The Beach

ALEX'S POV

Mr. Carlile, if you're asking yourself why Jack declared that he was going to talk to his boyfriend when he didn’t have one, then you should remind yourself that he only talked to me on Skype, now you can guess it's me who he was going to talk to.

If you're asking yourself why, when and what happened between us, you should carry on reading because it is actually a surely entertaining story. If you're not wondering that, then what is wrong with you?

Jack had been really kind and supportive when I broke up with Luna, I obviously didn't tell her the whole reason why I ended our relationship but the matter is that I didn't lie to her either. I didn't exactly want her to know that I was gay because in all honestly, I didn't want anyone to know about it apart besides my mom and Jack. As Jack said, it was no one's business but mine.

I only told her that I didn't feel the same vibe I felt when we were close anymore, which was true, and that I needed some time to figure things out -not giving her any specific information about the stuff I was going through or I had to think over and over again.

Knowing that I had Jack by my side -not literally, but still- was a huge relief, but I also knew that it hurt the young boy too; knowing that I was hurt, mainly confused about my sexuality and it influenced him in some aspect since he was gay and liked me.

Now, how did I know that? Well, he didn’t admit that to me but I could tell by the way his gorgeous eyes focused on the screen to look at me. The way he carefully pinpointed his kind and concerned words to make me feel better whenever we talked –which was always at that point- and his excitement he felt when he wanted to talk to me and knew he would as soon as I got home.

It’s not like I had him staying up late at night to talk to me but he didn’t want to leave me alone knowing that nights were when I most needed someone next to me.

I knew I couldn't touch him, feel or just hang around with him because of fucking distance and it killed me inside.

We were feeling way too emotional one of those nights and I had the guts to tell him that I would love to take him out on a date if we lived in the same place.

He thought that I’d likely be taking advantage of him knowing that he would be my first.

He said he’d feel like a toy-boy because I’d be just trying to figure out what it was like to take part in a relationship with a guy and said that I would just forget about him if I didn’t like it.

For his surprise, I had explained him that yeah, maybe I would be using him to experience such new feeling but beside that, I also told him that I would want to try it out and date him, not only to be prepared for other relationships with other guys in the future but because I liked him a slight bit and he was my best friend already at that point.

Silently, I thought about the main problem that stopped us from that happening –distance.

I don’t think I could handle dating someone through the internet. I knew some people that had done it and they had always ended up hurting each other. They would either cheat or just give up on each other because in all honestly, who would wait god know how much time to see the person you like or love?

I really wanted to try things out with him but the voice inside my head told me otherwise.

I pushed those thoughts to the back of my head and tried to think in a positive way.

All that mattered at the end of the day was that we would be dating and that we liked each other; we could even get to the ‘love’ part but at least not for now.

We could see each other sometime anyway, we lived pretty far away from each other; I was aware of that, but if we really wanted to work it out and see if we would get far, we needed to stay positive. We could somehow try and meet up or something if we lasted and finally decided that we were willing to see each other and deal with the consequences.

Jack and I had difference opinions about that fact though.

Jack ensured me that distance was just a bunch of numbers that didn’t and shouldn’t matter and mean anything to anyone, just as the height and weight of someone.

He was way too shy to admit that in front of the camera so he decided just to type keeping his head low so I couldn’t see his tinted cheeks.

I hesitated for a moment before asking him if he thought that it was a good idea to date, but knowing that he liked me and that I wanted to try it out, it was obvious that he wanted it too.

He just shyly nodded and goddammit, he was adorable.

We agreed on just being boyfriends as we had no choice of dating.

I found cute no one other than Jack, and it scared me a little because I knew I liked guys, I had assumed that already; but I didn’t find other men attractive if I’m honest with you. They all are kind of, I don’t know, too manly.

Not that Jack was any less manly than an ordinary man but there was something about him that made him the cutest and most adorable person I had ever seen in my eyes.

So we were finally together. Jack and I, me and Jack; together.

I almost chuckled when he let out a squeal as soon as we agreed to be each other’s boyfriend. He covered his face with his hands in order to hide his obvious embarrassment of himself and blushed.

He composed himself and told me to go to sleep with a big smile spread into his face considering that it was 3:40AM but he first established a few conditions into our brand new relationship in order to learn to trust each other as time passed.

He had shut the camera off because his parents could hear him speak and that would suck ass knowing that they’d kill him if they found out that he was talking to someone from the internet at almost 4AM.

“I’m really happy about this, okay?” He said gesturing to the screen –me- and himself, “but I really want it to work and if you want it to work too then we’ll have to talk about some things.

I’m being all serious now, I know you know I’m really shy and stuff but I can be a real bitch sometimes even if I don’t look like one. So, what I mean to say it that this relationship is real and serious.

Now, if you EVER think about cheating on me with someone else and you already know that you will eventually, then please PLEASE talk to me first, okay? I’m not saying that I’ll make everything better and convince you that I’m better for you and stuff because I don’t think I’m better than anyone but I don’t want to be cheated on, it just hurts too much.

So if you’re going to do it, do tell me and we can decide if we break up or try to fix it.

If you ever feel like talking at night, in the morning, anytime; call me. I don’t care if I’m at school, I know we’re going back to that shit hole soon and I know you well Gaskarth! If you feel bad, not wanting to get up as I do, call me and I’ll try to make you feel better; happy. Plus it’d be cute, just as morning texts but instead of that, I’d be hearing the most adorable voice that I have ever heard, okay?

You know you can tell me anything and everything, really; I mean this”

I kind of sat there looking at the screen and reading what he said over and over again until I perfectly understood what he wanted to say. I smiled to myself and replied,

"That's so sweet of you. I'm glad that you care about me that much because I do too, okay? I accept the conditions (: Now go to sleep, I don't want you to get in trouble because of me.. I'm sure you already are anyway"

We said our goodbyes with a row of kisses and shut out laptops.

And that’s it.

That’s what I needed to hear to actually feel loved and alive again. Knowing that there was someone out there that cared about me made me realize that I was actually happy with the life I had.

I was once more going to sleep with a big smile on my face and my heart beating heavily against my chest because of Jack; my boyfriend Jack.