I'll Jump for You Bill Kaulitz
Breathe Slowly in and Out.
I concluded fast that I missed home.
I mean I loved New York, don’t get me wrong, but I missed high school, when things were simple. I missed Chicago. New York was just too big and too scary. I confessed this to Jeni when she came home from play practice that night. She was exhausted from dancing and singing for two and half hours but at least she listening.
“I miss my room with the hundreds of pictures of Bill and I missed the life that I used to have. I miss being obsessed with Tokio Hotel and I miss Chicago so much. All my friends went to Illinois State and here I am in New York City. Jeni, I feel like I don’t belong here,” I confessed all this to her in our room, and she was like half-asleep. But I didn’t care. “I just wish I were going into senior year again.”
“Don’t we all,” Jeni sighed, unmoving on her bed. “I’m glad to be out of Pennsylvania. It’s crap there.”
“I just wanna go home.”
“Already? Don’t you like all this freedom?”
“I’m afraid to grow up Jeni. I’ve been under strict guidance my whole life and now I’ve got all this freedom and I really don’t want it.”
“Well at least you have the chance to study abroad like every year. You’re never gonna be in New York.”
I didn’t know what was coming over me. I laid in bed that night just thinking about life. Was journalism what I really wanted to do? Damn it just didn’t feel right and school hadn’t even started yet.
It was like there seriously was something missing. I took out my sketchbook and found a big mailing envelope in the kitchen. I didn’t even know what I was doing, but I put the address for Cosmo Chicago on it anyway. I laid it with the other letters to be mailed out in the kitchen and laid back in bed.
For some reason I felt better. I mean I felt like there was some meaning to things now. Why do things you didn’t even liked? I barely even liked writing let alone write about movies.
What the hell was going on with me? There was something seriously wrong and I felt a strong urge for home. I needed to go home. Heck I didn’t need to learn. I didn’t need college. I fell asleep crying that night.
The next morning I sent the mail out, my letter and my sketchbook to Cosmo as well. And after that I called my mom.
I told her what was going on, how indescribable I felt.
“You’re just worried for college, honey,” my mom said. “You have a lot of freedom now and don’t let it go to your head.”
Wow that helped in no way at all.
But today was the day. The day things could change. Could being with Bill Kaulitz change things? I was sure it might.
I mean I loved New York, don’t get me wrong, but I missed high school, when things were simple. I missed Chicago. New York was just too big and too scary. I confessed this to Jeni when she came home from play practice that night. She was exhausted from dancing and singing for two and half hours but at least she listening.
“I miss my room with the hundreds of pictures of Bill and I missed the life that I used to have. I miss being obsessed with Tokio Hotel and I miss Chicago so much. All my friends went to Illinois State and here I am in New York City. Jeni, I feel like I don’t belong here,” I confessed all this to her in our room, and she was like half-asleep. But I didn’t care. “I just wish I were going into senior year again.”
“Don’t we all,” Jeni sighed, unmoving on her bed. “I’m glad to be out of Pennsylvania. It’s crap there.”
“I just wanna go home.”
“Already? Don’t you like all this freedom?”
“I’m afraid to grow up Jeni. I’ve been under strict guidance my whole life and now I’ve got all this freedom and I really don’t want it.”
“Well at least you have the chance to study abroad like every year. You’re never gonna be in New York.”
I didn’t know what was coming over me. I laid in bed that night just thinking about life. Was journalism what I really wanted to do? Damn it just didn’t feel right and school hadn’t even started yet.
It was like there seriously was something missing. I took out my sketchbook and found a big mailing envelope in the kitchen. I didn’t even know what I was doing, but I put the address for Cosmo Chicago on it anyway. I laid it with the other letters to be mailed out in the kitchen and laid back in bed.
For some reason I felt better. I mean I felt like there was some meaning to things now. Why do things you didn’t even liked? I barely even liked writing let alone write about movies.
What the hell was going on with me? There was something seriously wrong and I felt a strong urge for home. I needed to go home. Heck I didn’t need to learn. I didn’t need college. I fell asleep crying that night.
The next morning I sent the mail out, my letter and my sketchbook to Cosmo as well. And after that I called my mom.
I told her what was going on, how indescribable I felt.
“You’re just worried for college, honey,” my mom said. “You have a lot of freedom now and don’t let it go to your head.”
Wow that helped in no way at all.
But today was the day. The day things could change. Could being with Bill Kaulitz change things? I was sure it might.
♠ ♠ ♠
only a few more ch. to go =]