The Beach

JACK'S POV

I was furious. Beyond furious, I was fuming and I felt like my head was going to explode any second. Betrayed, like when your partner of years cheats on you, untrustable, unworthy.

I often wondered to myself if I was that bad of a person. We all make mistakes in life, whether they take us to a good or horrible path in the long run, but some people take things too far, like violence, resentment, vendetta. I had never considered myself a bad person after all, because I hadn't had done anything to deserve such tag. I would see myself as a bad son when my parents yelled at me for disobeying them, not doing something they told me to do, but it was my fault, so I could affort to blame myself for it.

I would have never had thought that someone I don't know, someone I haven't met before, would do such thing as ban his soon from communicating with me. I completely understood that the accident wouldn't have happened if Alex and I hadn't met online, but I was slowly getting over it, the other boy had tried to convince me that it wasn't my fault, he claimed it was fate playing around with us, testing us to really see if we belonged together, and I was slowly falling for what he was saying.

If this is what fate is doing to us, why is a man who does't even know me making me feel so degraded and unworthy? I wouldn't know, because I sure wasn't going to speak to him ever again. Not because I was scared of him, but because he had tried to separate his son and I from being in a relationship. And let me tell you something, parents can't do that. You are free to love whoever you want to love, whether they are a girl, a guy, a transgender person or someone who is miles away from you.

What hurt the most was the lying. The lying, making me believe Alex was even more hurt than I originally thought, making me believe I had caused that, that I had hurt Alex, the one and only person that mattered the most to me and the one I would never hurt intentionally.

I was beyond furious, and right then and there, I lost all the respect I had towards Alex's parents.

Alex had mutted his microphone as soon as he said his dad was home and that he was going to talk to him. I found that weird, because I know how Alex is, he would let me listen to them argue about anything and everything, but he hadn't that time.

The minute I went silent, with no one to talk to, my mum came into my room and sat next to me by my bed.

"Are you talking to Alex?" She asked and looked at the screen, where it showed part of Alex's room. I nodded, but told her he had walked away for a second to talk to his father, so I took a long breath and asked my mum is she knew that Alex hadn't injured his legs, because he had showed me and assured me that him, and them were perfectly fine. She gaped at me for a second.

"No, Jack! That's what Peter told me, I promise. I would never do that to you and you know that. Is he really okay?" I nodded once.

"How could his parents do something like this to him- to you two?" She shook her head and sighed.

"They are horrible. I don't ever want to see them" I confessed, and my mum sighed making an understanding sound.

Alex came back a few minutes later as mum rubbed my back and we sat there in a comfortable silence. I thought that she would've left already, and my body set on panic when I realised my mum was on the screen with me, and so was Alex, and they had never met before.

"You must be the Alex Jack can't stop talking about" My mum said, and I buried my face in my hands in embarrassment.

"I hope I am" He laughed awkwardly. I could tell he was nervous about something, I just really wanted him to tell me what happened with his father.

"Mum, this is Alex, Alex, this is my mum" I introduced them and Alex stuck out his hand. My mum laughed and did so as well.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Barakat" He said with a teethy smile.

"Just Joyce. Nice to finally meet you too, Alex" I told my mum we needed some privacy, and she left after putting her hands in the air in surrender.

"So, what happened?" I asked as I watched him tidy his room, which was another weird thing for him to do.

"Ugh, he kinda kicked me out" He said like it was the most normal thing ever. My eyes widened and my breath got caught in my throat. He got kicked out.

"What are you going to do?! Where are you going to go?! Just apologise so he can take you back, please! I don't want you to be homeless" I pleaded, words coming out nonstop. I couldn't stop talking, worrying over him and his safety now that I knew he was on the streets.

"Will you calm down please? I haven't thought about it yet" He said. He placed a big bag in front of the camera and started folding his clothes and filling it with items.

"How could I be calm right now?! You are homeless and you have no money!" I said in frustration. His face grew red and he let out the anger he held inside him for so long.

"Then why don't you offer me to stay at your place until I figure things out?! Why?! Huh?!" Then he broke down.

He put his head in his hands just by the corner of his bed, and broke down. I heard him cry, soft sniffles and heavy breathing. I knew he was trying to control his breathing and calm himself down, because I wasn't there to do it for him.

"Alex, I- you know that-" I started stuttering, struggling to find the right words, but I didn't even know what I wanted to say, because I was afraid. Afraid of everything that could happen if he were to come here and stay in my place.

"I know," He sniffled a few times. "You're not ready. I'll stay at one of my friend's house I guess" He pulled himself up and carried on packing.

Stupid, stupid stupid Jack. You are a fucking douchebag.

"Alex, I want you to know, that I am here for you and always will be. Even if I'm not ready, I know that you are, and you need a place to stay at, so come here if you want" I closed my eyes for a second, hoping that my statement would surprise him, that he would stop packing and look at me for the first time since he came back from talking to his father, but none of that happened.

He did stop for a mere second, debating whether to look up at the screen or not, but he didn't. He then kept putting his things away and murmuring words or phrases under his breath. I didn't hear any of it.

"It's okay. I'll stay at a friend's and I'll talk you from there, then I will see what I can do" He smiled effortlessly and zipped his bag.

I felt my heart drop. All the encouragement he had given me to see each other all those months ago, the will to be with each other, had completelly vanished. Not from my part, but from his. I could see it in his eyes, and in the way he gave up stuffing some of his favourite things like his music CDs into his bag when he saw they wouldn't fit in it.

My eyes were getting teary, but I couldn't let him see me like this, so I took a deep breath and looked away for a second to put my shit together.

"Okay" I answered quietly.

"I'll text you as soon as someone lets me stay at their place, okay?" He grabbed  the bag and brushed his hand through his hair.

"Okay" I said again, afraid of breaking down if I said anything different.

"Well, I'll talk to you later. Bye" He waited a few second for me to say it back, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

I was so angry. So angry at mysef because I was such a coward and didn't suggest he could stay at my place in the first place instead of having to bother his friends. I felt so stupid because he was my boyfriend, my long distance boyfriend, and I was supposed to want him there with me, next to me, all the time, that's the goal of long distance relationships, to be together for good at the end.

But there I was, in the middle on my room, hating my guts as my boyfriend wandered on the streets asking his friends if he could stay with them because he had been kicked out.

How bad of a person did that make me?