Sequel: March 27, 2016 ›
Status: Completed
Letters to Nikolai
July 7, 2015
This is so messed up.
I'm lonely and vulnerable and in love and willing, so even though I tried my best to keep you at a distance, I didn't. I latched onto you fairly quickly.
But I keep trying to have actual conversations with you and you just won't reply the way I want you to; the way you used to. You really aren't the same guy I fell in love with. What happened to you?
I know you're using me. Whenever we're talking about normal things, you can easily go 4 or 5 days without replying to me. Then you'll start talking to me again and casually start talking about sex. Then we start getting naughty and you reply to my messages in minutes.. or sometimes even after just a few seconds.
The first time we dated, you told me that you used to do this to girls. You'd find a shy, lonely girl and you'd convince her to open up to you sexually so that she can stop being shy and start experiencing and enjoying new things. Then after they fell in love with you and after they shared intimate moments with you, you'd leave them. You did it to 7 girls. You told me all of this because you said that at first you had planned for me to become girl number 8. But then you unexpectedly fell in love with me. I think that back then you did love me, but you don't love me anymore. Now you're turning me into girl number 8 like you originally planned. You're hurting me.
I mentioned that we talk about sex too much and that I feel like that's all you want from me. You brushed it off and assured me that you care about me and that the sex stuff is good, but that it's not all you care about. You lied to me. I know you did. If it wasn't all you cared about, then you would talk to me all the time and not just when you're horny.
I'm lonely and vulnerable and in love and willing, so even though I tried my best to keep you at a distance, I didn't. I latched onto you fairly quickly.
But I keep trying to have actual conversations with you and you just won't reply the way I want you to; the way you used to. You really aren't the same guy I fell in love with. What happened to you?
I know you're using me. Whenever we're talking about normal things, you can easily go 4 or 5 days without replying to me. Then you'll start talking to me again and casually start talking about sex. Then we start getting naughty and you reply to my messages in minutes.. or sometimes even after just a few seconds.
The first time we dated, you told me that you used to do this to girls. You'd find a shy, lonely girl and you'd convince her to open up to you sexually so that she can stop being shy and start experiencing and enjoying new things. Then after they fell in love with you and after they shared intimate moments with you, you'd leave them. You did it to 7 girls. You told me all of this because you said that at first you had planned for me to become girl number 8. But then you unexpectedly fell in love with me. I think that back then you did love me, but you don't love me anymore. Now you're turning me into girl number 8 like you originally planned. You're hurting me.
I mentioned that we talk about sex too much and that I feel like that's all you want from me. You brushed it off and assured me that you care about me and that the sex stuff is good, but that it's not all you care about. You lied to me. I know you did. If it wasn't all you cared about, then you would talk to me all the time and not just when you're horny.