker again.
I winced in pain as my head hit the metal, although not hard enough to do any real damage. Jack was one of the bullies who was more about humiliation than physical pain. His friends took care of that for him anyways.
My head throbbed as Jack finally let go of me. He wasn’t doing anything to help my headache. “See you later Kelly-bear,” I glared after him as he loped off down the hallway, silently cursing the day he came up with that.
I shook my head and stuffed a couple of things into my bag before heading to class.
Some people made fun of me on the way there, although most just ignored me. No one really noticed I existed unless Jack was making a spectacle of me…or if I slipped or did something stupid and embarrassing.
I didn’t have any friends here either. No one wanted to be friends with the school loser. I had only been at this school for a week when I was branded the fag no one wanted to talk to. It was basically taboo to even deign to speak to me. Jack had beaten the shit out of the only person who had wanted to be my friend, and that was basically a warning to anyone else.
I sat down in the back of the class, hoping not to be noticed as I put my head down.
I didn’t know why people didn’t like me, or why I was a target. I had never mentioned my sexuality, and I couldn’t help it if I looked like a girl. I wasn’t doing anything to make myself look like one on purpose.
It was always like that though. I would start at a new school, and then about a week or so later, people would start to bully and shun me. I had switched schools twice this year, four times last year, and three times the year before.
My mom had had enough of that though, so I was stuck here.
Ms. Martinez came in the room then and sat down, most of the students having already filed in. She picked up her clipboard and pen and looked around the room for everyone, checking off who was here and who wasn’t.
“Vic?” she called and glanced over the students around the room. Vic held his hand up for her silently. “Oh there you are. I missed you the first time,” she said and smiled at him. He gave a friendly smile back and then looked back at his friend.
I didn’t know why he was even in this class, considering he was fluent in Spanish.
I watched him mess around on his phone for a bit, staring ridiculously. He had straight, brown hair that just brushed his shoulders and framed his face perfectly; along with sparkly brown eyes and tan skin.
I had a crush on him.
The only problem was that he didn’t know that I existed.
Vic wasn’t one of the kids who ignored or bullied me; he was just kind of there. No one really paid attention to him and his friends. He wasn't popular, but everyone knew who he was, and he was nice.
I had learned some things while watching in the background for the last three months. Like that he played guitar in a band with his friends, and that he had the most beautiful voice.
It was kind of high, although his normal voice wasn’t, and it sounded beautiful.
He also liked boys.
There were a few gay people here, although me and a few others were the only ones that got bullied for it.
No one seemed to care that Vic liked boys, because he liked girls too. He seemed to just live his life in the background, whereas I always tried to.
Everyday I would hope that no one noticed me, and it never worked.
I sighed and finally looked away from Vic. He had only spoken to me once, but he was kind, and my little crush had blossomed from there.
I had thought that he was attractive before, but no one was nice to me.
He had seen me trip in the hallway, and helped me up, before asking if I was okay. I wasn’t, but I had told him that I was.
He had smiled softly and picked up my books for me, just being generally kind.
And I kind of hated him for it.
It was easy to be alone, but it sucked to be lonely.
I had never dated anyone, and I rarely had crushes, because I hated everyone around me. Why would I like people who were mean to me?
But of course, Vic was sweet and attractive, and he had good music taste. So now, I just lived my life, silently gone for him, while he dated whoever he wanted.
He had seemed to have forgotten about me as soon as I was out of sight, and it sucked because I desperately needed someone.
Even if he would never like me, it would just be nice to have someone to talk to.
I knew I wasn’t good enough for him. I would never be good enough for him. But I wanted at least one person to not hate or resent me.
I was so alone. ~