Anything to See You Smile

"Shit...d-do you remember his face?! When he sat down?!! It went through the microphone as well!! Echoed!!"

"St-st-st-sto-" Oli couldn't even utter the word he was laughing too heavily, they waited for their laughter to die down before Andy climbed back onto the couch from where he'd fallen off of it. Oli kicked Andy gently.

"Oi, get your feet out my face."

"They're not in your face, this is in your face." Oli spilt his glass of whiskey - that he'd finally agreed to drink after so many years - on himself as he grappled with his friend while he pushed his clammy, bony feet onto his face and kept them there.

"Get off you bastard!!!"

"Make me."

"I will!" He shoved Andy off the couch and ran into his room to escape, the pale man scrambled up off the floor and chased after him, fighting the door open and tackling him onto the bed where he proceeded to tickle him until his face was almost purple from lack of oxygen.

"You're an asshole." Oli breathed as Andy left to fetch the whiskey.

"You love me really!"

"Get off me, you're fucking bones are sticking into me." Oli protested to no avail when Andy returned and sat on him.

"What about you...you're the worst pillow ever."

"Don't sit on me then!!"

"I just looove to spite you though." Andy mocked before handing him the bottle.

"Do you remember the girls school the other side of the village...The Ashes? That girl Kathy McCleen?" Oli just whistled in reply and Andy laughed, laying down next to him.

"Man, everyone wanted her. Even the girls."

"They all wanted you." Oli smirked.

"Some."

"Why did you never do anything about it?"

"Wasn't interested." He shrugged.

"More like you were too scared to talk to the ones you did like." Oli laughed quietly.

"Yeah well..all the art girls wanted you, why did you never do anything about them?"

"I was terrified of them." They laughed softly for a while, sighing when it was over, taking more sips of the burning liquid.

"We've always been shit at relationships...do you ever think there's something wrong with us?" Oli asked, sitting up and looking down at the other man.

"No, I think they're the ones with the problem. They all have a problem with us." Oli raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Think about it. What was that girls name...you were with her the longest...Sandra?"

"Sandy." Oli corrected.

"Yes! Her! You were with her for four months - which is your longest relationship to date. Do you remember what she said when she dumped you? She had a ten minute rant about-"

"About how much time you and me spend with one another....yeah..." Oli cringed at the memory.

"Exactly! I mean, women have best friends who they do everything with...do we get jealous of a friendship? No!! That's just stupid. I think they're the ones with the problem." Oli chuckled.

"Yeah, but that girl Taylor who you dated? I think she was well within her rights to be pissed off." Oli walked out to the balcony as he spoke and Andy followed.

"How?!"

"Oh come on, Andy! You got those Red Hot Chili Pepper tickets for free and you took me instead of her, on her birthday."

"Yes I know, but she didn't even like them and you love them so I knew the ticket would be wasted on her. I said we'd celebrate her birthday the next day...but she didn't go for it did she? That's on her." Andy glanced at him sideways and they laughed again.

"Shit...our dating record, man." Oli shook his head and chuckled as he took another sip of the alcohol.

"Oli, are you happy?" Andy was suddenly serious and Oki frowned.

"Well yeah."

"I'm serious. In your life, right now, are you happy?" Oli snorted incredulously.

"Well...yeah. I mean...yeah." He shrugged.

"Why? Tell me why." Oli sighed.

"Ok...I have you for a best friend. And all our other friends, I'm close with my family, the band is going strong and the comic books are taking off...I'm doing what I love and I never thought I'd actually be able to do that. So yeah, I'm happy. Now tell me why you ask."

"Oh...you know me, whiskey-"

"Whiskey doesn't mean shit, it doesn't change you. Talk to me." Andy looked bleakly out at the city.

"I just overthink things, don't I? When things start going well...I have to ruin it for myself."

"Because you doubt yourself too much, you don't think you deserve it for some reason when all you've ever done is work for it." Andy screwed his eyes up and Oli recognised the pain there.

"Did your dad get in touch?" Andy nodded weakly.

"When? How long have you been feeling like this?"

"Couple months." Oli cursed.

"Why didn't you tell me?! What did he say?"

"Dunno...he slated me, as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"I hate him. He's a cruel bastard. All he's ever done is crush you, grind you down, bully you-"

"Hey."

"What?! Don't try and defend him! I hate him! I have to see what you go through every time he gets in touch with you, and I hate it! It hurts me so god knows what it must be doing to you!!! He's a vile human be-"

"Stop it! He's an asshole, I know, but he raised me singlehandedly. That can't have been easy."

"And I appreciate that. But it doesn't excuse what he does to you."

"Well he did a dam sight better job than my mum did!!!"

"That doesn't mean he's done well!! I have to watch you go from this optimistic, funny, outgoing, talented man to a nervous, self-loathing, shameful wreck. He kills your spirit, crushes it - he's always done it, always. He's a shadow looming over you and he always has-"

"This is why I didn't tell you!!! You don't care who you stamp on when you say things like that- not all of us are lucky enough to have a perfect family like yours. You need to learn some self control." Oli was shocked at the venom in Andy's voice and, trembling with anger, he loomed over him as he hissed:

"Spoken like a true Biersack, daddy would be proud. Do not sit there and defend him to me, because I won't listen to it, and he won't love you any more, or be proud of you for it either." With that, Oli stormed away and holed himself up in his bedroom with his headphones on full volume.

Andy sat out on the balcony and cried. He hated conflict with anyone, but especially Oli. It wasn't until 2am that he finally chose to reconcile. He let himself into his friend's room without knocking - he knew he wouldn't be asleep either, he'd be listening to music at full volume to block out his anger. He pretended not to see him - as he always had on the rare occasion that they argued. Andy paused the playlist he was on and pulled his headphones off gently. Oli looked up at him.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." Oli held his arms out and they hugged one another tightly.

"Shit...only you and me would argue on the one night we're supposed to be celebrating." Andy smiled weakly.

"Andy, are you happy?" Andy sighed and looked at Oli's sleeve of tats, the bright ink that he was so used to.

"I...guess. Everything's going so well...but since he called, I've been looking over it all wondering what's missing. There's always something missing." Oli patted his knee gently as he sat next to him, moving the other pillow on the bed and leaning up against the wall.

"The only thing that's missing is your parents, and that's not your fault." Andy nodded sadly.

They drank three more bottles of whiskey and were completely trashed. Oli was terrified but the adrenaline coursed through him as he began to get déjà vu from 2006.

"Do you remember the last night that I drank whiskey? At school?" Andy nodded slowly.

"We told each other everything that night. That was when I found out about you watching gay porn-"

"Shut up!"

"And...and about Mr Goodson perving on you." Andy clapped a hand over his eyes in embarrassment.

"Yeah well, you told me about your mum catching you wanking over a picture of Pamela Anderson - I mean c'mon, Pamela Anderson??!" Oli laughed.

"That's what you took from that story?? And c'mon, yours are worse."

"Anyway! What was your point in bringing that up for the second time tonight?"

"We...we always talk about stuff, but we never talk about that." Andy frowned at him as he spoke quietly, looking at his hands.

"So? It was one night whats-"

"Don't shrug it off. We're sitting in that shed, we're sixteen, drunk, horny, we..we just told one another all that stuff and we're excited-"

"Don't." He held his hands up and backed off slightly.

"What?"

"Don't, Oli. I mean it."

"...and we're just sitting there, waiting for something to happen, Andy-"

"I said don't!"

"Why?" Andy stared at him warningly, telling him with his eyes not to take a step closer.

"Tell me you didn't touch yourself that night, and the next night, and the next thinking about it. Tell me." The muscles in Andy's jaw worked tensely but he said nothing.

"Tell me that night didn't become your biggest secret, the thing you'd never allow yourself to think about because it was too huge. It was to big of a deal....it made you too hot-"

"Shut up. I can't listen to this." Oli rushed to the door and got there before he did, barricading him in with his body, because Andy refused to get too close to him.

"Why?" Andy's whole body was rigid and tense and screamed discomfort and fear of the situation.

"...because..."

"Because it's the same now, Andy-"

"I said shut up."

"Because it's he same. It's all happening again, it's too late now, it's happened. And you won't let yourself think about it, even for a second, because if you do...you'll lose control. And you can't stand to lose control, can you? You never could." Andy took another shaky step back.

"You can't stand how hot it makes you, thinking about that night, thinking about tonight-"

"Stop it!! Shut up!! Stop it now, this isn't funny-"

"And everything that could've happened...everything that could, might happen. It turns you on more than anything ever has. More than any girl, or guy, you've ever been with. More than any hot movie or magazine you jerked off to, more than anything else....it's the ultimate fantasy." Andy's torso moved in and out quickly as he breathed Oli swore he could hear his blood thrumming from where they stood apart, but it could have been his own.

"Why are you talking about this now?"

"Because I can't stop thinking about it. Recently...it's taken up my mind. I can't stop, Andy. And you know that once that feeling resurfaces it's too much to bury. You know because you've been doing it too, burying it, since that night-"

"Shut up!! Stop! This isn't fair! You can't say that like our whole friendship since then has been a lie-"

"No. It hasn't. We've always been honest, close, trusting...but this has been bubbling away under our skin since that night. Tell me...tell me you remember, that you've felt it too." Andy couldn't look at him.

"Look at me." He slowly met his eyes, the crystal blue orbs were darker than usual.

"I..."

"Tell me you're not turned on right now." Andy closed his eyes against the words but Oli could feel the heat rolling off him.

"Tell me."