Anything to See You Smile

"You're right." Andy fought with the words that danced on the tip of his tongue.

"You can talk to me about anything." Andy's shoulders tensed up and he nodded.

"I know.....I know. I am getting addicted to it. Because it makes me feel better. It takes away this hyperactive feeling, the tension. It makes me forget for a few hours..." Jake just sat where he was, quiet, steady, just waiting for when Andy would be ready to get it out.

"I....I'm in love with Oli." Jake was shocked for all of a few seconds, quickly realising that it all made sense now.

"Oh. Wow....ok. How long?"

"Since school." Jake was shocked at that.

"Jesus.....so it's..I mean-"

"It's just too much. I can't handle it, Jake - It's driving me mad! I can't sleep, every time I do I have dreams about him, my fucking sex drive is-" Oli walked through the front door at that point and Andy turned round to hide his flushed skin.

"Hey."

"Hey man, what's up?" Andy could feel Jake's eyes on him as he spoke.

"Nothing really, I'm going out with Josh and the guys - you two wanna come?"

"No thanks. I think we've got stuff to talk about." Oli raised a concerned eyebrow at Andy and he forced a smile.

"Band stuff."

"Oh, course. Anyways, I'm just grabbing some stuff - I think I'm staying at Josh and Dans tonight cause it's gonna be a late one so if you're not coming I don't wanna be too annoying." Andy smiled, nodding understandingly and Oli did as he'd said.

Oli exhaled a breath he didn't know he'd been holding in.
It was all a lie really. He didn't want to come home drunk, that was true, but not because he was worried about annoying Andy. He was terrified of coming home drunk and doing something stupid. He knew if he got drunk at this stage of their tense relationship, that he'd end up confessing his feelings or kissing him...or something worse. And that wasn't a risk Oli was prepared to take, so he chose to stay away instead. It was safer.

Andy breathed a sigh of relief when he left again, closing the door behind him, putting a barrier between them.
"How the fuck have you been living together all this time?" Andy shrugged wearily.

"You need some time away from him. I'm gonna call John and see if he can get us some tour dates or something cause this is-"

"No." Jake looked at him steadily.

"I can't leave now...not...I can't."

"Are you saying that you're gonna tell him?"

"Of course not but-"

"Then but nothing you need time out!"

"No! If I run away now then we're just gonna completely drift apart."

"And get some peace."

"I don't want peace, I want my best friend back!!!!"

Oli shut his eyes as he heard Andy shout the words.
"I do too, Andy. I do too." But that was never going to happen, he realised, he didn't know why, and he bitterly regretted not being within earshot of the beginning of their conversation, but he knew the problems between them weren't just in his head when Andy shouted those words. For whatever reason, their friendship was at breaking point. And Oli didn't know what to do to fix it.

"I know, but that's not gonna happen all the time you're feeling like this. It must be killing you."

"It...I'm fine." Jake's eyebrows leapt up.

"Ok, it's not easy. But I just want us......" Jake watched sadly as Andy gave up trying to convince them both and leant heavily on the counter, head hanging downwards in defeat.

"I want him."