I Met a Boy

I met a boy in spring.
He made me cut my hair, stand up straight and wait in the rain.
Taught me to be polite.
He wanted me to be safe.
And he always said 'I love you.'
But only after sex and countless shots of vodka, again, and again.
He would pull at the hair he made me cut short.
Run his sharp nails down the back he straightened.
He made me say please, he never said the same.
He made me beg.
He made sure I was grateful, as my body fell lame.
His name was Matthew and I told me friends about him as I sipped on hot coffee.
I needed the burn, the pain.
And winced when the scratches on my back rubbed against my shirt.
'Well, you seem happy,' my friends said, 'that's all we ask for.'
But as I walked home, I nearly fell for the train.
I was not happy.

In the summer, I met a boy.
He tasted like cigarettes and smelt like cheap champagne.
His name was Zack and he always said 'I love you.'
He'd whisper it whenever he may.
Ever waking moment, 'I love you.'
He hurt himself whenever I didn't say it back.
He'd scream and he'd say,
'You don't love me.'
Blamed me for the scars on his wrists.
He threatened to kill himself when I left one day.
My best friend watched as I washed the blood off my hands after returning from the hospital.
He told me it'll be okay.
But I had to stay away from the mental hospital.
We both knew I was not happy.
Would I be happy again?

In autumn I spent time
with a boy.
He told me we were doing this his way.
'Listen to Rian, Jacky, listen to me, your master.'
And he held me tight as below him, I lay.
He held me too tight.
He said he was in charge.
And when I challenged that, he hit me that day.
'I love you, I'm only doing this for you.'
But my friends saw my bruises, upon my body, purple haze.
'Rian does this because he loves me.'
They called the police.
I never saw him again.

In winter, I didn't want to love anyone.
But then I met him.
His name was Alex and he smiled at me like I was important.
And he shone like the sun.
And when he walked into my life.
I didn't expect to fall.
Because he kisses like the devil.
He burns my skin.
Yet he chases the demons away.
He makes me feel safe.
My friends began to notice my distracted gaze.
I told him about Alex.
And how I love him in every way.
And when I introduced them.
My friends only smiled.
'What's wrong?' I say.
Alex took my hand tightly.
'Keep him. Stay.'
So I kept my Alex.
My Alex, mine he stayed.
Forever, as one, day after day.