All out and Over

Her feet connected with the parched ground, making a dull thump as she dropped herself from the wagons suspension. Dust flew up beneath her boots, but Cara didn’t notice. She was too agitated to notice. Her thoughts racing through her mind. She could not stop them. She could not compose herself as Malory did, go about things the sensible way. Cara was a flame, either burning hot, or not burning at all.

Her foot kicked against a tin can that lay on the rubbled circus terrain, it flew a few feet from her, but the connection of her boot with that wasteful beverage did not calm down her anger. Malory had thrown her out of her wagon with only a promise to fix the situation. She had pretended it to be a small bump in the road, while Cara perceived it as more of an unmovable mountain.

They know, they fucking know Malory, why do you act like it is no damn deal! It endangers all our plans! Don’t you see?!

Malory had said not one word about being with Dmitri, yet Cara didn’t mention it either. Her friend had not let her. She had waved her away and send out the magician too. Maybe that was the reason they did not discuss it, the Magician had been in the way.

“I heard you weren’t with the lion tamer this morning” The words had left her lips like she had no blame. She had not been with Dmitri, that was true, but when had this scheme turned into pleasing Dmitri at every single of his whims. It had simply continued for him not to become suspicious, Malory had never mentioned she had to spread her legs at every finger snap he made. She had never discussed any desire to act like her pimp. Dmitri should not become suspicious yet, he was not the commander of her lust, he was not to use her as a toy either. She was in control. She knew when and what she wanted and she wanted her Molly. She wanted her soothing pills, not that lion tamer.

I am not your sex toy Malory; I am not your slave!

The strong fingers of the knife thrower lingered in her mind, how they had curled and traveled up her spine, feeling up the strings of her bodice. He knew. How long had he known. Who else knew? Her relationship with Dmitri was to be a very close-knit secret for their plan to succeed. Who KNEW?!

“Just the girl I wanted to see,”

Cara almost literally jumped up at the sound of the man’s voice. He was leaning against one of the baggage wagons that where usually loaded with the circus equipment, properties and trunks. At her halt, the Magician pushed himself from the wood and stepped towards her. His movements were fluid like he was performing one of his nimble-fingered tricks.

“Me?” Cara said a bit unsure. She did not know the Magician too much, Xavier was like Malory; keeping his self to himself. He was as mysterious off stage as he was on. He gave her the creeps that was for sure. Those piercing dark eyes that now bore into her made her want to hide. He made her skin crawl and her feet anxious to run. However, she was nailed to the straw littered ground, the tin can she had just kicked a few yard away.

“Indeed you, dear little flame,” Xavier said as he walked half a circle to end at her other side. “Care for some tea?”

“Tea? Seriously?” She said, almost laughing at the absurdity of his offer. “Do I look like a girl that drinks tea?” It had taken her longer than usual, yet she had found her deviant composure again. The rage she had held inside had been put on the backburner, swapped for some new gameplay; curiosity.

“I find my tea rather, how should I put it... calming,” Xavier said. He was close now. His top hat crooked slightly on his head, towering over him and his dark coat slowly sailing the wind. Before she knew it, he grabbed her hands. She wanted to pull back, she wanted to yank herself from his touch but he was strong, holding on to her quivering fingers as she tried wriggling free.

I need a fix. I need a fix.

His eyes connected with her as her trembling resonated through his fingertips. “You seem to be in need of something to calm you, now don’t you my dear Cara.”

Cara averted her gaze. She could not look this man in the eye. It was too disturbing. In the distance, her eyes fixed upon Dmitri’s tent. The sand colored canvas gently waved at her as a breeze moved the open flap. Dmitri could calm her like he usually did, but she dared not to go near him now. Not until Malory had fixed the rumor, not until Malory had stopped the flood of gossip. It was dangerous in this circus, once one knew; there was no saying when everyone knew. Slander traveled faster than the circus itself and she was not willing to become one of its victims.

She turned back and Xavier let go of her hands. Immediately she dragged her hands through her wild hair, keeping them busy. She was itchy; she was twitching. She desperately needed a fix. She needed to disappear into that world of ignorance for a while. She wanted to; she needed to.

“What is in that tea of yours?” Cara asked.

Maybe Linda and Lisa are not the only ones keeping dirty business within their tent. Maybe this wizard can conjure me something.

“Why don’t you come and find out,” Xavier offered his arm and with hesitation, she took it. Her bodice was still crooked, her hair still roughed by Freddy. She felt awfully naked in his presence. Something she usually did not care about, something she usually rather liked. Yet Xavier did not look at her that way. He did not look at her like the men during her shows. He did not have that animalistic look Dmitri could drench her in and he was not equipped with the eager eyes of Freddy. His glare was dark, and it fed her curiosity, it drew her in.

“Don’t you have a show to perform in a bit?” Cara said as she let herself be lead.

“Sweetheart, I am a magician after all.”

Cara glanced at Xavier as he led her towards his own accommodation and her thoughts went towards the Siamese twins. They traded their bodies for some extra cash and probably some drugs too. Was Xavier their supplier? Is that what he wanted?

This must be some Molly, or I’m out. Lisa and Linda can always fix me up if this crazy witch disappoints me.

Her hands still trembled and her mouth was dry. Flashes of Freddy still appeared before her, him grabbing her ass and Dmitri sinking his teeth in her neck. She was in a web. A large web. One made of drugs, alcohol and secrets. The more she wiggled, the more she got stuck.

I need a fix. I need one NOW.