Valentine's Day

In all honesty, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t head over heels in love with him, but I knew there had to be a time. I can remember when I met him for the first time, so surely that would’ve been when I didn’t love him? I don’t know.

I, Jack Barakat, am utterly in love with my best friend, Alex Gaskarth.

It’s coming up to Valentine’s Day and I knew that Alex had already been asked out by various girls. I pretend it doesn’t hurt in front of him, but when I go home every night, I imagine myself in those girl’s places. Me being the one he kiss and saying ‘I love you’ to.

“Hey Jack!”

My gaze goes from the wall opposite me to the glorious form of Alex. I smile, which is an ingrained response from whenever I see him, I couldn’t help it. Not that I want to.

“Hey Alex,” I say, leaning against the wall, “What’s up?”

His shoulders lower, unintentionally displaying his unhappiness, and he says, “Another girl hit on me.”

I force the grin to stay on my face, though it feels fake now to me, saying, “Oh yeah?”

Oh, that’s another thing: no one knows I’m gay for my best friend. It’s a kicker ‘cause everyone tries to set me up with girls. Including Alex unfortunately.

Alex sighs before saying, “Yeah, well I told her that you’re available. You don’t mind do you?”

Yes I fucking well do! My mind screams but I chuckle and say, “Nah, course not.”

“Didn’t think so.”



It is a week to Valentine’s Day and I need to do something drastic (that isn’t kissing Alex and saying that I fucking love him in front of the whole school) because every single girl we pass in the corridors flirts with Alex, and damn, he flirts back. This is killing me slowly.

I have do something. Even if it is anonymous.

That’s it.

An anonymous gift to Alex. From me of course, but he won’t know that.

I need to go to the mall.



A day before Valentine’s, I realise that I’m going to have to be sneaky about this. The last thing I want – or need – is Alex catching me while I’m putting his gift in his locker.

One of the advantages of being Alex’s best friend is that I know his locker code.



When Alex arrives at school – I’d gone before him to ensure that I got his gift in without him seeing – I greet him normally. Well, as normally as I can manage given my stomach feels like it’s filled with butterflies.

“Jack! Why didn’t you walk with me?” Alex asks as we walk to his locker.

“Oh…” Why hadn’t I thought of an excuse? “I had to see a teacher about some homework.”

As soon as the lie is out of my mouth, I think that it’s a shitty lie, and from Alex’s facial expression, he thinks so too. Great, now he knows I’m lying to him. (But it’s for a good reason, I swear.)

“Ok…” He said.

We reach Alex’s locker and I watch with a vague sense of nausea, which is a mix of excitement and nerves – sorry, sheer bloody panic. What if he doesn’t like it? Or what if he immediately knows it’s from me? Or… But my mind slows when I notice the smile on his face.

“What’ve you got?” I say, peering over his shoulder to have a closer look, playing the curious friend who doesn’t know anything about the present in his locker.

He’s opened the wrapping paper – it took me about an hour to wrap it, wrapping things isn’t one of my strong suits – and pulling it off to reveal the box. Silently, as Alex opens the lid, I pray that he’ll like it. It had taken me about three hours to decide what to get him, even though I was the one who knew him best.

“It’s…it’s a…”

I finish for Alex, seeing as he’s having trouble speaking, “A gift card for Taco Bell.”

Yes, that’s right. I got Alex a shitty gift card for his favourite restaurant. How shit is that? I’d seriously thought about it and come up with a gift card.

He turns to me and says, “D’you wanna go?”

“Where?”

“To Taco Bell idiot!” Alex says, punching me on the shoulder.

“Oh. I thought you’d want to go with a girl.” I say, hating myself for saying that. Why couldn’t I just be happy that he’d asked me?

“Nah. I’d rather go with you.”

“Ok.” I say, hoping that he’d notice the note that I’d written that was still in his locker.

Alex turns back to his locker and picks up the note.

“What’s this?” He wonders out loud.

I gulp. Watching Alex open the envelope with careful fingers was more nerve-wracking than watching him open the shitty gift card.

After a few moments, after he’s read it, I say, “What does it say Alex?”

Instead of telling me, he just hands the paper to me. I read it.



I hand the familiar note back to Alex, noticing for the first time the wetness around his eyes. My note brought him to tears. Holy shit. That’s…I don’t have words to describe how that makes me feel inside.

(But Alex will never know that I was the one who wrote the note and planted it in his locker, will he? Maybe it’s better this way.)

“Jack?”

I blink slowly, focusing on Alex.

“Yeah Alex?”

“The bell went. Class is starting.” Alex says, closing his locker.

“Ok.”



Maybe I could do something leading up to Christmas? Where I’m not such a fucking coward and tell him that I love him?

An idea begins to take place in my mind and all thoughts of Geography fly out of the window.