Anything to See You Smile

Oli forced himself to stay awake until Andy came home which wasn't until the next evening. He looked just as irritated as he had when he'd left.
"Andy-"

"I don't want some pathetic excuse this time. Not now." The hardness in his voice frightened Oli who looked down at his hands again subconsciously.

"Look at me." He did as he was told as Andy shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up before turning back to him.

"After all the work you put in...you didn't do this just for a kick. There's something you're not telling me. And if you want us to stay friends I suggest you start talking."

"You can't blackmail me into telling yo-"

"Why not?!" Andy yelled loudly, making Oli flinch.

"You are so...selfish! You dont care about yourself, that's fine. Whatever. But if our friendship actually meant anything to you, you wouldn't have dreamt of making me go back to Shay's apartment after what he tried to do to me last time-"

"I am sorry! You have no idea how much I hate myself. I wish I could go back in time and think things through and not do it, but I can't! I was upset and weak and pathetic and selfish and I just did it. I don't know what to say-"

"Tell me the truth for once! I think I deserve it after all this shit I've put up with from you!" Oli didn't realise he'd been crying until a tear tickled his nose.

"I know and I'm sorry...but I met Josh before it to talk about something and...I was upset on my way home and I walked into Shay dealing in the alley behind The Dolphin-"

"I know what happened. I'm asking why." Oli could see the tension and anger rolling off Andy in waves. He was absolutely livid.

"I'm sorry for doing what I did. I thought it'd be a relief for me...you know like how it used to make me feel?" Andy nodded.

"But it didn't make me feel like it used to. It didn't help. So...don't worry I'm not gonna go into a full-scale relapse." Andy was relieved but didn't show it.

"Is that supposed to make this any better?"

"No..." Andy looked at his suddenly frail-looking body and had to sniff back tears. Anger diminished in a seconds glance.

"I cannot lose you again." Oli looked up at him for the first time with tear-stained cheeks.

"I can't do it." Andy shrugged.

"You won't."

"I mean it. I can't watch you torture yourself over things you won't let me help you with. I don't know what's wrong, but if you won't talk to me you need to see a shrink because if you overdose or have a bad trip or a bad batch and I lose you I can't-" He cut off, sobbing into the shoulder that was offered to him when Oli grabbed hold of him and hugged him tightly.

"I swear I won't touch it again. I swear it. On your life."

"Swear on your own."

"Yours means more." Andy's lip trembled and he fought back his emotions at the simple, honest words.

"I'm still pissed at you." Oli nodded quickly.

"And if you go to Shay's...or anyone else's for that matter and you call me again...I won't come to help you." He nodded again, understandingly.

"And....and if you die by drugs, I'll make sure they play Megan Trainor and Justin Bieber at your funeral." Oli laughed shakily in relief and Andy chuckled gently, still shaken from the entire situation.

"Deal. I swear though, I won't do it. I won't touch them again. I meant what I said....it didn't feel the way it used to. So there's no point in doing it again." Andy nodded.

"Fine....but....oh-" He pulled away from the hug and screwed his eyes shut, rubbing away the moisture before he threatened to get any more emotional.
"...just...I don't know....just-"

"I swear, Andy." He bit his lip and nodded apprehensively.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower then I think you need to do the same...." With that he left and tried to erase the feeling of unease at how close he'd come to spilling the beans about his feelings to his best friend. He'd almost told him. He'd almost ruined everything, again.

"I'm here for you. Do whatever you want with me." Oli took in the sight of his helplessly aroused best friend, hard and leaking, tied to the chair and writhing against his bonds. Andy was panting slightly and looked at him desperately, silently begging for Oli to do something.
Oli sauntered forwards, sexy, dominant, confident. Andy's eyes were black with lust. His cheeks flushed. A bead of sweat dropped from his hair into his torso and Oli mopped it up with his tongue as he knelt down, teasing Andy for as long as he could bear it - touching his body, kissing, licking, until he himself became too impatient to wait any longer. He took Andy in his mouth in one swift movement, feeling the weight of his impossibly hard cock that was close to bursting point, and making him slick for what he had planned. Andy's muscles stuttered above him and he pulled off.

"Don't you dare come yet." His voice came out rough and he could see Andy's reaction to it, the way his pupils dilated even further- Oli woke up too far gone to even have time to feel guilty about his subconscious' filthy fantasies.

Andy felt Oli's presence the next day. He wasn't tense so much as he was quiet.
"You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks."

"How do you feel?"

"Guilty."

"I mean physically...I know how bad you feel."

"Yeah, fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm a bit shaky...headache...had cold sweats in the night...but I'm fine. I'm not craving it if that's what you're worried about." He leant on the counter and sighed, bowing his head in shame as he snapped at his friend.

"I'm sorry, Andy."

"It's okay. But um....is there anything else?"

"Nope." He forced a smile and headed towards the shower, desperate to wash away his shame.

Andy felt horribly restless again as he sat in the apartment waiting for Oli to come home. He'd left early, offering no explanation, and Andy knew he needed to meet up with Sebastian, relieve some of his tension but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was terrified of missing Oli if he came home.

"Andy! Dude, open the door!" Jake yelled, Andy suddenly appeared at the door and he eyed him up and down.

"Sweatpants? What did Oli do now?"

"Come in." Jake flopped into a chair and put his feet up on Andy's lap when he sat down.

"Relapsed." Jake's jaw dropped.

"What?! What the fuck, Andy?! Why didn't you tell me?? The fucking bastard- did you have to go to his dealer's apartment again?" Andy sighed as he waited for Jake's outburst to end. Jake finally calmed down and returned to his seated position.

"He's a selfish bastard..."

"I know. But it's not like the last time. He's not going into a full-scale relapse. He doesn't feel the need to do it again, so he's really off it for good now." Jake nodded.

"Well that's a relief - but he didn't know that before he took it, did he? He didn't know that he wouldn't be put right back to where he was a few years ago."

"I know, I know." Andy sighed heavily, not wanting to discuss it any further.

"What's with you?"

"It's just been a long week."

"You've been off for ages. You look exhausted, man. You sleeping?"

"No."

"Andyyy."

"Jaaake." He mimicked his friend as he walked into the kitchen to make them a drink.

"Why not?"

"How am I supposed to know."

"You're a crap liar."

"I know."

"So tell me." Andy looked down at his hands on the counter as he waited for the kettle to boil, and mentally leafed through all the arguments he'd had with himself about confessing his problem to Jake. His other problem.

"...look, seeing as it's just you and me here..."

"Yes?"

"Is it to do with your BDSM stuff?"

"Kind of, not really, I don't know."

"Ok....well, how's that going? You have a....partner?"

"I have a Dom, yes."

"Right. Ok."

"His name's Sebastian. He's a nice guy."

"But he's a Dom?"

"You can be a Dom and a nice guy, Jake." Andy turned round and handed him a mug.

"I know....how...I don't know-"

"Just ask, Jake. I don't care."

"What do you do?"

"Everything bar bodily functions." Jake nodded as he tried to process the new information.

"Does he hurt you?"

"That's part of it."

"I mean..." Jake struggled to find the right words and Andy chose to give him the answer before either of them knew the question.

"He helps me, Jake. He pulls me out of my head, brushes off the shit then puts me back together. If that means a little pain...then so be it." Jake nodded.

"You're still not convinced."

"I worry that you're getting addicted to this. I think...I feel like you're using a short term solution to a long term problem, Andy. I mean, I'm no psychologist and tell me if I'm wrong but..." He trailed off and Andy took in his evaluation, knowing full well that it was true.

"You're right."