Dash of Reality

When I wake up the next time, the sun’s light had really decreased but I didn’t hear anyone around. I rolled to look at the clock and it says 5:30 pm and I should be hearing Brooklyn getting her dinner. She’s always noisey during feedings so I’m confused. This causes me to get up quickly and throw on Jon’s hoodie that I stole earlier in the day and head downstairs. I still don’t hear Brooklyn.
I find Jon and Izzy sitting in the kitchen at the breakfast bar. They were speaking in hushed tones and I hope that she hasn’t told Jon her thoughts on why I’m sick. I haven’t taken the home test so I really don’t have an idea if it is even happening.
“Where’s Brooklyn? It is dinner time.” I come into their view when I say it. Jon can’t even turn to look at me and Izzy’s eyes are wet. “What’s wrong? Where is Brooklyn and is she okay?” it takes quite some time for a response and its Jon who answers.
“The cancer is strong. The meds haven’t shaken it. Doc says she should have a bone marrow transplant. We already tested me and I’m not a good enough match. David is going to get tested because he is our best bet now because Ande was an only child. If David isn’t a match, we will have a very hard time finding a donor. They searched the available donors list and no one is a good enough match.” He looks so shaken and miserable. I rush to him and wrap him into my arms.
“How soon will she need it?”
“It depends. But her immune system is already being impacted. When I told Doc you were sick, she insisted they admit Brooklyn. So I came home to tell you and get some clothes. Abby is there with her right now. I don’t know what I will do without her.”
“Jon, sweetheart. When I was talking to Izzy this afternoon about my symptoms, she told me I should take this test. I haven’t gotten to take it yet, but I plan to.” I told him as I got the box from where Izzy was standing with the bag from the store. I show him the box and watch his face show utter surprise. I also see the start of relief in his features as well. It was almost like his entire body de-tensified. I could tell his previous thoughts still weighed heavily on him, but this was most definitely helping the overall being of Jon.
“Will you do it now? I don’t know why that thought didn’t enter my head this morning. Maybe because Ande and I were just waiting impatiently for it that we knew right away. Or maybe I was just worried about today’s appointment for Brooklyn and you being sick threw me off. I don’t really know. But will you take it now? I’ll wait here for you,” he sounded hopeful and I hope that I wasn’t giving him any false hope. I nod and go to the downstairs bathroom. My head and my heart are pounding equally hard and fast as I take the test. So much is riding on this prediction of Izzy’s. I don’t know what will happen if it is negative. We have already thought about the possibilities as I take the test and Jon sits in the kitchen.
I cap the test, wash my hands, and leave it on the bathroom countertop. I make sure I know the time needed and go back to the kitchen.
“Three minutes and then we’ll know.” I tell him as he sits in front of the breakfast bar still with his head in his hands. Although, when he looks up, he doesn’t look sad or disappointed or even tense. He looks happy, like this is the first sign of things looking up.
I pull his hand and drag him over to the chair and a half in the family room. I have him sit first and then sit on his lap and cuddle into him. He wraps an arm around my waist and the other gently caresses my hair. I cuddle my face into his neck. Meanwhile, we were counting down the seconds until the time is up.
“Hey, babe, what do we do if it isn’t positive? What should we do for Brooklyn? We can’t guarantee we can have a baby before Brooklyn is beyond that point. So we have to have a plan, for Brooklyn.” Jon brings up as we await the results.
“I agree that a plan should be made, Jon. But let’s wait for the results. Let’s hope for the best of both worlds. You want to be a dad again, don’t you?” he nods enthusiastically and smiles one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen Captain Serious have. I definitely haven’t seen a smile that big on him since before Brooklyn was diagnosed. It makes me super happy that he is excited at the possibility of us having a child together.
“For our child, of course. Like I was telling you the other day, outside by the BBQ, I see a future with us. This would jumpstart it in the most fantastic way. If it isn’t something that happens right now, I still want that with you. Don’t doubt that, this is all I want,” he says it with that smile still plastered on his lips and I know this is where I want to be too. I want this man, I want a family, and I want this life. Even if it comes with heartbreak and troubles of having a sick cancer-striken daughter and a newborn while hopefully planning a wedding, I want this.
“Good. I want all of that with you too.” He places a soft kiss on my lips and then pulls me closer. I really enjoyed times he got cuddly and in this moment, I really appreciated it. “I think it’s been three minutes. Let’s go check.” He kisses my cheek and I get up so that he can come along too. I pull him by his hand and we go hand in hand into the bathroom to read the test. Not to our surprise, it reads positive. We both let out a big sigh and look to one another with huge grins permanently stretched across our features. “I love you,” I tell him so honestly as I lean in to kiss him. This overwhelms me with such a joy and admiration of the man I love. I finally got what I never knew what I wanted. He repeated the gesture and we kissed for just a bit longer.

That night, Jon went back to the hospital to stay with Brooklyn. Abby came to the house after leaving my new family. We hadn’t decided on anything more than having a baby, but that feels just great to me. It means that I am finally apart of this family.
“I don’t know what you did, but that was a complete 360 of the man who left the hospital a couple of hours ago.” Abby was in scrubs so I figured she worked today before spending time with Brooklyn. I assume that Jon told her to not bother with our floors today while I was feeling under the weather.
“I have news. You can’t tell anyone until we’re ready for it to be public.” I was internally screaming and couldn’t wait to tell my best friend, my sister.
“You’re having a baby?” she knew it and I could only nod through my happy tears. She squealed and rushed to hug me. “You are my first sister to have a baby! The guy’s and their wives obviously, but none of our sisters besides me. This is so great! Obviously Jon took it well?” I nod and smile widely.
“We are really exciting. We also made an appointment to talk with Brooklyn’s doctor tomorrow to see what testing should be done to see if this baby will be a match. However, that wasn’t why we decided to have this baby. It was not something we planned but we are overjoyed.”
“I am so happy for you. It’s not going to be easy for you – especially considering all the hospital trips with Brooklyn. You should hire some help, or consider it.”
“That’s kind of how I got to be in this situation in the first place, Abs. You were telling Jon to hire some help. However, it isn’t the worst idea.” We both just giggled at the idea of how I got into this situation.
“This time, Jon won’t fall apart. He needed you as much as you needed him and Brooklyn. Plus, I knew you liked him. And I knew he was a guy who needed a good, strong woman for him. You are perfect. As weird as it sounds, Ande knew you would be good for him too. Her and I talked about getting Jon into a relationship. This is just the icing on the cake that you are my sister and the best person I could have ever tried to match him with. And you love Brooklyn. This is wonderful and I’m so glad he made that decision to give you the chance to be the nanny and ended up falling for you. And I’m happy that you fell for him too.”