The Beach

JACK'S POV

I woke up to the sound of my phone going off with the sound of Always by Sum 41, meaning someone was either calling me or texting me. I rubbed the sleep off my eyes as I unlocked my phone putting all my weigh on my elbow as I held my head up with my hand, keeping myself off falling asleep and checked the time, it read 3:04AM. I groaned to myself as I opened the text I got, not bothering to check who was texting me.

I didn't expect to see Alex's name on top of the message but then again, I didn't have anyone who'd text me. I yawned and sat straight on my bed leaning my back on the headboard of the bed.

From: Alex 2:58AM

'I'm sorry about earlier, I wasn't really worried about anything I was just thinking and my mum knew something was up so we talked for a while and I forgot to text you back, so uhm sorry. I'm just really confused and upset and angry and everything sucks right now. I know I'll probably bother you but you asked and you can read it or not or do whatever you want to do.

I know it's not wrong but I feel like it's a disease this thing I have for guys because of what my parent taught me- my mom stills support whatever I choose to do so everything's fine but- I don't even want to like guys, I don't know what to do or what to talk about when I'm in front of them, it's weird, I know that. I used to hang out with my crowd of friends and there were like three or four guys and I liked and everything, they were kind and friendly but I'm afraid to get close to them because I'll probably like them way too much if I do.

I still love Luna -I think. I never told her before but I feel like I'm going to break her heart if I break up with her. But, if I don't, and like guys, I'll still be cheating on her in a way, right? I can't date her and think other guys are hot, or attractive. I just can't do that to her.

I have no fucking idea of what to do. Please help me?

You'll probably read this in the morning so, good morning :) Lex xx'

Fuck.

Why was I feeling like someone punched me on my stomach? I don't even know, man. I could feel jealousy and feelings growing stronger on my chest as I reached to take a breath every time. Why would I even lie to myself?

I was jealous of Luna and the guys Alex found attractive, probably being from his school or something. I was jealous of anyone who knew who Alex was because in all honestly, I already felt rejected as in any friendship or relationship I could bond with him. I had met him a day ago, so what?

That's me, stupid Jack Bassam Barakat being such a downer because he always keeps his hopes up thinking that everything he wants to happen will eventually do, but never really does. Never.

How am I supposed to help him? I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before, never kissed anyone and it's not like my friends talked to me like they used to -I really need to socialize more.

I checked the time again, it read 3:10AM. What if Alex already went to sleep and I wake him up when he gets my text?

I started tapping my fingers on the headboard of the bed, trying to come up with something to say to the boy.

I sighed and jumped off my bed, making Gato -my cat- get off it with me. I headed to the bathroom, my cat following after me as I predicted.

I placed my hands on the sink and I analyzed my figure in the mirror. I hadn't noticed the dark color surrounding my eyes, revealing that I hadn't had much sleep in the past few weeks until that moment. I heard some people in my English class say that one does not sleep if he/she is in love (or all night on Tumblr). I couldn't be in love, I didn't believe 'love' existed, who knows why.

I heard a knock on the door as I flushed the water after peeing and listening my kitty meow all the time we were in there -yes, my cat comes to pee with me-. I opened the door and saw my dad standing on his pajama.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah" I said rolling my eyes.

He always had this unnecessary urge to come to check if I was okay every single time I used the bathroom at night. He cared about me, I know, but that habit of him is so freaking annoying.

"Sure? Are you sick?" He asked again.

"Yeah, night" I sighed. I let my cat go inside my room before me so I could close the door behind me.

I flopped onto the bed and put my earphones in, pressing shuffle on and starting to write a message to Alex.

After wondering around, my kitty climbed into bed and laid on my lap keeping me warm.

'Hm, I'm up.. Well, I don't really know what to say if I'm completely honest with you. I've never been in such situation and this got me off guard but uh, y'know being gay or bi isn't a disease.. I've been through that and I can't help you with it because I haven't told anyone about it because of reasons.

Do I think you should break up with your girlfriend? I don't know, I can't decide that, can I? But I think you should at least tell her that you might like guys too and try to explain her how and what you feel towards her.

I know it's difficult, I've been hiding it for a while now and it's not pleasant at all, I must say.

But hey, if you love your girlfriend and she makes you happy but you also like boys, you should totally keep dating her and being happy because that's what matters at the end of the day, right? And if you don't love her, break up with her and forget about it because you DON'T want to play with her feelings, huh?

At least you told your mom and she's supporting you.. I couldn't ever do that, she doesn't like gay people, she criticize them and everything.. Uh but yeah, I hope I helped you..? I don't think I did but yeah..'

I hit the 'send' button and laid in bed putting the sheets over my chest as I checked if Gato could breath. I stroked some of his hair making stupid faces as he moved weirdly. Oh I love this cat, man.

For my surprise, I received Alex's text a minute after I sent mine, him asking if he could call me.

Fuck.

A call? What if he doesn't like my voice or I shy out and hang out? What if I don't know what to reply and stay silent way too long and he gets the wrong idea of what kind of person I am and hangs out? What if I get attached to his voice and- My mind stopped working and my heart replied to the text with a 'Sure'.

I mentally slapped my face as my phone went off. I closed my eyes and picked up.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't even want to say that you could call me because I'm not sure about this kind of stuff" I said before he could say anything.

"Oh, we can talk tomorrow if you want" That. That, ladies and gentlemen was the sound of an angel vomiting after having tons and tons of sweet rainbows mixed up with vodka. His voice was soft, sweet and calming. I guessed I could get used to it.

"Are you okay?" I asked concerned. I frowned knowing that he couldn't see me -since he was 526 miles away from me- I frowned even more after realizing that fact.

"Yup, you?" He said pointing out the 'p'. I had always had some sort of weird vibe when someone lied to me. Maybe everyone does have it, but I thought I was special because of that fact.

"Yeah" I said first. A uncomfortable silence crowding the line, I couldn't stand it. "So, why did you want to call me?" I asked.

"I don't know, just to talk I guess?" He whispered.

"Why are you whispering?"

"My parents are sleeping. Why aren't you whispering?" He asked pointing about 'you'.

"My parents work at night. They just left" I simply said.

I already was in a bad mood, this couldn't get worse.

"Don't you get like.. lonely at night?" He asked doubtfully.

I thought about it for a moment.

My parents had pretty much worked at night since I was born so I never really cared because I got used to it but now that he mentioned it, it was true -I always feel lonely. But I never had anyone to be close with so it's not like I have experienced it anyway.

"Yeah, I guess" I said shrugging, then I realized that he couldn't see me.

"Luna and I always used to sleep at each other's but it's not like that anymore. We barely talk or see each other now, I don't know what's going on" He said.

My heart sunk a little deep down on my chest. Why? I asked to myself. Why are you feeling like this? Are you stupid or something?

"Oh, I'm sorry" Was the only thing that came out of my throat.

"Don't be, not your fault" He said.

I thought it'd be nice to talk to him but goddammit this was getting really awkward and uncomfortable.

"Luna wanted to-" He started but I cut him off.

"Stop talking about her" I said angrily. What the hell are you doing, Barakat?

"What's wrong?" He asked. I groaned and pulled some of my hair back kicking my cat off bed as I shuffled in bed. He meowed and apologized to him, picking him up with my free hand and stroking his hair.

"Who are you talking to?" He asked.

"My cat" I simply said, not bothering to let him know anything else.

"Oh okay. I'm talking to Luna" He said.

That. Is. Fine.

"I see"

"Uhm, I guess I'm going to hang up, sorry for calling you" He said.

I was confused. He shouldn't have been the one apologizing, he didn't do anything wrong. It was me who was being a jealous asshole.

"Don't be, it's my fault. I guess I'm jealous of you for being in a relationship" I said sighing. At least I was telling the truth.

I hang out with this little crowd of people. There's Andrew, Matt, Josh, Elisabeth and Monica, they are all nice but I never trusted anyone.

I remember telling something that was really important to me to some of them -I told them to keep it a secret- but none of them did. They all like each other too, they talk to each other every single day, they meet up, have dinner together and go to parties every Saturday.

The thing is that they go out, drink and have a make out session with someone they know from school, when they see each other at school they ignore each other and do the same thing every Saturday, the only thing that chances is that the next person would have a different name.

They are sluts, all of them, and they know it. I couldn't ever do that, not even with someone I just liked. I couldn't go to a party and be like 'Hey, I don't really know who you are but, wanna hook up?' No man, that's so not right.

It is strange how people still want to make out or whatever with them knowing that they had done the same thing with other boys or girls. I keep thinking that someone will want to have a serious relationship with one of them but the other person won't trust them because of these things.

I'm loyal. So what if I don't believe in love? That's what I think now, but I hopefully will find the one someday and I will be completely honest with them.

"Why are you jealous?" He asked making me crawl down to reality.

"I guess I'm jealous of her, if I'm honest. You've got a great taste in music, you're sweet and nice. You care about people and I don't know, you are nice" I repeated. I thanked god to keep Alex and me apart from each other. Distance meant so much right now. I couldn't of have said that if this was happening in real life, I couldn't, ever.

"Oh well, you'll have me someday, if that's what you really want. Wink" He said. I laughed at the 'wink' part. I laughed nervously and he cleared his throat.

"My dad got up, I think he's walking over here dammit. I'll text you tomorrow. Goodnight Jay" He said.

"No problem, goodnight Lex" I said.

Did he just call me 'Jay'? Oh my god.

I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. Oh well, my sleeping schedule is fucked up anyway.

Yeah, I could definitely get used to hear his voice.

I'm in such big trouble.