Status: Complete! The fourth and final part is up!

Miss the Misery

Part Three: Trophy Eyes

"Trophy eyes
You've now been mine
For longer than I'd like
You shine so bright
Behind those lies
And I need you more this time..."

- Trophy Eyes, You Me At Six.

It had been five weeks since Jack had told Alex his secret, and he hadn't seen the elder since. It was breaking his heart, but he didn't think it was visible. Or, at least, he hoped it wasn't, because he didn't want people's fucking sympathy. Like that was going to get Alex back. It wasn't and Jack knew that.

But that probably wasn't a problem if Jack hadn't left his apartment much except to get groceries and beer. He wasn't going to lie; he had spent most of his waking hours drunk. It seemed to dull the heartbreak, even if it was only for a while until he woke up with a hangover the next day. For that, he was grateful.

He stood up from the couch slowly, and made his way to the kitchen. He was feeling vaguely hungry for once. He guessed that was one of the downsides to drinking a stupid amount of alcohol - the emptiness it leaves behind. But Jack couldn't be entirely sure as to whether the emptiness was truly down to the alcohol; his heartbreak had to have a part in it as well.

Jack looked in the fridge. There was a bunch of things, but he couldn't get his head together long enough to figure out how to make them into a proper meal so he just grabbed an apple. As he bit into the green apple, he went back to the living room and flopped back on the couch.

He knew he needed to get himself out of this funk, but he just couldn't will up the energy to do so. It was much easier to lounge around in his sweatpants and drink beer, while defiantly not thinking about Alex. Doing that made Jack's heart hurt.

*****


In all honesty, after thinking long and hard about how he'd reacted to Jack's secret, Alex thought that he could've handled it better. In other words, he could've said something less offensive to the man - his fucking best friend - that had (obviously, now that he'd thought about it) bared his soul out to him. He'd seen it in Jack's eyes that there'd been something else that he'd wanted to say, but he hadn't. He must have decided not to say it when he'd seen Alex's shitty reaction. And Alex couldn't blame him; he'd been a dick to Jack.

In short, Alex felt like an asshole. And he knew he needed to do something about it.

But the question was what? He knew he needed to do something that demonstrated that he was ok with Jack's...tendencies.

Alex sat up in his chair. He'd had a brain wave. That was it! He could buy Jack/Josephine a new dress.

On his way to the mall, Alex realised that he had no idea about Josephine's size. He hoped that he could guess. If it didn't fit, he reasoned, Jack could bring it back.

Fuck, he hoped that he was doing the right thing.

*****


Jack was laid on his couch, watching the shit that passed for TV shows, when he heard a knock at the door. He got up and went to it, putting his can of beer on the table underneath the mirror on the wall. He opened the door.

"Jack."

It was Alex and Jack suddenly felt as though his heart had stopped beating for a moment before restarting. Alex looked as good as usual, brown hair peeking out from under his black beanie and his equally brown eyes looking at Jack in earnest.

"Hey Alex," He said because what else do you say to the person that rejected your best kept secret ever? "What are you doing here?"

Alex looked at the floor and held a shopping bag out for him, saying nervously, "Just - just don't open it 'til I'm gone okay? Promise me?"

Jack was confused as he took the bag and replied, "I promise Alex."

Jack's best friend then turned around and walked down the hallway, going around the corner towards the lift.

Jack's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked down at the bag. He shut the door and leant against it, opening the bag with trembling fingers. He was irrationally nervous, after all, what could Alex do to crush him even more?

His mouth dropped open in surprise as his hand brushed against some really soft fabric. Grasping the object (he thought that it felt like a t-shirt, but he couldn't be sure), Jack pulled it out.

"Fuck Alex..." He murmured in amazement, stroking a finger along the deep blue fabric. It was a truly beautiful dress, with sparkle across the middle.

Jack could feel the urge to put it on and gave into it, walking into the bedroom.

*****


Josephine twirled in a circle, adoring the way her new dress flared out and showed off the silver, sparkly heels off.

She had to thank Alex for the dress; it was lovely. Possibly the nicest dress she'd ever had the pleasure of wearing.

She spun again and, watching as the light played across the sparkles, re-said that last sentence again. Defiantly the nicest dress she'd ever worn.

With a sigh at having to cover the beautiful dress up, Josephine put her coat on and picked her small, dark blue clutch up.

Going outside into the bitterly cold air, she left her apartment, heels clicking on the tiled floor of the hallway, hoping to find Alex at 'their' bar.

*****


Alex was at the bar, sipping on his beer and half-wishing that Josephine would turn up while also hoping that she didn't and was Jack who would come instead. He felt like he needed to have a serious conversation with his best friend, but he guessed Josephine was Jack and Jack was Josephine, so it didn't really matter who came to the bar. Though, of course, there was always the option of his best friend has decided to stay at home, but Alex hoped that he hadn't chosen to do that.

"Hey Alex," A voice said into his ear, breath whispering over Alex's ear, "Fancy meeting you here, eh?"

Alex turned around and there was Josephine. It was undoubtably her, with the shoulder-length black hair and dark blue dress that he recognised because he was the one who brought it for her.

He replied with a smile, "Hey Josephine."

Alex had been secretly hoping for Jack, but he figured if he'd given him a (fucking beautiful) dress, then it made sense that he would wear it.

"Buy me my usual?" Josephine said, sitting down on the bar stool next to Alex.

"Sure, I want another one anyway." Alex said to Jack - Josephine - and then waved the bartender over. He came over and Alex ordered her drink for her, smiling at her when she got it.

"Thanks." She said, smiling back at him.

Alex took a sip of his beer, hiding how pleased he felt at the attention she was giving him as they chatted long into the night.

*****


Jack yawned, stretching his arms out and hitting something warm and living. He froze. Who the fuck was that?

He risked a glance sideways and stared, heart rate increasing dramatically.

Alex.

Alex, his best fucking friend Alex, was lying next to him. In his goddamn bed. Shit.

Fuck, what the hell happened last night? He wondered silently, easing himself out from under the duvet and leaving his room. He shut the door as quietly as he possible could and went down to the kitchen, intent on making himself much-needed mug of coffee before Alex woke up.

He leant against the kitchen door, breathing steadily, and started across the room, grabbing a mug that said "FUCK" on the side from the cupboard next to the oven. Jack boiled the kettle and put some coffee in his mug with a spoon, leaving the spoon in there for stirring in a minute or two. He was going to retrieve the milk from the fridge when the kitchen door crept open, revealing Alex, his brown hair in a mess from sleep.

Alex stifled a yawn with his fist and then said, "Morning Jack."

"M-morning," Jack replied, picking the milk out of the fridge and going back to his mug on the counter, "D'you want some coffee?"

Alex shrugged and said, "Sure whatever."

Jack smiled and got another mug from the cupboard, this one saying "COFFEE NOW!".

"Jack, where do you get these mugs?" Alex asked a few minutes later, when the kettle had boiled and they've both got a mug of hot, black coffee in their hands.

"I dunno?" Jack said, leaning back against his hands on the counter, "I just buy them from random shops."

"Yeah?"

Jack nodded, loving this easy conversation. It was almost like he could forget the burning love he had for the elder, but of course he couldn't. Not completely anyway.

He said, smiling at his own thoughts, "What you up to today Alex?"

Alex took a sip of his coffee, replying, "Well, I was gonna come over here but obviously I'm already here, so d'you wanna watch a movie?"

"Yeah sure," Jack said, beginning to walk to the kitchen door and then pausing, turning back, "Unless you want so something to eat?"

Alex made a face, "Fuck no, there's nothing I want less than food right now. Maybe later."

Jack laughed, "Ok then."

Jack followed Alex to the living room, absently watching Alex's ass as he walked. He blinked himself out of the trance he'd got into as Alex sat down and patted the space next to him. Jack say down carefully, making sure that he wasn't touching Alex at all. He heard Alex laugh softly and then Alex was pulling Jack's legs across his own lap, warm hands fixing around his ankles to do so.

Jack gulped, his heart beating loudly in his ears. He'd guessed that now that Alex knew his secret (the one about Josephine, not the one about Jack loving Alex with all his heart and soul) that these lazy days would stop, as Alex would be too creeped out by him dressing as a woman every so often. He'd resigned himself to it, telling himself that it was for the best and that it didn't mean anything. But it appeared that the lazy days, where they sat around at either one of their houses, watching films and drinking beer, wouldn't stop, instead they would continue, much as they had done since before Alex knew Jack's secret.

"Batman or The Avengers?" Alex asked, shaking Jack out of his deep thoughts.

"Uh... The Avengers." Jack decided, looking at the TV and watching as Alex used the remote to put the film on.

As the beginning started onscreen and Alex relaxed, Jack decided to risk snuggling into the man next to him a little bit. Alex's response was to make a contented noise at the back of his throat and put an arm around him, pulling Jack snugly into his side.

*****


"Jack?" Alex called into the hallway. He was sure that he'd heard the door click open and then shut, and Jack was the only one who had a key to his place.

"Hey," Jack said, appearing from around a corner, smiling as he came into Alex's line of vision, "I wanna tell you something. But..."

Alex cocked his head to one side. What could Jack have to tell him now? He'd already been told about Josephine, and while that'd had a rocky start seven weeks ago, Alex now accepted it as a part of his best friend.

"Yeah Jack?" He said gently to the visibly nervous Jack, trying to comfort him with words because Jack wasn't looking at him.

Jack gulped and then said almost in a whisper, "I don't know if you'll accept it."

Alex stood up from his chair and went over to Jack, putting two fingers under the younger's chin and pulling up so Jack was looking at him rather than the laminated flooring. He smiled, saying in a low voice, "Whatever it is, I'll be fine with it."

"P-promise?"

"I promise." Alex said solemnly, silently thinking that it had been a while since he'd seen Jack this nervous and, if he wasn't mistaken, terrified.

"Ok," Jack said before taking a deep breath, "I like you Alex."

Alex smiled, "I like you as well, you're my best friend."

Alex's best friend groaned like he wanted to hit his head against the nearest wall, "No, not like that. As in I fucking love you Alex, and there's fuck all I can do about it!"

Well, Alex hadn't been expecting that. Of all the things that had sprung to his mind when Jack said he had to tell him something, he hadn't thought of that. But he should save the shock for later because it looked like Jack was about to pass out or something.

"Jack..."

"Yes?"

And fuck, there was so much hope in the younger man's deep brown eyes, Alex couldn't find it in him to say that he didn't love him back. Instead he said the worst possible thing.

"I love you too."

Alex had said it. He'd said that he loved Jack when he really, really didn't. As a best friend, undoubtably yes, but as a lover? No. He felt sick. He couldn't believe he'd just done that.

Why had he done it? Alex asked himself as Jack pulled him into a hug. Jack's arms felt warm against the shockingly cold of Alex's insides, it was like he'd been plunged into a cold pond in the middle of winter.

He knew he needed to come clean to Jack and quickly, but the look of pure happiness on Jack's face when he pulled away from the hug stopped him.

*****


It had been twelve weeks since Jack had told Alex that he was Josephine and roughly five weeks since he'd told the elder that he loved him. And Jack couldn't be happier; Alex loved him!

"Alex? Where are you?" He called into the living room.

"In here!"

Jack followed the sound of Alex's voice into the kitchen, where he found Alex face down on the wooden table, his shoulders shaking.

"Alex, what's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

Alex looked up and said bluntly, "Me. I'm what's wrong."

"Oh Alex, you're not, I promise you." Jack said, moving forward to comfort him.

Alex pushed his arms away as he said, "Yes, I am. I said that I loved you when I don't."

"You - you don't love me?" Jack repeated in shock.

Alex shook his head, "No. And I am truly sorry for making you think that I did, even if it was only for five weeks. I know I shouldn't have said it, but you looked so damn happy and hopeful that I couldn't say the truth then."

Tears began to roll down Jack's face. He sniffed, mumbling, "You should've just told me! It would have hurt less you jackass!"

Jack saw through blurry vision obscured by his tears that Alex was standing to leave. He yelled, "Just go Alex!"

Alex cleared out of the room quickly, feeling unsure that they would ever be able to be friends again. He thought it was unlikely that Jack would ever forgive him. And to be honest, Alex though he deserved that, when all he'd done for five weeks was play into the illusion that he loved Jack as more than a best friend.

When Alex had gone, Jack collapsed onto the floor of his kitchen and cried. He didn't think he'd ever recover from the heartbreak that he was feeling right then. He thought they were doing great, that Alex loved him like he loved Alex, but that wasn't the case.

Why couldn't he just be happy for once?
♠ ♠ ♠
The final part is up, but now I'm honking that I should do a fourth part, like set a couple of years into the further, about how Jack and Alex got on after their big fight... What do you think?

(Also updating from my new iPhone 5! Whoop whoop!)

Comments as always are welcome!