Nirvana

Even he knows snakes come in many shapes and sizes

They had arrived in Pittsburgh early that morning, James had spent the entire trip from the airport to their hotel silent. He simply watched all the buildings and landmarks of the city he spent so many years in pass in a blur. He was grateful that none of his teammates tried to make conversation with him, they probably knew how weird it was to be back here. He followed the herd like a sheep off the bus and into the hotel, and by the time he and Mike had gotten into their room James dropped onto his back on the bed and let out a puff of air.

After a long silence between the two of them Mike finally told him, "It's still weird playing in Ottawa sometimes."

James turned his head toward his teammate, surprised by that. He had heard some of the talk between guys in the league about his trade to Nashville, how he had asked for the trade or something of that nature that James now knew to be untrue. He couldn't help but ask, "But it's better here. For personal reasons, yeah?"

"Yeah I mean don't get me wrong we were pretty floored when they told me Nashville, but even still it's a little weird sometimes. Seeing the guys I used to play with, the fans still supporting me."

James let out a very short laugh, "Yeah not so sure it's gonna go that great for me tonight."

"You'd be surprised." Was all Mike told him.

"I was a colossal fuck up the last 2 seasons. I'd be surprised if things didn't get thrown at me." James muttered, pushing his hand through his hair.

Mike shrugged in response, "Things always seem worse to us than it did to them."

James didn't say anything in response to that. He didn't know what to say. All he knew was that he had obviously been traded for a reason, and that he knew how he felt about his play leading up to the trade so he could only imagine how pens fans felt about it. He wasn't sure if his return would be welcomed by fans and players alike. He knew his former teammates would likely understand the trade was a difficult adjustment but James took difficult to a whole new level, so much so that he hadn't talked to most of them since before the new season had started. That was always the oddest part of being traded, going from one dressing room and talking to one group of guys nearly every day to a new dressing room with new guys. Adjustment, James was really beginning to hate that word.

- - -

4-0. At least they had won. James wasn't that impressed with himself but that wasn't a new thing lately. He had gone back to the hotel with his team, but while they all went for dinner together James sat on a chair in the lobby waiting for Paul.

When Paul arrived they hugged briefly, in the manliest way possible of course, before finding a seat in the restaurant. Once they were seated Paul asked, "So how's it's going?"

"Good. You?" James took a large drink of his water and leaned back in his seat. He pulled his tie even looser than he had upon leaving the arena, and ran a hand through his hair.

Paul watched him for a moment, deciding not to call him on his bullshit for once. Instead he shrugged and told him, "Can't complain."

"How's Casey?" James asked curiously, he was surprised not to find her tagging along with Paul. In the two years they had been dating Paul and Casey were almost never not together. Whenever Paul and James did anything she was with them, not that James minded. He honestly did like her, and Casey had made one hell of a wing woman in post Sarah Pittsburgh.

"Probably getting a tan somewhere off the Pacific." Paul told him as if it were the most natural thing to say. When James raised his eyebrow at this Paul explained, "Guess the life of an NHL WAG wasn't working for her anymore."

"Sorry man." James didn't know what else to say to that. What else could you say to that? He had honestly been expecting to get a 'she said yes' call any day.

"It's fine. Better to find out now than years later with kids and a dog you know?" Paul stated. James nodded slowly in agreement. Finally Paul asked, "So… how's Harley? You're still not screwing that up?"

James couldn't help but chuckle at that, "Only on occasion. She's good, bar renos started today."

"Do you at least have a picture of her? Because I'm picturing blonde and tall knowing you." Paul told him, and he crunched his brows together when James laughed at him. Waiting patiently as James fished his phone from his pocket and scrolled through his camera roll. Finally he settled on his favorite picture of her, with Hannah and Shea after a game the month earlier. He slid his phone across the table to Paul, who was surprised immediately upon seeing the picture. Not only was she a brunette but she was much, much shorter than expected. Curiously he asked, "Who's the kid?"

"Weber's."

Paul nodded, handing James his phone before asking, "So I take it she's taking to WAG life pretty good?"

James chuckled, "Actually no she pushes back pretty hard on that one. She's known Shea for a few years."

Paul nodded slowly before stating, "Sounds confusing."

"I don't try to understand it." James told him with a casual shrug. He shoved his phone into his pocket again and told him, "You should come out my way after the seasons over. House is finally done, bar renos will be done, you'll get to meet Harley."

"Yeah maybe I will. You're not asking me this for any specific reason are you?" Paul asked him curiously. When James raised his eyebrow, clearly not understanding what Paul was getting at he explained, "Rings and white dresses?"

"God no." James said quickly, so quick in fact that it was Paul who raised his eyebrow this time. Realizing what he had said and how he had said it James quickly told him, "I mean one day but not that soon. She just told me she loves me, I'm thinking getting down on one knee might send her running to the hills."

Paul nodded and smiled gently, not quite believing the excuse James was giving him. He knew him well enough to know when he was pulling something out of his ass and this was no different.

- - -

With dinner over and Paul gone James glanced at his watch. It was late, but he knew his teammates wouldn't be back for a while. He stood at the elevator, trying to decide if he wanted to go up to his room or if he wanted to go back into the restaurant. Against his better judgement he turned away from the elevator doors and walked back into the restaurant and toward the bar.

While they were paying James' eyes had caught on the head of a blonde that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about. He scanned the bar area and then he saw her. Sitting with her back to him with a glass of wine. Sarah.

He didn't know what was wrong with him but his legs started moving and he couldn't make them stop until he was standing beside her and her name was coming out of his mouth. She turned toward him, her she's lighting up and she exclaimed, "James!"

"I thought that was you" He was surprised when she got up and hugged him quickly, and James found she still wore the same perfume that she had when they were together. He was reminded now of how much he originally hated the floral scent, having gotten used to it early in their relationship.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Nashville?" She asked as she sat down again, patting the seat beside her.

He didn't know why but he sat down, ordered himself a drink and told her, "Back for a game."

"So how long are you back for?" She asked.

He tried not to notice the disappointed look on her face when he told her, "We leave tomorrow."

"Well that's no fun."

James smiled, took a long sip of his drink and then asked her, "So what's new?"

"Nothing really. Went back to school, got my degree and got married." James followed her gaze down to her hand where a large ring sat. Much bigger than the one he had spent nearly 3 months picking out for her. Before he could comment on that she asked him, "What about you? How's Nashville treating you?"

"Good, I'm liking it there. We have a good group of guys, good team."

She let out a small laugh and told him, "I'm not a post game reporter you know."

"Right." James said, chuckling to himself. A couple seconds later he told her, "I've been seeing someone."

"That's great. For how long?"

He struggled with how to answer this. Finally after a few silent moments he said, "Officially? Four months. Unofficially six."

They spent another 15 minutes and a drink refill talking and catching up. Somehow during those fifteen minutes Sarah's hand had ended up high on James' thigh and his arm was resting on the back of her chair, his fingers brushing against her bare skin. They were laughing and Sarah was giving him that look that he had up until now forgotten about; the through the lashes up at him look she used to give him when she wanted something very specific from him.

James felt a little bit of disappointment when Sarah looked down at her watch, got up from her chair, looked at him and said, "It's getting late. I should probably go."

James smiled gently and nodded, "Yeah, probably."

He followed her out into the lobby, watched her put her coat on and she turned to him and told him, "It was really great to see you again."

"Do you want to come up?" James had no idea why he had said it, but it came out of his mouth without him really realizing what he said, and his voice sounded so foreign to him.

She seemed to think about it for a few moments before she nodded slowly, as if she was suddenly shy. She followed James to the elevator and they rode up to the sixth floor in silence, walked down the hall in silence and entered the room in silence.

Once the door closed Sarah turned to him and before she could get a word out James leaned down and pressed his lips against hers tightly, both hands on the sides of her face. Her own hands slid up his sides and to his back as his tongue swiped across her bottom lip. Without breaking apart they made their way to his bed.

They pulled apart only long enough for James to pull her shirt over her head, as well as yank his own off. His hands immediately pulled her against him again, their hot skin pressed against each other as James' fingers rubbed against the sides of her padded bra as his lips found hers again and they tumbled to the bed. James on his back with Sarah on top of him.

He sat up just the slightest and his lips moved from hers to her neck, where she almost immediately let out a moan. He smirked against her skin as she pushed her hips against his, even after all this time he still remembered that one perfect spot. His smirk however faded when her hands went to his back and he felt the cool metal of her ring press into the skin of his shoulder blade. He immediately pulled away and got out from under her, telling her, "We can't be doing this."

"Why not?" She asked with a pout.

James grabbed her hands and looked at her rings as he told her, "You're married."

"My marriage is a joke. He's screwed his way through half of Pennsylvania by now." Sarah told him, her hand was rubbing his side in the comforting way she used to after a bad game, or a loss, and she looked up at him full of lust and asked, "Besides, didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend?"

"I do." James told her and his focus went out the window when her hand moved to his lap.

"So what's she doing in Nashville while you're in here with me?" She asked him, smiling when he let out a deep breath as her hand moved up and down against the fabric of his jeans. Despite what he was voicing she unzipped his pants and James didn't even say anything as her hand slid under the waist band of his boxer briefs. Sarah looked up at him through her lashes again and asked with a small smile, "Isn't that the golden question?"

James had no idea what he was doing or how he had gotten here. How he had went from kissing his perfect girlfriend goodbye to getting a hand job from his now married ex girlfriend in a hotel room. He had no idea who he even was right now, in fact he was sure if he had looked in the mirror right now he wouldn't recognize himself. This couldn't possibly be happening right now.

Finally he jumped up from the bed and separated himself from Sarah by at least five feet, telling her, "I think you should go."

"Are you sure?" She asked him as she also got up from the bed. She watched as James took another step back from her as she moved toward him, and as she looked at him she could tell he was struggling with his choice.

James simply told her, "Positive."

Sarah gathered her things, putting on both her shirt and jacket before slinging her purse over her shoulder and following James to the door. Before he opened the door she turned to him and asked him, "For the record, no matter how far we went tonight, I cheated on someone who won't even care that I did. Can you say the same?"

He practically slammed the door behind her and paced the floor of the hotel room. His hands combed through his hair and he looked down at his crotch, before shaking his head at himself. He took a cold shower, packed up his bag and got into bed with the hope that he could fall asleep quickly.

He was still awake when Mike walked in 35 minutes later, but he kept his back to Mike's bed and his eyes closed. After a few minutes of shuffling around all the lights went out and James stared at the wall by his bed.

Fuck.
♠ ♠ ♠
Oh my god
I actually feel bad for this update
But it had to be done (please don't send an army to kill me)

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