Until We Meet Again

December 31st 1999

Jordan leaned against the kitchen island, wiping her hands with the dishcloth after having helped her mother washing the dishes.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for a party?” Her mother tilted her head at her after removing the apron.

On the day Jordan had come back from London, her conversation with Gerard had been cut short by her mother’s worried phone call, asking why she was taking so long to come home. She hadn’t wanted to leave at the time; she had wanted to face him and spit nasty words at him, but now that her rage had dissipated, she was glad she didn’t. It would have only humiliated her.

Jordan looked at the kitchen wall clock. “I still don’t know if I’m going.”

She hadn’t spoken to Gerard since then, but Mikey had been at her house a few days ago, inviting her to join them at the same New Year’s party they had gone last year. She laughed when she asked if he already knew who the house belonged to and he once again he had simply shrugged.

She wouldn’t have hesitated in going, if it wasn’t for the way things were between her and Gerard. She was not in the mood to pretend that everything was okay, or to ignore him while he enjoyed the party with his beautiful, new girlfriend of his. If she decided to go, she wasn’t sure how much she would endure before snapping at him, or at Mikey, or at someone else who hadn’t had any fault in this, and she didn’t want that.



She arrived at the familiar house almost an hour after the time Mikey had told her. A long line of cars was already parked in front of it, like it had happened last year, and the garden was still perfectly landscaped, but this time covered by snow.

She fixed her new dress - one that she had bought in London a few weeks ago - for the third time before reaching the front door, regretting having bought it in the first place. It was not a comfortable one.

She stopped in front of the white door and thought about knocking, but decided to just walk in. Unfamiliar faces glanced at her, as the warmth that was felt inside the house spread through her cold body.

Jordan glanced around, her eyes searching for Mikey and when they didn’t see him, she found herself searching for any other person she might know, Gerard included.

“You’re late.” She felt someone touch her shoulder and smiled before turning around.

“I didn’t know this was some sort of appointment.” She watched Mikey smile and hand her a drink. She gladly took it, drinking almost half of the glass’s content in one gulp.

“What?” She shot up an inquisitive eyebrow when Mikey frowned at her. “I’m just thirsty.”

“I just don’t want you to be like my brother.”

Jordan’s expression became a serious one. “What?”

“Never mind.” He raised a hand and turned around, starting to walk away.

“No, tell me.” She grabbed his arm, making him face her again. “Is there something wrong with Gerard?” She suddenly realized that all his worry toward her when she had arrived a few days ago might not have been just about his new girlfriend.

There was a moment of silence between them, his eyes showing an emotion she couldn’t quite figure out. It almost looked like he was begging her to read his mind, to understand what he wanted to tell her without having to say it, but a second later it was gone.

“I didn’t mean anything by that, just forget it.”

However, Jordan refused to do it. She gave him a stern look, her lips about to form some kind of strongly worded disapproval, when both heard someone yell his name.

There was an instant glimpse of relief on Mikey’s face before he smiled at the person behind Jordan, making her turn around.

The tall guy with short, but very curly hair caught her attention with his big smile.

“Jordan, this is Ray,” Mikey introduced him. She remembered Gerard talking about him, he was the guitarist that had been playing and working on a few songs’ ideas with them.

“So you’re Jordan? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

She gave him a short nod, smiling at the idea of Gerard and Mikey talking about her to their other friends. “Only good things, I hope.”

“Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me.” The teasing wink made her laugh.

They talked for a while, but only after a few moments, Jordan was no longer paying attention to their conversation. As she examined the room, which was significantly less crowded than last year, she was unable to prevent her eyes from landing on Katherine. She talked to two girls, but Gerard was nowhere to be found.

One of them must have asked her something, because when she glanced back at Mikey and Ray they were both looking at her with questioning expressions.

“Sorry, what?”

“I was asking if Gerard showed you the demo we’ve been working on.” Ray gave her a charming smile.

Jordan shook her head, her eyes wandering around the room again. “By the way, I should go find him,” she spoke before Ray could and excused herself away from them.

Her previous talk with Mikey had been enough to make her put her pride away and want to talk to Gerard. She needed to find out what had been happening while she was gone, she always thought he would talk to her about anything, but clearly that was not the case, since something was definitely wrong and she didn’t know. Maybe they weren’t as good of friends as she thought.

She walked across the room and toward the kitchen, being pulled by her arm just as she was about to enter it. For a second she thought it was Gerard, but her face frowned slightly when she faced Mikey.

“I need to find your brother,” she repeated herself, pulling her arm free.

“Listen, I get that you’re upset because of her girlfriend, I know -”

“What?” She interrupted him, her head shaking lightly. “This is not what this is about. I couldn’t care less about her.” It wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t necessarily a lie either. She’d been mad at him for that, and most of all for being a selfish bastard since the moment she’d told him about Logan, but now worry surpassed all the other feelings.

Jordan narrowed her eyes at him, not enjoying the concerned look he was giving her. “Look, me and Gerard, we’re just friends. That’s the only thing we’ll ever be.” The last thing she wanted anyone to feel for her was pity. “I just need to talk to him, there are things that need to be sorted out and obviously he’s not man enough to do it.” She pushed the door open and disappeared into the kitchen.

Just as the door closed behind her, Jordan caught a glimpse of Gerard’s messy black hair exiting through the kitchen sliding door. She followed him outside, taking hesitant steps as she crossed the door and slid it closed behind him.

Her brows furrowed at the sight of him, an unlit cigarette placed between his thin lips as he tried to flick the lighter to life in the midst of the winter wind. Since when had he started to smoke? He only seemed to acknowledge her presence after taking a long drag of his cigarette, the smoke mingling with the hot breath that left Jordan’s lips and into the cold air.

“Hi.” Gerard was the first one to speak. He kept staring ahead of them, not bothering to make eye contact with her. His whole demeanor had changed, Jordan suddenly realized, and the wall was back between them.

“Hey.” She glanced down at her booted feet. “I’ve met Ray. He seemed really cool.” Her eyes moved up to the same spot Gerard stared, like something special was about to happen at the very end of that backyard. “And so did Katherine.”

“So that’s what this is all about.” He blew out a lungful of smoke, his eyes finally moving to meet her. It hadn’t taken long for her to get to the point, he thought.

Her whole body turned to face him. “I’m not here to talk about her. This is about you.” She folded her arms, clutching them tightly to her chest. “I’m worried about you, and I thought you knew you could talk to me about anything.”

“Oh, right.” He let out a contemptuous laughter. “So I’ve got a girlfriend and suddenly there’s something wrong with me?”

“What?” Jordan was open-mouthed, but that didn’t stop him for continuing.

“Tell me then, what the hell was wrong with you when you started dating Logan?” His jaw was tight as the words were spat out of his mouth.

“So, this is how you want? Fine, then you can tell me why you have been acting like a jerk since summer, since the day I’ve told you about him!” The forced civility between them had disappeared in a flash. “I was not the one to suddenly act like five-year old.”

His hazel eyes flashed annoyance. “I don’t care about who you date or not. I’m not one of your girl friends who relishes on knowing about your love life. You could fuck half of your college, I wouldn’t care less.”

Jordan couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. She took a deep breath, holding the air in her mouth like if she was going to dive underwater and closing the distance between them, before she could raise her hand back and slap him hard on his face.

The sound of skin contacting skin echoed off the backyard, the pain that now throbbed from her palm to her fingers probably not as bad as the one the red mark on his cheek had caused. Yet he didn’t move, or said a word, his mind probably still processing what she had just done to him.

“Wait.” He held out his hand, when she turned to leave, determined to go home. It almost looked like he wanted to apologize. But she didn’t face him and so he didn’t speak another word, his hand dropping to his side as she disappeared into the house.