Anything to See You Smile

Oli could do nothing but lie awake and wait for Andy to come home. He was scared of falling asleep - afraid of being immersed in another confusing nightmare - but his nerves were too frayed to sleep anyway. So he decided to work until the morning.

When Andy returned, the atmosphere in the room returned to its awkward state and he could take it no longer.
"Dammit, Andy! We can't keep doing this! I'm losing it over here."

"....I know. But I don't know what the solution is. Do you?"

"I don't know either...maybe one of us needs to move out for a few days...get some distance." Andy's face fell.

"What? No, Oli, that's...that's ridiculous!"

"Is it? We've never been awkward around one another-"

"And you think moving out is going to help?!"

"I don't know." Andy leant against the couch wearily.

"Come here." Oli's eyes flickered up when his tone of voice changed. The sensation of déjà vu washed over him as the familiar feelings of discomfort and fear were rife in his mind.

"Why?" Andy didn't answer and he moved forwards slightly. Andy pulled him close and hugged him so tightly he felt like his ribcage might cave in.

"I miss you." Oli relaxed against him and breathed in his familiar smell.

"Same to you."

"Tell me about your dreams."

"They're about me...and I don't know what they mean. You wouldn't understand either. Tell me about your secret."

"I have to relinquish control sometimes...to feel free. I can't explain how...you wouldn't understand either." They were both unhappy with the answers they received.

"Can we just...I don't know...hang out like we used to? It's been ages." Andy chuckled against him, breath tickling his neck.

"That's true. Sounds good. Just let me shower."

Oli smiled for the first time in too long as he watched him leave.

"No!!! Oh man- so what about Liam then? What happened?"

"He shat himself."

"What??"

"Yeah...during...I mean I know it happens a little bit sometimes but this was...nasty." Andy didn't even try to hide his laughter and Oli laughed off his embarrassment with him.

"Ok, ok!..So what about this guy Sebastian, then?" Andy stopped laughing and scratched his arm.

"Dunno."

"Shut up, yes you do. Tell me."

"Urm...he's an investment banker...he's tall, dark hair, well built...funny, smart and well mannered - but not pretentious...-"

"Basically a dream."

"Basically."

"But...?"

"Who says there's a but?" Oli simply raised a sarcastic eyebrow and Andy sighed. He had the truthful answer spelt out in his mind. But he couldn't say it. Not now.

"But we've only just started dating..I don't know for sure yet. Don't wanna pin all my hopes on him."

"Smart. But don't give up before its started." Andy nodded.

"I won't. Thanks....want another coffee?"

"Nah I'm gonna go do the food shopping - we have nothing in the fridge and I want lemonade."

"Ok, just let me get my jacket, I'll come with."

"You'll come with me! Not come with!!" Oli yelled at him as he left the room.

"I'm American! We say come with!"

"You live in England! It's come with ME!!" Andy just laughed his loud, infectious laugh that made Oli smile to himself. He looked at his phone - he had received numerous texts from people, but Josh's text caught him off guard.

- Are you feeling better about that thing now, mate? Hope so, look if you wanna talk again just call. J -

A fresh burst of discomfort hit Oli like a punch to the gut - he'd completely forgotten that he'd confided in the other singer. He was the only one who vaguely knew that he was feeling anything out of the ordinary.

"What are you doing? Let's go!" Andy appearing in the doorway refreshed his memory of the task at hand and they left.

They cooked dinner and watched tv with beers and then went to bed. Both men feeling comforted in the knowledge that they knew they had one secret each - which they would tell the other when the time was right - and that they could still be friends and not let that get in the way.

Oli fell asleep almost instantly, exhausted from being awake for two days straight.

"Come here." Andy's eyes were all Oli could see. Dark yet light, pure yet filthy.

"...why?" Everything went black.

"What are you so afraid of..?"

"Come here."

"Oli..."

Oli awoke to a raging erection and anger because of it.

"Shit...shit shit SHIT!!!" He quickly began to work his hand up and down it, spitting several times to make himself slick. He tried his best not to think of the dream- of the voice. Of the eyes. Of the body........but it was futile.

When he came he felt disgusted and even more confused. Almost running to the bathroom he washed every inch of his body as best he could without showering - knowing if he showered he'd wake Andy up.

Little did he know, Andy was wide awake.

Andy had heard Oli make noises in his sleep again, but he didn't know what noises they were, exactly. That didn't matter to him anyway, Sebastian was texting him and asking when they could meet up again for another "session." And he wasn't sure wether or not he should go.

When he heard Oli's bed creak in that familiar way that he'd heard a lot over the past six years - his gut tightened and he decided.

- We need to meet ASAP. -