Anything to See You Smile

For the following few days, Oli saw very little of his roommate, and when he did they were only brief encounters containing nods and greetings.

He was fed up.

~ Oli blinked, suddenly awake. The room was dark, a dingy, green light casting an eerie glow over everything. Josh patted him on the shoulder and pointed to a closed door at the end of the very long corridor they were standing in.

"What's going on?"

"Your thoughts." With that he left, Oli tried to turn around to ask what he meant, but he couldn't move. He began floating towards the door, picking up speed and fear as he got closer. He was suddenly at the opposite end of the corridor again, and the whole process repeated itself ~

"You are so screwed when I next see you, Biersack!" Andy laughed at Ashley who was being dragged off jokingly by their other two band mates - all laughing loudly as they left the bar and parted ways.

"I agree! Bye guys." He walked up to the apartment, still chuckling gently to himself.

~ "Are you ok, Oli?" Oli wanted to scream in frustration as Josh appeared - he'd completed the loop about twenty times now.

"No! Josh, help me, please, I can't keep doing this Im losing my mind."

"What's stopping you going through that door?"

"I don't know!!!! This dream?!"

"Oli...come on. Think. You're the reason you can't get through that door...you need to stop being so afraid. Your fear is your biggest obstacle...let go of that...and you might just be freed."

"NO!!" Oli shouted as Josh disappeared into thin air. He screamed in frustration as he tried to relax.

Suddenly he was pulled into their living room room. Andy was stood, leant against the back of their couch.
"Andy? Help me - what's going on?" Andy didn't answer, he stayed exactly where he was, not moving an inch. Oli felt rapidly more uncomfortable as the silence grew thick. ~

Andy walked into the apartment, trying to be quiet despite the vast amount of alcohol in his system.
Oli was asleep on the couch and he found himself watching him unknowingly.

Andy suddenly pushed up off of the couch and inhaled and exhaled a breath deeply. Oli - still unable to move - felt nervous and afraid.

"What are you so scared of..?" Andy breathed on his lips, a hand touching his neck softly. His heart went into overdrive and he began to panic - the sense of unease was too much to handle.~

Andy flinched as Oli woke with a cry. He sat up, panting slightly, and jumped when Andy walked past him.

"Sorry - only just got in. Did you have another nightmare?"

"I....I don't even know what it was...." Andy grabbed a bottle of water and sank onto the couch next to his friend who squirmed uncomfortably for ten minutes before standing up suddenly.

"I don't feel well - I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight."

"G'night..?" He frowned in confusion and huffed into his hand before sniffing....nope, it definitely wasn't his breath.

Oli lied awake, panicking. The feelings of his dream - unease, confusion panic, fear - were all still present. He didn't understand what had just happened....he wouldn't allow himself to think about it.

What are you so scared of..?" Oli screwed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth against the husky voice, the breath on his neck and the hand that moved to his hip.

"You get the hell away from me."

"Don't wanna be here? Run away then..." Oli shuddered as his breath ghosted over his lips. He had nothing but a wall to cling to.

"You know I can't move."

"Sure you can - got through the door, didn't you?" Frustration tore at Oli's body as his movement was restricted.

"Shut up!! Just shut up! You know I can't do this - let me go, Andy stop let me-"

"Ok. Ok..." Andy took a small step backwards, Oli's lip trembled and Andy reached out to hold his shoulders.

"Hey...its me. Look at me." Oli hesitantly met the crystal blue of his best friend.

"I couldn't hurt you if I tried. You know you can trust me. You know I won't hurt you...so what are you so scared of?"

Oli awoke in a cold sweat, panting. He cringed as his bedsheets stuck to his clammy skin and climbed out of bed, moving out onto the balcony for some air - grabbing a hoodie as he went.

Andy had awoken to the sounds of Oli having another nightmare. It was a feeling he hadn't woken to in years. When Oli had reached the peak of his emotional trauma, and suffered with his alcohol and drug addictions, his nightmares had taken over both their lives. It was a constant routine where Andy would be woken by his screaming or thrashing about on the bed so much that he hurt himself. Some nights Andy would sleep next to him just so that when it started he could save him from harm immediately.

He'd started scratching himself when he nightmares about things crawling on his skin, Andy had to start taping gloves or oven mitts to his hands at night so he couldn't hurt himself that way. Neither of them slept when his sleep paralysis was at its most savage.

Andy was both saddened and proud when he recalled the awful things they'd not only survived - but supported each other through during their long friendship.

He'd been about to intervene when he heard Oli fall silent and then a few minutes later leave his bedroom. He waited a few more minutes before joining his friend.

Oli flinched again when Andy appeared next to him, suddenly awkward.
"Are you alright? I heard..."

"Oh..I'm sorry I didn't-"

"You've always done that.."

"What?"

"Apologised for things out of your control." Andy longed to hug the other man as he looked at him properly for the first time in what felt like weeks, with tear-stained cheeks and a pale complexion.

"Anyway...thanks I'm fine."

"Wanna talk about what was in it?" Whenever Oli had suffered nightmares in the past, the two of them had discussed them and tried to decipher them together - it was therapeutic for Oli to understand, and for Andy to know what Oli was suffering with.
But on that particular night, Oli stuttered out a 'no!' and then stood, looking around awkwardly.

"Ok....that's ok..." Oli sighed.

"I'm sorry." He was hurt when he laid a gentle hand on Oli's shoulder, and the muscles underneath it tensed more rather than relaxed. He didn't let go, however, and Oli eventually gave in and silently asked for a hug. Andy was relieved.

"I just don't want to lose you. The past few weeks..." He started as they broke apart.

"I've felt the same." Guilt at keeping his secret with Sebastian a secret was so prominent it almost hurt and he bit his lip.

"In that case, I'm sorry too." Oli looked out to the buildings stretched out before them as far as the eye could see. Andy leant on the railing next to him, the cold metal biting at his bare skin.

"Do you remember when we were younger?.....we knew everything about one another."

"I know...for some reason it gets more difficult to talk about things as you get older." Oli nodded understandingly.

"I was hoping we'd be an exception to that...perhaps not."

"Well...I mean we still know way more about each other than most people do."

"That's true." The consolation of Andy's words were like putting a dab of antiseptic cream onto an amputated limb - almost completely futile, but the thought was positive in a small way. Andy felt the same way and he didn't have any other words of comfort for either of them, so he returned to bed only to receive a text from Sevastian.

- Hey, I can't sleep, sorry I didn't reply earlier, I had meetings all day. How are you? -

- I can't sleep either. - He waited for a reply, hoping that he'd receive an invitation over. There was nothing he wanted more than to screw his feelings out of his system.

- Want to meet somewhere? Or come over? -

- Shall I just come over or would you rather meet me somewhere? -

- If you're good with coming over I'll see you soon. -

- Great. Be there in a few. - He rushed to get dressed and tried to leave silently, but Oli was returning to his bedroom as Andy headed for the door, and he just looked at him sadly. Andy didn't know what to say so he left, feeling even more uncomfortable than ever.

When Sebastian opened the door Andy pulled him down for a kiss instantly, and the taller man didn't object. He pulled Andy inside and slammed the door shut behind them. He pushed Andy's coat off his shoulders and instantly began working on his clothes. Andy's fingers were in the hem of his t-shirt and then on his belt buckle, pulling everything open and off as quickly as possible. He was aroused instantly, and when Sebastian shoved him up against the wall and pulled his legs around his hips, Andy could feel that he was too.