I'll Jump for You Bill Kaulitz

Jeni was already asleep and it was only 10. I laid down on my bed in our room, contemplating on what to do.

Well…what was another day? I mean we’d been in Rome two weeks ago. Two weeks was almost enough to make me forget. And besides, Jeni was sleeping, she couldn’t nag me about calling him tonight.

Sarah walked into the room.

“Me and Deidre are going out okay?” she said.

Both of them had boyfriends. Oh whatever I wasn’t gonna stop them.

“Kay,” I replied.

“Did you want to come? We could help you look for a guy,” she smiled.

I shrugged. “I like being single.”

“Okay,” she sighed and left.

Sarah and Deidre had been trying to get a guy for me the whole time we’d been here, trying to take me out into the city and to clubs. I didn’t want a boyfriend. Nope, I was good.

Bill’s POV

We were playing a show in Berlin. It felt good to do shows again, Tokio Hotel was on top of the world again. And our German fans were the greatest.

I was pumped singing Schrei and Ubers Ende der Welt. My voice was going much better than it had been in those first few months after my surgery.

When it came time to slow it down a bit we did Rette Mich. I couldn’t help it, my thoughts turned instantly to Tara. I had stopped calling her, quite aware that she wasn’t gong to answer my calls.

I felt like crying when we started Heilig. I had told her it was our song. And I had meant it. The fans shouting was overpowering my voice, which was becoming weak. I just couldn’t keep up. I felt like stopping in the middle of the song, I just needed to sit down for a bit. But I couldn’t show my emotions onstage. Our fans would be disappointed.

Tom shot me a worried glance and I felt like I was going to hurl.

“Du wirst fur mich immer heilig sein. Ich sterb fur unsere Unsterblichkeit…” my eyes were flooding with tears as I thought of Tara, of that night we had spent together.

As soon as the song was over I ran backstage, leaving Tom, Georg, and Gustav already starting the next song-Love is Dead-without me. I heard the guitar stop and then the drums and bass too. Where was Bill with the lyrics, or where was Bill in general? everyone would wonder.

I heard a quick apology from Tom then.

I reached for my phone and shakily dialed Tara’s number.

“Hey, you’ve reached Tara. Leave a message after the beep.”

“Tara I don’t care if you ever call me again but I swear to Gott, I love you with everything in my heart and I don’t want to let you go. It was a stupid decision that both of us made and we never meant for you to see it like you did. Tara, please, just know that I loved you. I still love you. Gott I’m calling you in the middle of a fucking show. I can’t live without you Tara. I need you so much and I just can’t forget you….”

I turned around. Tom was looking at me sadly, maybe he understood fully now. I was crying like a baby, and though I knew it would embarrass him I hugged him tight anyway. He was my twin, and he always made me feel better.

“We’ll find her Bill. Don’t worry,” he gave me a pat on the back and when I wouldn’t let go he peeled me off of him.

I exhaled and we walked out on stage together. I had enough strength to sing Love is Dead. Hm…this seemed to be our song now. No longer was it Sacred. Our love was dead…

“We die when love is dead. We lost a dream we never had!” I screamed out the lyrics, and it made me feel a bit better.

I was glad Ich Brech Aus was next. I was pumped up to sing it and jumped around the stage like an idiot. God it made me feel good to hear those thousands of people screaming for us. It made me feel wanted for once.

Tara’s POV

I went onto my laptop and signed on to AIM. I talked to tons of friends from high school, all of whom were excited for college. Some of them had gone to the nearby campus at Illinois State, others had gone to Michigan and Ohio State and still others had gone to good schools around the area.

On of my best friends, Jamie, had gone to the Chicago campus of Illinois State. I talked to her for awhile.

xnorthernxdownpourx-hey jammmmiee!

foreverxxyours-hey sexy!! how’s nyc??

xnorthernxdownpourx-its amazin! reminds me of chicago. hows i.s.?

foreverxxyours-its really cool. there are a lot of kids from our school. hey how was rome you didn’t talk about it much.

xnorthernxdownpourx-uh…it was okay. sorta boring. the concert was good.

foreverxxyours-hmm i was askin bea how it was and she didn’t seem quite interested in talkin about it either. she said something about how she hasn’t talked to you in two weeks. whats up with that?

xnorthernxdownpourx-me and bea have a lot of differences. we both realized there were a lot of them.

foreverxxyours-yeah she is like wayyy too emo. i heard she started cutting herself.

I knew I was probably to blame for that one.

xnorthernxdownpourx-personally i don’t care bout her anymore

foreverxxyours-i only ever talked to her cuz u guys were friends. eh you don’t need her. excited for school?

xnorthernxdownpourx-yepers. starts in five days. the day b4 im gonna be on trl baby. my roommate got tix for it and im goin with.

foreverxxyours-awesome! i’ll look for you. lol

xnorthernxdownpourx-i’ll be sure to wave XD

foreverxxyours-ugh bbl my roommate is callin me.

xnorthernxdownpourx-kk. ciao baby.

foreverxxyours-*kiss* *kiss* bye.

foreverxxyours has signed off.

I put my laptop back in its little cubby along with some school books and took out my cell. I hadn’t checked it in awhile.

Three missed texts from Cam, one missed voicemail. I decided to check voicemail.

I heard Bill’s voice instantly and was tempted to stop listening. But I couldn’t ignore him forever. I just couldn’t. So I listened.

His voice was weak, it sounded like he was crying or just about to. I had been too quick to judge him and when I was done listening to his message I was crying myself.

It wouldn’t do good to call him now, he’d only called about twenty minutes ago and he was probably still doing the show. My head was aching and racing with thoughts once again.

I got off my bed and went into the kitchen. Our fridge was almost empty. There was some yogurt, cranberry juice, a quart of milk, some salad dressing, cucumbers, some leftover Chinese, and some feta cheese. The freezer was full of processed crap like Hot Pockets and these frozen bean burritos. Only Jeni ate that junk.

I grabbed one of Jeni’s protein bars from the pantry and then sat on the couch in the living room. I had planned on watching TV but instead just sat there looking blankly at the black screen.

Bill’s words were still fresh in my mind. ‘I love you…I won’t let you go...a wrong decision…”

Hell it was.

I started crying and though I knew he’d still be singing, I dialed Bill’s number.

His voicemail picked up. It was something in German, so I just waited for the beep.

“Hi Bill…its Tara. I got your message and I…I just wanted to talk. Call me tomorrow if it’s too late. Okay…bye.”

I let out a deep breath as I closed my phone. I just hoped I was right in calling him back.

Now what to do about Bea. She had been my best friend. And yet the friends I had didn’t approve of her. Oh fuck it I would call her in the morning. Maybe.

Bill didn’t call back that night. I stayed up till one waiting, but then fell asleep on the couch.