Make It to Me

“Adaline? It’s Joyce.”
“He can’t do this by himself. He doesn’t know what to do.”

Click. Click. Click.

The sound of heels clacking echoed in the empty airport corridor. Business like. Marching, luggage in hand, toward the taxi line. The warm, balmy air in California had transformed into a chilly, clear night in Pittsburgh. She weaved through the many people greeting loved ones. A particular couple was showing utter bliss, clutching to each other, finally in one another’s arms. On any other day she would have smiled, a hint of envy and a lot of love coursing through her veins as she marveled at the happy couple. Her eyes settled on them, lifeless, a thin line across her lips. Devoid of emotion. Devoid of the love that usually danced there, devoid of the joy that usually poured out of her.

Click. Click. Click. Went her shoes across the concrete floor leading her outside the airport. The city lights flickering in the steel city. Due to the early morning hour, very few waited in line for a cab. She opened the back door, signaling to the groggy driver he had business. He wrenched the door open, looking at Adaline with contempt for disturbing his drifting off and peace. Rubbing his hands together, he walked to her side of the car, and placed a hand on her suitcase.

“Where ya’ goin’ miss?” he asked while shucking the case haphazardly into the trunk. Adaline winced. Her suitcase, a high school graduation present, was on its last wheel, likely to give out at any day. She now thought she should have bought a new case, but she hadn’t expected to go on a trip. Least of all, an impromptu trip.

“Um…” Adaline said as she searched for the address hurriedly scribbled on a bank statement. The contents of her purse seemed so trivial, just getting in the way. Gum, hand sanitizer, sunglasses, pens, etc. She began to feel tears of frustration well in her eyes as her hand pushed the contents aside, desperate to find where she was going. It seems when you need to find something, you can never find it, even if you pretend you don’t really need it. The cabby began to huff and puff, obviously annoyed with Adaline’s searching for the address. Finally, she found the envelope in question. Breathing a sigh and pushing back her tears, she read the address off to the man. He grumbled something about the drive as he walked to the driver’s seat.
Adaline remained rooted to her spot on the curb, physically incapable of moving. She balled her hands into fists when she began to feel them shake. She refused to lose it. She had to be the strong one.

The clearing of the cabby’s throat caused her hazel eyes to flick back to the older man in the front seat. Mumbling an apology, sliding into the backseat, she crossed her legs and knotted her fingers together on her lap. The taxi pulled from the curb and transitioned into the bustling, city traffic. She remained still as the taxi turned this way and that. Everything felt so surreal; just a few hours ago the Earth was still spinning on its axis. Everything was fine, nothing askew. Then, Joyce had called her and for the life of her, she couldn’t process what was going on.

The taxi pulled to a stop at a red light, her eyes shifting from the black head rest to the building outside her window. Her eyes danced at the banner that hung from the sky scraper. “Welcome to Pittsburgh”. That’s what it read. Familiar, yet foreign chocolate eyes looked back at her. Canada’s captain greeted her to the city. She may have met the good captain one day, but now there was a certain chance their paths would cross. Because of Sara. She would meet them all.

One tear rolled down her cheek, then a second, and a third until she was powerless to stop them. Fine. She would allow herself to cry now. She would cry and be done with it. Then she would be strong. All she had to do was get this out of her system, and then she’d be fine. This caused a slight whimper to escape from the back of her throat. She would not do this; she would not give up this much control. Yet another whimper escaped her hand covering her mouth.

~

“Sara! We have to go!” Adaline yelled at Sara from across the lawn. Sara was busy attaching post its to her boyfriend’s car. Was it petty? Yes, but Sara and Adaline were bored and this is what they came up with.

“Calm down! I’m almost done!” called back the ever obstinate Sara. Adaline rolled her eyes, praying campus security wasn’t going to stumble across the two girls. Not only were they out past curfew, they were “defacing” property. A clicking noise began in the grass.

“Sara! We need to go!” Adaline begged.

“Adaline, live a little!” Sara called as the sprinklers kicked on, soaking both girls and destroying Sara’s hard work. “Run!” yelled Sara.

They both began running back to their dorm, soaked from the water. The entire time they giggled and cried from getting drenched from the cold water. Back in the dorm, they collapsed on the floor and burst into a new fit of giggles. Their uncontrollable laughter caused them to roll on the floor spreading the grass clippings and water onto the previously clean carpet. Their hair tangling into ratty dreadlocks and chests heaving from the sprint back to their dorm. Adaline looked over at Sara and smiled. Her eyes warm with love for her college roommate and good friend. Sara smiled back at her, reflecting the same warmth her friend’s held.

“Promise me something Addie.” Sara said, turning her head while lying on her back across the floor.

“Anything.” Adaline replied instantly, rotating her face to look at Sara.

“Promise me we will never lose these memories and we will always make time for one another.”

“Always and forever, brat.” Adaline replied smiling entirely too big for her face. Sara smiled back and held out her pinky finger. Adaline immediately reached out and grabbed onto Sara’s pinky and shook. A promise of the highest importance and sacredness passed through the two. A symbol of their friendship, a symbol of their sisterhood.

~

Adaline’s tears fell much harder as she recalled the memory. Darkness wrapped around her, she had broken her promise to Sara. There were no more memories to be had, no more memories to be remembered while eating dinner or painting their nails. She had let Sara down; there was no other way around it. It hurt, but Sara probably had hurt more. Adaline had become consumed by her work she forgot what it was like to live, to keep promises, and pull petty pranks. She abandoned Sara, when she should have been a friend, someone she could have counted on. Now, Sara was gone and Adaline had to pick up the pieces. She had to figure out how to move on. She had to live on while Sara never could, Sara could never move on, she would never make new memories, she would never recall those of old.

Numbness washed over Adaline as the taxi darted through the city streets. Left, right, stop, slow… the car moved on and on regardless of what Adaline was feeling. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face Joyce, Sara’s mother, and James, her husband. Adaline knew that James wasn’t accepting Sara’s death, as Adaline was on her way to pick up the pieces.

James and Sara had a fairy tale love, one that Adaline had always yearned for. They were compatible and complimented each other in the best way. As soon as Sara graduated from Emmerson College, in Boston at 22, she moved to Dallas and married James five months later. Adaline was convinced their relationship was moving too quick and Sara was too young to marry. However, when she traveled to Dallas to help with the wedding, and serve as a maid of honor, she discovered how wrong she was about the couple. Perfect, that was the only word to describe Sara and James. She watched them, completely enamored as she saw love for the first time. Sara would always hang onto James’s forearm and he would drag his fingers through her auburn hair, curling the ends around his finger. Never once had they fallen from that honeymoon phase, they always seemed to be sickeningly happy. Then, Sara had become Mrs. Neal and followed him to Pittsburgh when he was traded. Adaline hadn’t been to Pittsburgh since the trade two years ago; she had never met his teammates or seen their new home. Adaline often felt the rift grow bigger and bigger between her and her best friend, but she had assumed they would have time to reconnect once life settled down.

James liked Adaline immediately, she was someone that he trusted and he valued her opinion. In most cases, James would always ask Adaline’s opinion on gifts for Sara as well as her opinion on outfits before he wore them out to dinner dates. He was always trying to impress his wife, even if she no longer needed grand gestures, because having him home was enough to take her breath away. Sara and James had become good friends over the many visits the trio had spent together. It killed her to think about how James might be feeling because of how much he loved her. As much as she was in pain, she knew James would be a mess. She had to be strong for James and Joyce. She couldn’t let them see her devastated, they didn’t need that.

The taxi driver had been silent the entire drive aside from a few grunts and mutters about songs he didn’t seem to like. He now broke his silence to tell her they were heading down the street the house was on. Her breathing quickened as she became anxious, her numbness slowly starting to fade. The taxi began to slow in front of a massive two story home, with a grey, brick exterior. A sleek black car was parked in the driveway; Joyce’s sedan was parked next to the sporty car. The lawn was clean cut, and the flower beds were perfectly manicured, probably Sara’s influence. The house was lit up, looking completely normal, the truth unknown to the world, the people inside were devastated.

Adaline opened the door, threw her purse over her shoulder and stepped from the car. She handed the cabbie his money and grabbed her suitcases. Her black heels began clicking on the concrete once again as she hesitantly walked toward the front door. The pale blue door was illuminated by the porch light; an old fashioned knocker adorned the center of the door. After taking a steadying breath she lifted her arm up and knocked twice. The sound of shuffling alerted her that someone was coming to the door. She took a step back as the door’s lock was clicking open. Joyce’s motherly face was looking back at her the next moment. Joyce reminded her of her mother, only there was more warmth held in her eyes, more kindness. Joyce’s voice broke as she looked at Adaline for the first time in years.

“Oh, Addie!” Joyce cried and enfolded Adaline into a hug, crying into the girl’s shoulder. Adaline held on tighter as Joyce let go of all her feelings, holding onto her daughter’s best friend for dear life.

“Hi Joyce.” Adaline said trying to ease the woman’s mind for a few moments.

“Oh Addie. It was all so—so quick. She was killed by a car. They said she was distracted and walked in front of traffic. Oh Addie! Why would she do something like that?” Joyce cried harder and Adaline held on tighter. Adaline’s mind swirled with confusion, what was going on in Sara’s mind that caused her to be so distracted?

“I don’t know Joyce.” Adaline replied numbly. It hurt to learn of her best friend’s death. It hurt even more to learn the way she died.

“Oh dear, I just don’t know how to make sense of things.”

“How are you holding up?” Adaline asked so she could look into Joyce’s blue eyes.

“I’m getting by. I think I still don’t quite believe it yet. It only happened yesterday afternoon.” Joyce
said, eyes watering even more.

“How’s James doing?” Adaline asked, already knowing the answer. Joyce’s eyes began to soften and water more, if at all possible.

“Oh sweetie. He’s not doing very well. He hasn’t come out of the guest room since he heard. He won’t let me in there. Maybe you can try to talk to him?” Joyce asked hopefully.

“Sure. Lead the way.” She said dropping her purse down next to her other bags. She moved out of the smaller foyer into the large entry room. She looked around the house. The stairs were located in the entry room, and behind her to the left another door led to another room, perhaps a study. Directly to her left was the large dining room, with a beautiful mahogany table. Another door, in front of her, led off to a small bathroom, which was evident through the propped open door. To her right was open space which connected to the rest of the first floor of the house. Joyce led her to the stairs directly to her right. The walls were a cream color; the beautiful dark brown hardwood floor sprawled from the entry way to the dining room, then melted into a dark brown carpet in the direction of the rest of the house. She latched onto the white stair railing and ascended up the carpeted stairs. They ran parallel to the entry room, the first flight leading as if to go outside, then turned to a sharp left, creating a perpendicular intersection between the two cases. From the small square intersection, the stairs turned left and she walked up the final steps until she reached the top story of the home. The top of the stairs led to a curving hallway off to the left. The entry way was visible form the second story, as it was open from below. Joyce led Adaline down the curving hallway, passing a door to her right. The hallway then began a gentle curve to the right and was met with a thinner, straight hallway that led to the back of the house. She passed two more rooms, one to the left at the hallway’s second curve and two to the right. Joyce followed the soft turn in the walkway and led her down the skinny hallway to the final room at the end. She stopped here and gestured with her hand, then retreated back the way she came.

Adaline took a step closer to the door and raised her hand, and knocked. She was met with silence so she called out to the man inside.

“James? It’s Addie. Can I come in?” Adaline asked. Once again, no noise came from the room.

“James? I’m coming in okay?” Adaline warned and twisted the door knob open. The sight before her nearly took her breath away. James lay motionless atop the comforter, staring blankly at the wall. His face empty of all feeling, showing nothing. She noticed his messy brown hair, running askew in all directions. His eyes were haunting. They were usually pools of life and happiness, now all that remained was an empty shell. She began to walk across the floor, the wooden floor causing the sound of her heels to resonate and fill the still room. She approached slowly, almost afraid to scare or startle him in any way. The sound must have been enough to snap him from his trance as his eyes flicked to Adaline. Immediately recognition registered across his face and he seemed to drink her in, grateful for her presence.

“Ad—Adaline?” he asked, his voice almost not capable of completing her name. He looked like a lost puppy, in pain and alone. Adaline froze, afraid to move any closer.

“Yea, it’s me James.” Adaline stayed in place.

“Why… why are you here?” he asked confused.

“To see you silly.” Adaline replied with a weak smile.

“Me? Why me?” James asked genuinely confused.

“Because I think we both need a friend right about now.” She said. At that moment, James’s body began to convulse as he was racked with sobs. Adaline kicked from her heels and bounded over to him. As soon as she was in reach, he grabbed her and pulled her into him. She sat down on the bed and splayed her legs out in front of her. James curled his body around hers, his head resting on her stomach. She was like a comfort object to him. Almost like a crying infant and a stuffed animal. She made the pain slightly more bearable.

“She was the love of my life.” He said between tears as he continued to cry and clutch her harder. She began to run his fingers through his hair, desperate to sooth him.

“I know James. I’m so sorry.”

“How—how am I supposed to move on from this? I can’t. There’s no one who can rep—replace her. I never want anyone to.” He turned his face down into her stomach. Soaking her silk shirt full of tears. She continued to play with his hair, and placed one hand on his back.

“I’m so sorry James.” She said again.

“How did you get here?”

“Joyce called and I got on the next plane. Don’t worry about it. I’m here now and we will get through this together.” She tried to comfort him, even if she didn’t believe she could get over this.

“That’s the thing Addie. I don’t think I can move on.” James cried hopelessly. Sobs continued to seize his body, so Adaline just let him cry. She knew he had to do this. It was needed in order for him to begin accepting Sara’s death. It still felt so foreign to say that. To acknowledge the fact her best friend was dead. She looked around the room and could see Sara’s touch everywhere. From the aqua walls to the grey rug, and the yellow bedspread. Sara’s warmth and touch was everywhere in the house. It almost hurt to feel her presence, but still be so far from her. It also hurt Adaline that James couldn’t bear to go into the master bedroom. In fact, he was in the bedroom furthest from their room.

“Addie?” James looked up at her. His red eyes and puffy cheeks reveled the pain he was feeling.

“Yea?” Adaline asked looking down at him.

“Thanks for coming. Thanks for being here.” He said before dropping his head back down to her stomach. He went very still after that. Just holding onto Adaline like a life raft after a shipwreck. Lost in their own thoughts, they didn’t speak; just held each other trying to recover from having the person they loved dearly ripped from them. James would move his head every once and a while and relapse into stillness he was in before. Adaline kept absentmindedly running her fingers through his hair, as it was having the effect she was hoping for. Who knows how long they sat together, just enjoying the company of the other. Adaline felt James’s breath evening out, assuming he was asleep; she began to shimmy from underneath him to check on Joyce.

“Don’t leave. Please.” He said intensifying his grip around her.

“Not ever. Promise.” Adaline replied before moving more soundly back in her original position. James seemed content with the answer as he drifted off to sleep leaving Adaline to think.