Make It to Me

Two long days after Adaline had fallen asleep while face timing Sidney she was starting to get anxious. She was missing James and she was missing Sid as well. Her flight back to Pittsburgh was a few days away still, and she wanted nothing more than to push it forward until immediately.

Currently, she was trying her hand at running. She liked to call herself a runner…only she would completely ruin the run by going and gorging at her favorite breakfast joint. But, living so close to the boardwalk meant that it was almost an obligation that she had to run by the beach. What type of Californian was she if she didn’t jog on the beach?

As her feet pounded against the concrete, her breath was becoming increasingly labored and her legs were screaming in protest. Did she mention that she was an occasional runner? Only deciding to go at the last second and expecting to be in top physical shape.

Going for a run on the beach, as cliché as it sounded, cleared her mind completely. There was something about the salt in the air and the sound of the waves crashing on the sand that lulled her into a state of complete oblivion to her surroundings. She subconsciously moved out of the way of cyclists and other runners but didn’t seem to notice much else as she glided through the crowd.

A mother and a son were walking hand in hand just ahead of her. They were laughing and he was saying ‘mama’ over and over again as his feet danced in place too fast for his body. Adaline’s pace began to slow as she watched the interaction.

The little boy was in a tiny pair of swim trunks and flip-flops as he plodded along. Adaline swooned at how cute he was in his tiny clothes.

“PAPA!” Adaline heard the little boy squeal as he ran over to a man approaching him and his mother. The father bent down into a squatting position and opened his arms wide as the boy flung himself into his waiting embrace. Immediately, the father’s arms folded around his son and hugged him tight.

Her heart did a weird twisting thing with feelings on longing and remorse. Adaline had always seen kids in her future, but not in her immediate future. She wasn’t ready to be a mother yet; she wasn’t financially stable and she wasn’t in a stable relationship in which to raise a child. But…whenever she saw children he heart did a flip with her want to love her future baby. The remorse was new though; she had never felt sad when she looked at a child. Only…she had pictured herself becoming an aunt to James and Sara’s children. She had imagined watching Sara and James fall deeper in love as they raised their baby. She had imagined Sara’s and her children growing up together, becoming best friends as their mothers had. Now…she felt remorse for what she lost. But, how could she? What right did she have to feel loss?
Sara would never be a mother; she wouldn’t have the family she had always dreamed of. And James…. All of their plans were gone. All of their plans to start a family in Pittsburgh were shot to hell and here Adaline was…feeling sad for herself.

Shaking her head, angry at her own selfishness, she picked up her pace and ran by the family as she tried to push everything from her mind.

~
“Hello Sidney.” Mario greeted as they met outside of James’s house. Mario had called Sidney to ask him to come to see James, to check on hi.

“Hey Mario.” Sidney greeted as he locked his car and began walking up the pathway to James’s front door. Not much was said between the two, almost a reverent quiet had settled over them, both at a lost for words. Sidney wished Adaline was there to help him figure out what to say to James, what he should do, how he should act. Adaline seemed to always know what to say to James and everyone else for that matter. She would help him figure out what to do, how to be the comfort that James needed.

Mario knocked on the door and a few moments later, a ragged looking James opened the door. His eyes widened slightly as he looked at Mario, clearly not expecting the team’s owner to be on his doorstep.

“Hi Mario…Sid.” James greeted awkwardly as he stepped back to let the two men into his house. They all walked over to the living room and sat down.

“How are you James?” Mario questioned with genuine concern.

“Um…as well as I can be…considering.” James said looking between his feet. Sidney wanted to say something to help him, but he had no clue what to say. James looked worse for wear. He hadn’t shaved in a couple days and his clothes looked like they hadn’t been changed in days. His blue eyes were a strained red from crying which is why they were downcast, avoiding both Mario and Sidney.

“I’m very sorry James. I wanted to come by with Sidney to see how you were doing and let you know that if you need anything at all, I’d be more than happy to help.” Mario assured. James nodded his head in understanding and gratitude.

“Thanks.” James said looking up at them again.

“Do…do you need anything?” Sidney asked James. James shook his head.

“I’m fine. Adaline will be back in two days.” James told him, a small smile tugging at his lips when he told Sidney.

“I’m sorry. Who is Adaline?” Mario asked slightly confused, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Adaline is Sara’s best friend. She’s been staying with me…helping me get through all of this.” James informed. Mario nodded his head, whether he really understood who Adaline was or not. The group continued to talk for a while longer, Mario asking the expected questions, trying to be sensitive but trying to figure out where James’s head was. Once Mario seemed to ascertain that James was indeed okay, he said that he was going to head out and visit again in a few James. Sidney remained.

“Are you really doing okay?” Sidney asked again. James’s head dropped down into his hands.

“Shit…I don’t know. I just really want Adaline back here. It’s like…if she’s around Sara’s not really gone…I’m not alone. She makes it bearable.” James sighed. Sidney knew that James had just lost his wife and he loved her more than anything else…but damn if he didn’t feel a twinge of jealously hearing James talk about Adaline that way.

“I know.” Sidney sympathized. James seemed to want to change the direction of conversation and propositioned going to the gym to work off the pain in chest. Sidney whole-heartedly agreed and the two set off to Console. For the first time since Sidney had arrived, he felt he was helping James.

~
“Hey Jamie.” Adaline answered his call. She had been missing James terribly and was exceedingly happy that he had called her as she was packing her bags preparing for the trip tomorrow.

“Hey Adds. How’s LA land?” He questioned, trying to keep his emotions at bay. Hearing her voice felt like coming home in this messed up reality; it was like he had his anchor back, the life raft he was clutching onto.

“It’s good. Warm. I miss you Jamie.” Adaline told him.

“I miss you too.” James breathed. They were all they had left of Sara…the link between them had been her and now in order to remember her they had to hold onto one another.

“I’m packing my things…I actually had a question.” Adaline said nervously.

“What?”

“Well…if I’m going to be staying longer…can I bring my cat Austen with me? I just—“

“Of course.” James cut her off. He was hopeful. If Adaline was asking to bring her cat then she really was serious about staying longer. He was so nervous about being alone and her leaving that hearing her reaffirm she was staying for a long while made him exceedingly happy.

Adaline was busy folding t-shirts listening to James talk on speaker when her hands fell across a certain t-shirt. Her and Sara had gotten matching t-shirts from their trip to Las Vegas. Her shirt still had the blue stain all over it from here she’d been splattered with paint while helping Sara paint her first apartment. Her and Sara had gotten in a paint war before falling on the floor in a fit of giggles. Adaline’s world seemed to quit turning as she moved the worn fabric across her fingers. She remembered Sara’s hair shining in the summer light and their laughs resounding through the vacant apartment. She remembered being happy and wanting to hold onto the memories with her best friend. She remembered thinking that even though they were moving to different parts of the country, they’d never be that far apart.

Tears began to sting her eyes as she held the shirt. She reached out behind her and sat down on the bed, her legs too shaky to hold herself.

“Adaline?” James cut through the silence. Adaline’s attention snapped back to her phone lying on her dresser directly in front of her. She hastily wiped at her cheeks and coughed to clear her voice.

“I’m here. Sorry…I got distracted.” Adaline smoothed over.

“Are you sure?” James asked dubiously. He had heard Adaline go silent and her soft cries.

“Yea…I’m actually in the middle of packing. Can I give you a call in the morning before my flight takes off?” Adaline asked desperately. She didn’t want James to hear her lose it because she was seconds before she couldn’t contain it anymore.

“Sure.” James said in confusion. Adaline immediately hung up the phone and cried into her hands. Her body was shaking as she hiccupped in sobs.

It wasn’t fair. Sara had everything going for her…and she would never have anything anymore.

~
The next morning, Adaline had woken up with red, swollen eyes as she grabbed her bags and Austen’s cat carrier and took off toward LAX. She had several texts from Sidney of the last few days asking her if she was okay and asking about her travel plans…she just didn’t have the heart to answer them. She was probably being irrational but after seeing that little boy and thinking about Sara, her happiness seemed selfish.

‘Hey James. I’m about to board. See you soon.’ Adaline fired off before walking into the large airport. The last time she was flying out of here she was going because of a tragedy…because her life was falling apart. Now, she was flying out to help James and help herself heal from the pain that they were both feeling. She was heading out there to begin again…to try to make sense of the world without the person they both loved so much in it.

Austen was pacing relentlessly in her crate, crying and pawing at the crate. She was expressing Adaline’s internal turmoil. Adaline looked out of the large windows at the early LA skyline. For some reason she felt like this would be the last time she’d be seeing it for some time. Although, she knew that James needed her more than California did, it was still hard to leave her home…the place she returned to after so long. California would always be home, no matter where she was…and leaving tore her heart up.

Her phone buzzed in her purse as she stared longingly at the outside and at home. Was she ready to give it up? She loved James and she wanted to help him…but if felt like giving up a piece of herself.

After checking Austen into the pet section and her luggage in with the front desk, she waited in the lobby until her flight number was called.

~
The flight touched down in the late evening at Pittsburgh International. She sent James a quick text to let him know that she had landed and she would be finding him soon. She picked up Austen, who thankfully, had fallen asleep and was snuggled into her blankets. Her large suitcase and duffle bag plodded along beside her as she walked out into the receiving section of the airport.

Her eyes immediately began searching the waiting room for James. Her eyes danced over a lanky figure leaning against a pillar, a baseball hat pulled down low. She saw the edge of his tattoo sleeve peaking out from under his hoodie and the goofy way his hair skewed about.

“Jamie!” Adaline called loud enough to get his attention, but not quite loud enough to draw everyone else’s attention. His head snapped up from where he was looking down at his phone, searched for a moment, and finally settled on Adaline. Immediately, his lost eyes seemed to soften as tears began to cloud his eyes. He set off walking in her direction as she sat Austen’s carrier on the ground beside her. He jogged the last few steps toward her and immediately threw his arms around her and crushed her into a hug. His head buried and nestled into the hair on her neck, simply taking her in.

Adaline’s arms flung around his neck as he lifted her off her toes slightly, holding her tighter.

“Addy.” James choked out. One of her hands pressed to the back of his head, comforting him. Her eyes were beginning to water because of how emotional James was and how much she had missed him…realizing how much they needed each other. How comforting it was to have each other, to be with the other person that meant the world to Sara.

Adaline wasn’t sure how long had passed before James began to pull back. They simply stood there, together…oblivious to the people walking around them. It was just peace for this short time…the first time either had felt peace since leaving each other.

“Let’s go home, eh?” James asked her through a watery smile.

“There’s the Canadian.” Adaline chuckled.

“This the devil cat?” James teased as he picked up Austen’s carrier.

“Hey! Austen is a great cat. She’s just selective in who she likes.” Adaline protested with a soft smack to his arm.

“Sure, sure.” James said dubiously. He took her large suitcase form her and began leading her to the car.

“Holy hell!” Adaline yelped as she felt the cooler Pittsburg air. “I’ve only been gone a week!”

“Welcome to the polar vortex.” James laughed at Adaline’s shivers. She shuffled into the car, taking Austen out of James’s hands and placed her on her lap as he drove back to his house.

They pulled up in front of James’s large brick façade house and he swung the car into the garage. As he pulled the luggage out of the back of the car Adaline opened up the house and let Austen out of the cat carrier. Immediately, the engagement kitten, Winnie came trotting up to Austen. Then, the two cats scampered off to go play in the living room.

“James your cat loves mine!” Adaline taunted. He shuffled into the room dragging all of Adaline’s luggage with him.

“I always knew her judgment was faulty!” James huffed.

“You’re just saying that because Austen doesn’t like you.” Adaline said as she grabbed her duffle bag and placed it at the bottom of the stairs, intending to take it up to her room later that night.

“I thought we could maybe watch some TV…if you’re not too tired?” James asked hopefully.

“Sure. Let me go put on some Pjs.” Adaline smiled. She grabbed her purse and duffle bag and retreated upstairs. Her feet fell silently up the carpeted staircase and then through the hallway. Her bedroom door was open, her bed made.

After setting her bags down she pulled her phone out intending to text her dad, letting him know she’d made it.

‘Are you ever going to answer me?’ Sidney had texted her, along with his missed call from earlier that morning. She felt guilty for not talking to him. After the face time call she had briefly texted him over the next day…then she was the mom and son and hadn’t been able to bring herself to reply since. She knew it wasn’t fair…but her emotions weren’t exactly playing fair either.

After changing into her warm, thermal sweats she walked downstairs and joined James on the couch. He had put on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, her favorite. Adaline smiled as she snuggled into the couch and let her fantasy boyfriend, McDreamy, charm her into oblivion. She always loved watching Grey’s. There was something about the scandal of the hospital to make her own life feel slightly less drama free.

James rolled his eyes when the couples got too sappy and cheered when a gruesome injury came into the ER. Austen was snuggled on her lap and Winnie was laying against her side, much to James’s disgruntled huff at Adaline stealing his cat.

“I’m glad you’re back.” James smiled over at Adaline. “This week was hard without you.” He admitted.

“I’m glad I’m back too. I don’t know if we would have been able to get through this without each other.” Adaline confirmed his feelings.

“I just miss her so damn much.” James said as he looked at Adaline hopelessly.

“I do too James. I don’t know whom you’re getting through this. I know how much you loved her. You were so good for her James. She was so scared moving to Dallas and you came in and made her feel like Dallas was home. I know for a fact that she loved you more than anyone else.” Adaline told him.

James fell silent for a moment.

“We…we were having problems before…before you know.” James admitted.

“What?” Adaline asked utterly confused. Sara had never mentioned anything

“She wanted to have kids and I said that I wasn’t ready to give my life up…Can you believe how fucked up that is? I didn’t want to give my life up? Having kids would have been the best thing that ever happened to me…and now my life is over.” James ruefully said.

“Oh James.” Adaline sympathized. “I had no clue.”

“It was the night before the accident. She left that morning to clear her mind.” James numbly revealed. “I didn’t tell anyone.” James said.

Adaline gently pushed the cats off her and sat down next to James. She grabbed his hand and cradled it between both of hers. He just sat there…numb to the world. She knew he was hurting, but now she truly learned the true extent of his pain.

James squeezed her hand back.

“I know she loved me…but I want to know if she remembered how much I loved her, despite how selfish I was.”

“I know she did. That’s part of love Jamie. Remembering how much you love the other person despite what they may have said. It’s knowing they love you even when they don’t act like it.” Adaline whispered over to him. James nodded and turned back to the show.

They stayed up for a while later before James said he was going to head up to bed. Adaline decided to join him and fell into a restless sleep.

~
Adaline groaned as she rolled over in bed because of the sunlight peaking through the blinds. She was tired because of running on California time and the early morning in Pittsburgh.

She changed into a white, flowy chiffon shirt and a pair of dark wash blue jeans. The cold house made her put on a pale pink cardigan as she walked downstairs. A note was taped on the fridge that said James had gone to the gym for the morning. Adaline walked over to the fridge and pulled out the coffee creamer.

The doorbell ringing caused her to walk to the front door. Without checking the peephole, she opened to door and her breath caught in her throat. Sidney’s dark eyes were drilling holes into her.

“Uh…Hi. Come in.” Adaline stepped back and opened the door allowing Sidney to walk into the house. He stepped past her and said nothing as she closed the door and lingered for a moment before she turned to look at him.

“Can I get you some coffee?” Adaline asked nervously. Sidney shook his head and remained silent. His silent was maddening and making her more anxious by the moment.

“Did I do something?” Sidney asked confused. They were still standing in the foyer, Adaline leaning back against the front door.

“What?” Adaline questioned, caught off guard.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sidney repeated. Adaline’s fingers began to twist as she shuffled past him and walked into the kitchen, trying to flee from him. She didn’t want to confront him over this. She heard him following her as she walked over the coffee maker and poured herself a cup with shaky hands.

“Adaline? Are you going to just ignore me?” Sidney asked, a defensive edge creeping into his voice.

“No.” Adaline whispered.

“Then what happened?” Sidney asked again, her back still to him.

“Nothing.” Adaline said, trying to get him to drop it.

“Adaline look at me.” Sidney demanded. Adaline made no move to turn around. “Adaline turn around.” Sidney said taking a step in her direction. Hesitantly, Adaline placed the mug on the counter and turned to face him.

What happened?” Sidney asked her.

“Nothing happened, Sidney.” Adaline tried to brush him off.

“Something the hell happened. One minute we’re really getting along and the next we’re not even speaking. Granted, I don’t get out much but even I know that’s not normal.” Sidney pinned her.

“It’s not like we were dating Sidney.” Adaline bristled, speaking rashly.

“It certainly felt like that it was heading that way.” Sidney challenged her.

“That’s absurd…you were just looking out for me because I was sad.” Adaline spewed irrationally. Sidney looked at her, completely confused.

In an instant, Sidney closed the gap between them. One of his hands settled on the curve of her jaw and the other threaded through her hair. He pulled her jaw upward toward him and his head ducked down to her. Swiftly, his lips descended on hers. His hands tightened their grasp on their respective places as the pressure of his lips became more insistent.

Adaline was stunned into stillness as she felt his lips press against hers, but her heart and resolve began to melt. She met the pressure of his lips with pressure of her own. Their lips danced together as Sidney let out a groan and pulled her flush against his body.

Adaline’s breath caught as her hands slowly crept up his large biceps and into his hair as she gave it a soft tug. The hand in Adaline hair slipped down her back and landed at her waist as he pressed her closer to him. He pushed her back against the counter, crowding her space.

Sidney let out another soft groan as his lips began to tease hers open. Adaline’s lips parted slightly forming a whole new kind of heat. She gasped at the intrusion, giving Sidney full access. His hand began to squeeze her waist as he tried to pull her closer to him.

Adaline was losing herself in his kiss. Losing herself in him. The cold kitchen counter was beginning to dig into the base of her spine…the kitchen counter…where was she? She was in Sara’s kitchen.

Instantly, she froze and pulled herself back from Sidney, as far as she could anyway. Sidney’s breath was shallow and pained sounding as he tried to reign in his composure. His dark honey eyes hadn’t opened yet to see her troubled hazel ones. After a few more shallow breaths, Sidney’s lust filled eyes opened and locked on hers.

“That…that can’t happen again.... not in here.” Adaline gulped. Sidney seemed to recognize some of her distress.

“Just tell me Adaline…tell me you didn’t feel something.” He pleaded, cupping her jaw, keeping eye contact. They were still closely intertwined, occupying each other’s space.

“Yes…I felt something.” Adaline admitted closing her eyes.

“Then why the cold shoulder?”

“I just…I felt guilty because of happy I was. Sara will never have that chance again.” Adaline opened her tear-filled eyes as she looked up at him. His thumb swiped high on her cheekbone, sweeping away a non-existent tear.

“I didn’t know her as well as you did. But, I have to believe that Sara would have wanted you to be happy…no matter what.” Sidney sympathized.

“I know it’s an irrational thought…but…I just couldn’t help but feel that way.” Adaline said, her tear-filled eyes beginning to dry up slightly.

“Next time we need to just talk it out. Okay?” Sidney said.

“Deal.” Adaline said, starting to feel better. She lightly pushed on his chest, wanting to be let up from her place pinned against the counter.

“How about we go do something fun tomorrow? No pressure?” Sidney asked hopefully. His boyish grin took over his entire face, a slight blush tinting his cheeks from having just asked her out and the kissed they had just shared.

“That sounds good.” Adaline smiled.

“I actually have to run. I have to hit the gym and go talk to the NHLPA some more.” Sidney said remorsefully. Adaline frowned for him.

“I’m sorry. I’ll text you tonight?” Adaline asked him.

“I’m counting on it. Walk me to the door?” Sidney hoped as he threaded their fingers together and began dragging her at first. Adaline playfully dragged her feet and made a fuss about walking him, but she was happy…and she didn’t seem to want him to leave, even if she was confused about how she felt about everything.

He gave her and one more squeeze and promised to see her tomorrow before walking out the front door.