Life on Tour

“Libby's coming on our tour, on our tour, on our tour. Libby's coming on our tour, hide the booze.” I sang as she came out of the house. She giggled and just poked her tongue out at me. We were all putting our things on the bus, and getting ready to leave. She put her suitcases was pulling along with her hands in the luggage compartment, and then flicked her long, beautiful hair back.

I hate being in love with my best friends younger sister. Especially since she's practically 9 years younger than me. But when I look into her sparkling green eyes, or when she flicks her brown hair back like she just did, and you can see that streak of pink she got dyed, those problems tend not to matter. When she laughs or smiles, or even when she just looks in my general direction without a look on her face that suggests she's not happy, it brightens my entire day. That's why it hurts knowing she feels completely different towards me. I mean, a month and a half ago we were having dinner together, and as I was driving to the restaurant she told me she doesn't even like anyone. I can understand maybe not wanting to tell anyone about your crush, but the fact that she denies having a crush on anyone makes me know that she can't like me in the least. Even though I know if she said she did I’d know she likes someone else. Nothing will ever be good enough unless I hear her tell me those three magical words.

“Claiming middle bunk.” She said loudly so the whole bus would hear.

“Claiming other one.” I said quickly. There are six beds, and it's like two three-bedded bunk beds. They're next to each other, and I have to have the one next to Libby. I just have to.

“Dammit!” Zack and Alex shouted.

“Top for me.” Rian said.

“Top!” Zack and Alex both said at the same time. Libby just giggled as she walked onto the bus. I decided to follow suit. I put my rucksack on my bed, and Libby sat on hers, getting used to her new home for the next month.

“Who do you think will get the top bunk?” She asked me. I just shrugged.

“I don't know, but Zack's definitely got the most muscle if it were to come down to that sort of fight.” I said.

“Guys, shut up and have the argument on the damn bus.” We heard Rian scream. Libby and I just giggled.

“So, what do you guys do to pass the time here?” She asked.

“Make out with each other.” I joked while puckering my lips, and wishing that maybe, just maybe, she'd pucker hers too, and even amidst all the bickering and unpleasant ambience, it'd just be the most amazing kiss either of us had had. Maybe Alex would see us, and he'd either get angry or happy depending on how okay he was with it, but whether anyone would try to tear us up, we wouldn't dare let go of each other because nothing means more than us together. Of course, dreams aren't realities, and Libby instantly hit my face with a pillow.

“In your dreams, Jack.” She said. I smiled, but inside felt slightly empty. She'll never think of me that way, no matter how much I'd wish for her to feel the same. Because we had such an early start this morning, I decided that I’d close my eyes with my arms still stretched out, brushing past her hand every so often. “Are you going to sleep?” She asked. I nodded my head.

“You said ‘in your dreams.’ I guess I'll have to see you there.” I said. She didn't say anything after that. I assumed she just rolled her eyes as she usually does, and then just relaxed because she couldn't figure out what she wanted to do yet, so what she would do is put her earplugs in and listen to her music until something came to her, and what she would come up with would be something insane and fun. I went to sleep for a while after that. Once I woke up, I hopped out of my bunk, and rubbed my eyes, walking towards some sort of civilization.

“Jack, you've been out for ages.” Alex said as I walked into the lounge. It was true. I could already sense that it was the afternoon.

“I was tired.” I told him. I looked around the room. Everyone was there except Libby, and obviously the bus driver.

“Where's Libby?” I asked.

“I was just in the shower.” She said from behind me. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail. She smelled so good. I just wanted to bury my face in her hair just for that alone.

“I might actually have one now too. I'll see you guys in a bit.” I said. I grabbed the clothes I’d play in tonight and took them into the bathroom with me. I showered quickly, all while savouring the smell of Libby's soaps and shampoos. God. I'm an absolute pervert. I'm in love with my best friends’ younger sister. She's 8 years, 8 months and 26 days younger than me, and obviously I know that because I can't help but be obsessed with her. I hate being in love with her because it's slowly but surely killing me. I practically begged everyone in charge to let Libby come on tour with us, and I had to convince her that it was a great idea. So far, everything's fine. But what if it all goes tits up because I can't help but be in love with her. I hate it. I hate that I love her. It sucks. Once I got out I decided to join everyone in the back lounge again. Turns out it was just Alex and Libby in there.

“Well now where are the others?” I asked. Alex shrugged.

“I'm pretty sure Rian's talking to the driver, whose name I have completely forgotten, and Zack's lifting things.” Libby answered.

“His name is Eddie Cruz.” Alex told her. I nodded my head.

“Yeah, he's a cool guy.” I added to the conversation. I sat down next to her, and grabbed a handful of popcorn. “What are we watching?” I asked.

“Sherlock. Libby loves it.” Alex answered.

“Damn right I love it. There's no way this is humanly possible, and yet, it's Sherlock who makes the impossible possible.” She said. I giggled at her enthusiasm. I decided to give it a go. I couldn't really get into it. From my understanding, it wasn't the first episode, and I joined in the middle of it, so I didn't really understand the story. But it made Libby happy, and that's what counts.

“I don't get it. Why is everyone trying to shoot everyone? Why does he have to outsmart people all the time? You know what? You continue. I'm gonna go get ready for tonight.” Alex said, leaving just Libby and I on our own. I looked over to her, and she looked kind of angry. Like she just wanted to show Alex the wonderful world of Sherlock. I decided I might as well be the nice guy. I want her to be happy after all.

“How about at some point we marathon Sherlock? I mean, you must really be hooked on it, huh?” I offered. She looked at me and smiled.

“Really? Sure. That sounds great. Let's just start whenever. I promise you you're gonna love it. How about we watch something else for now though? I mean, we need to start at the beginning.” She said. I nodded my head. She handed me the remote, and went on her laptop. I smiled. I put on whatever didn't sound too tedious, and just had it on as background noise. “Huh. That's weird.” Libby said, looking at the TV. Nothing particularly shocking was on.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I just thought that if you were gonna put anything on, it'd be Home Alone.” She said. I giggled. She knows me very well.

“I know, but I like saving that for after the shows at the beginning of the tour when I can't get to sleep. Then I just watch it whenever.” I explained. She smiled.

“Well, whatever you're used to. Good luck tonight by the way. You're going to be awesome.” She said while smiling. She said it very genuinely, so I knew she was in a good mood. I smiled at her.

“Well, can I have a good luck kiss before I go on stage?” I asked, trying my luck for the billionth time this week. She then flipped me off jokingly.

“You're only gonna get a hair ruffle if you're lucky, but not if you keep pushing it.” She said. I giggled. She then continued scrolling down her laptop and doing things on it. I loved just watching her doing the most normal of things. When she's most vulnerable, it makes me want to protect her and prove my love to her even more. But I know that I can't do that. Ever. So instead, I just have to settle for watching her face as it lights up with joy when she glances at something even remotely amusing. I heard a cough at the doorway, and Libby and I immediately snapped our attention towards it.

“Jack, can I talk to you for a sec? It's about your hairspray requirements.” Rian said. That was an odd sentence. Even for him. Libby seemed unfazed by it, and continued to do what she was doing.

“Um, okay.” I said, walking with him. We went to the front of the bus, going past Zack lifting his weights in his bed, and sat on the couch behind Eddie. Alex was still in the bathroom, so I knew he wanted to talk to me about something private. I looked at him, trying to get him to spill whatever it was he was holding in.

“She's only just turned 17, dude.” Rian said. I creased my eyebrows at him.

“What are you talking about?” I asked very slowly. Although I knew what he was talking about, I was willing to let the conversation to go any other way. Or at least make him think something differently. But of course, my luck just doesn't go that way.

“Jack, come on. You could not be more obvious. I mean, I never noticed it before, but now it's just so obvious. The way you look at her, the way you always seem to get slightly upset whenever you two have to be separated for a bit. You like Libby!” Rian said quietly, so nobody could hear. I opened my mouth to deny it. To say anything against his accusations, but I just couldn't. I felt my entire face burning up, and tears welling up in my face, although I wouldn't dare let them fall.

“Rian-” I began.

“Dude, it's okay. Calm down. I'm just saying that she's Alex's sister, and you're so much older than she is. Don't worry about it. Just tone it down for now. Unless there's a possibility that you two could work, I think it's only fair for everyone, including you, that you try to get over those feelings. Because they suck when you can't do anything about them.” He said. I nodded my head.

“Was it really that obvious?” I asked.

“You could've done anything else on this bus, and you decided to stare lovingly at her? Yeah. It's not exactly the most nonchalant thing I’ve ever seen. I mean, I want to help you, but you've got to do the right thing, you know?” He suggested. I nodded my head.

“What do I do, man? It's like every single time she's there I just want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. I want to give her everything, even if it leaves me with nothing. I want to do something about it. But I don't want to get over it either. I don't want those feelings to go away, because even though I can't act on them, they're still the most amazing feelings I’ve ever had. Better than when I saw Home Alone for the first time, or better than when we started to get more fans, and when we played our first sold out show. She makes me feel absolutely incredible without even trying. Just, whatever you do, don't tell anyone.” I said. He looked slightly taken aback. But he nodded his head. Alex came out of the bathroom, and noticed we were having a really deep conversation.

“What are you guys talking about?” He asked. Well, I couldn't exactly tell him I was confessing my love for his sister to our best friend.

“Nothing. Just what date the party should be.” Rian answered. I didn't want to speak right now, so I just smiled, and nodded my head.

“Well, whenever it is, make sure Libby doesn't get any alcohol. I'm being serious. Not even the smallest beer okay? She could literally die from it. She's on meds right now that have side effects when she drinks alcohol.” Alex said.

“What's wrong? Is she okay?” Rian asked. He nodded his head.

“Yeah. She's just got something up with her ovaries. Don't say I mentioned anything though. I just want to keep her safe.” Alex answered. We nodded our heads. He then checked his phone and smiled. “Awesome! Hannah's going to be coming to our show in a couple of days. How great is that?” He asked. I sighed.

“Will she be staying over? It's just that I want to keep her and Libby away from each other for obvious reasons.” I said, keeping Libby in my best interests as always. Alex rolled his eyes.

“I don't know, but whether she does or doesn't, those two have to learn to get along. I love them both. Okay, I'm gonna go watch TV.” He answered, drying his hair with a towel as he moved to the back of the bus, presumably going to tell Libby the news. It was like a car crash waiting to happen. Soon enough, though, we got to the venue. Although Libby was angry about the news, since she expected it, it wasn't that big of a deal.

“Okay guys, so you have to be ready in an hour, and then you're on 5 minutes after. There's a tonne of people waiting outside already, so if you want to, you can go and entertain them. Until then, good luck guys.” Our tour manager, Matt Flyzik, told us, and then he left the room. Probably to do what he does best and make our shows amazing.

“How you holding up?” Rian asked me quietly. I shrugged.

“I've been hiding it for 3 years, Rian. It's going as great as it usually does.” I said, grabbing a cup of water off our table.

“Fine, but at some point I wanna have an actual talk about all of this. I mean, god knows. I had to hold in my feelings for Cass for almost 2 months and I was going insane.” He said. I nodded my head, dreading having that talk with him. But I knew it was going to happen at some point. Rian can be very persistent.

“Guys, when do we get to stay at a hotel?” Libby asked. I smiled, but held my head down.

“I think it's in 3 days. Then we get a free day in a week in New York.” Zack answered.

“Awesome. Okay, I'm gonna go and explore.” Libby said. I nodded my head.

“Wait a sec, not by yourself. You hardly know the place, let alone any of us. And I need to get ready anyway.” Alex told her. She groaned.

“Come on, Alex. What's the worst that could happen?” Libby asked.

“Listen, either someone goes with you or you're going straight back home. I'm being serious. I know it sounds really annoying and bossy parent like, but I’m in charge with you here, and I’m not letting you go explore this place alone.” Alex said, causing a scene. Everyone was pretending to not care, but Libby looked as though she was going to burst into tears at any given moment. I hated that.

“I don't mind going with her.” I offered. I couldn't have her cry. I'd never be able to forgive myself. I know how horrible it must be for her.

“Wait, seriously? You take the longest to get ready. You basically take up the entire time.” Zack asked. I sighed, but remained positive.

“Yeah. I’ve already showered today. I just need to straighten my hair and stuff. I'll be fine.” I said. Alex groaned, much like Libby did, but nodded his head.

“Fine, just don't be too long. We still have a show to do.” He said. I nodded my head.

“Come on, girl.” I said to Libby. Once we were out of the room, she gave me a weird look. “You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I just don't know why you did that. That's all. Thank you though. God. I hate Alex sometimes. I swear it's because of Hannah. She manages to change people in the worst ways.” She told me as we took a leisurely stroll through the arena.

“I know you do. If the worst comes to worst, and they end up being together for longer than anticipated, you know my apartment always has a spare room.” I told her. She creased her eyebrows.

“Is that a serious offer?” She asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Why not? She gets on everyone's nerves. I'm not saying that you'll always be able to avoid seeing them, but probably way more than you get to at your place. But I don't think it'll come to that anyway. Soon enough, he'll realise what a dick she is and dump her. Trust me.” I told her. She looked really content at that answer, and that was a million times better than her being sad just a few moments ago.

“I wish I could do what you do.” She told me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Be happy in the worst circumstances. It's amazing. Plus, you're able to handle people you don't like. That's amazing too.” She said. I smiled and gave her a squeezing hug from the side.

“Well, if you hang out with me enough, you just might be able to.” I said in a funny, high-pitched voice. She laughed hysterically. It made me laugh too. I wish I could see her laugh every single time. I’m not as together as she thinks I am.