The Beach

ALEX'S POV

Let's continue Mr Carlile.

My girlfriend was called Luna. She used to dye her hair blonde which didn't really matter to me, had really big green eyes that matched her hair, a tiny but cute nose and kissable lips. Her skin was really soft, always. She wasn't one of those really hot chicks, I must say she was plain, but again, it didn't really matter to me.

She was really funny- we met at the park, she was wearing a pretty light green dress which reached just above her knees. She was running like crazy up and down the slides until she saw me standing there, just laughing at what I was seeing at the moment.

She was romantic, kind and everything a guy could ask for in a girl. I was slowly getting into men though, which led me to involuntarily diminish my feelings for her. I couldn't say that I loved her, because I honestly didn't. I couldn't love anyone, I didn't think I ever could.

It isn't like I didn't want to love someone, but the idea of someone loving me terrified my insides.

Was love that strange feeling surrounding my body every time I saw Luna waiting for me at my locker early in the morning? I really hoped it wasn't because I couldn't take it for much longer.

I didn't want to break her heart -if there was any possibility of her loving me- but I didn't want to possibly -most probably not- ever cheat on her either. What kind of seven months boyfriend does that to his girlfriend? Only pricks man, only pricks.

‘Every child, kid, teen or adult is loved by their parents -at least a tiny bit’ told me Luna as we lay down together in bed. I kept my gaze away from her, not looking at her but I knew she was frowning. She was the only person who I could talk to about my life –she’s supposed to know about my personal life, right? Well, I told her about my dad, that he hated me but she obviously told me that it wasn’t true and I knew it wasn’t.

My dad didn’t hate me, he couldn’t, but he was a short-tempered man, always yelling and pointing out other people’s flaws and things he thought were bad for ‘humanity’. I couldn’t stand him half of the time, I would go to my room and entertain myself until my mom would come to my room and talk to me about her job, her little group of friends and how stupid my dad was being all the time.

My mom and I were really close, we were like siblings –some people even got confused about our relationship because of my mom’s age –she was quite young, maybe that’s why we always acted like little kids. I could tell her everything that was going on in my relationship with Luna, what I thought about my dad or why my grades were so low.

My mom was everything to be honest. When my dad was at work and my mom our kitty and I were at home, we would meow to call each other, talk in a childish voice, play hide and seek with our kitty and jumps on each other’s back whenever we wanted to. She was and still is the most important thing in the world for me.

This guy named Jack asked for a picture of me, I groaned as a reply knowing that he couldn't hear me. I wasn't that photogenic so I didn't use to take pictures of myself. I sent him a picture where me and my girlfriend were in bed, the sheets over our bodies as we hugged each other. I hope he didn't get to see that she was just wearing a bra, which is fine, not in a sexual way, she felt comfortable wearing just her underwear around my place, so did I. I guess you're wondering if we had ever have sex, well my answer is no.

Jack told me that he really had to leave this time and that he wouldn’t be online for the rest of the night, which led me to turn my laptop off and go downstairs to meet my mum in the living room.

“Hey” I said as I flopped on the couch next to her. She flicked a few channels on the TV and smiled back at me. She turned her gaze to the TV as my phone went off with the sound of ‘Always’ by Sum 41. I slipped my hand into my skinny’s pocket and grabbed it, reading that Luna was calling me, probably to meet up sometime soon but considering that it was almost 9PM, I had no intention to do anything like that.

I turned my phone off as she kept calling, I can make up an excuse for it tomorrow I thought to myself.

“Who was calling you?” Asked my mom lowering the volume of the TV. Oh no, here it comes.

“You ask such obvious questions, mum” I said rolling my eyes but still smiling, I had always thought that she could read my mind –or phone.

“Was it Luna?” She asked. I stared at her, dead serious as she frowned.

“You ask such obvious questions, mum” I repeated.

“Well, why didn’t you pick up? Are you guys breaking up? Or you broke up already? Alex, we need to talk more often darling, we don’t talk at all. Did she hurt you? Did you hurt her? Alex, answer” She was freaking out by now. She was even more worried about it than I was, she turned the tv off and everything.

“I don’t really have feelings for her anymore. I don’t know, probably. No, we didn’t yet. No, mom, we don’t need to talk more we spend almost the whole day talking to each other. No, she didn’t. Nope, I haven’t, but I’m sure I will if I break up with her. I have answered you” I said answering to every question rapidly.

She pouted like a kid and crosses her arms over her chest facing away from me.

“She’s really nice, I thought you’d be together for much longer” She said still pouting. I sighed and leaned my head back on the couch.

“So did I” I groaned.

“What made you change your mind, honey?” She asked gently this time.

“I think I like guys” I simply said. She nodded and looked at me smiling.

“You mean as in like, like?” She said playfully but I wasn’t amused at all. I rolled my eyes and nodded. She nodded gesturing that she understood what I was talking about.

“What do I do now?” I asked her in a desperate tone.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I can’t keep dating Luna if I like guys, it’s not-“ I was interrupted by my dad entering the house. My mom pulled a weird face, as she was mentally trying to say ‘I’m sorry’ or something.

My dad walked into the living room and sighed when he saw me. Brilliant, he’s being an asshole already I thought to myself.

“What do you want for dinner guys?” Asked my mom as she got up from the couch and crossed the living room to go to the kitchen.

“I’m not hungry, come to talk to me when you’re done, mum” I said as I reached the stairs to go to my room.

“You didn’t have dinner yesterday, you should eat at least a tiny bit at night, Alex” Said my dad as she took a sit on the couch me and my mom were sitting on previously.

“Nope” I said and went upstairs.

I flopped onto my bed and put my laptop down on the floor. I walked to the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. I put them on and laid on my bed again, staring at the ceiling until I remembered that I could text Jack.

Pulling out my phone from my skinny’s pocket and turning it on, I noticed that Luna had called me over five times in the last fifteen minutes, and I also got a text from Jack asking if I could text him. I ignored the upcoming call from Luna and texted ‘What’s up?’ to Jack.

I didn’t mean to be rude –or an asshole- to her but I really wasn’t feeling like talking to her about what was going on.

I immediately got another text from Jack, it read ‘Uh not much. I’ve been yelled at for not doing the dishes and I’m all bored now. Wbu?’

I turned my gaze to look at my watch, it was 9:30PM. I got in bed and shuffled a little thinking about what could I send him back.

I didn’t know if I was ready to open up to someone about my life story that soon; one side of my head was telling me to talk to him about everything that was happening at the moment but the other one was telling me to go to sleep because of the lack of sleep I earned that past week.

‘Poor little Jay *sarcastic voice*. I’m overthinking stuff’ I replied. It amazed me a little how happy I got everything I received a text from him, knowing that I was the only person he was talking to seeing that he would reply at my text as soon as he got them.

He sent me a message asking me what I was thinking –overthinking- about. My mind stopped functioning as a heard a knock on the door, I told them to come in knowing that it’d be my mom standing at the other side of the door.

She opened the door and walked in closing the door behind her, a smile on her face.

We talked about why and how I started liking guys more than girls, she told me that she always knew there was something special about me, something she couldn’t have guessed before. The way I looked to other guys when I first started highschool, the evidence on how much time I spend with my mom every day, just talking and being childish, the amount of time I took to fix my hair and style it so it looked decent in my eyes, the hours of indecisions choosing what clothes to buy, everything seemed to take place in the right way.

I found myself crying like a little kid on my mom’s chest when we finished talking. My hand tugging on my mom’s shirt as she stroke some of my hair trying to calm me down.

I was confused, really confused, and didn’t have a clue what was going to happen if I told Luna that I liked men.

My phone buzzed again, notifying that I had another text from Jack –then I remembered that I didn’t reply to his last message. I grabbed my phone and opened it. It read ‘I’m sorry, I really need to sleep I haven’t been able to sleep properly in a few days. Please tell me what’s got you so worried so I can read it in the morning? I’ll text you then, goodnight xx’

I smiled and looked at my mom, she was already getting ready to get up from my bed.

“You’ll be okay for tonight, yeah honey? I’m working tomorrow so I need to get some sleep before that. Make sure you sleep enough. I love you” She said kissing my forehead.

I sniffed and mumbled a light goodnight before I sunk in bed and pulled the sheets up to my chest.

I groaned.

He’ll take hours to read this whole message.