Miss the Misery

"So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget..."
- One Year, Six Months, Yellowcard.

The first six months after Alex had broken his heart completely were the hardest for Jack. After all, he'd thought that they were getting along well, with little kisses here and there and sweet make out sessions when neither of them had anywhere to be or anyone to see. It had been, in a word, perfect. But then Alex told him that he didn't love him like Jack loved him. And that, that was hard. For six months, everything Jack did reminded him of the elder man. Just going to the shops was almost impossible, as it reminded Jack of the time they'd made out in the aisles, coming out breathless and red-faced. But somehow he managed, even if that way of 'managing' involved drinking copious amounts of alcohol, as he'd done the time when Alex had found out about Josephine. Well, it hasn't been him finding out, it'd been more of Jack deciding that he'd had enough of lying to his best friend and telling him.

But that was besides the point. The point was that Jack was drinking lots of alcohol again. He liked Jack Daniels the most, just because of the irony. It made him chuckle, something he didn't do a lot of since Alex had gone. The other thing he liked about it was the way it slowed his thoughts, so he didn't have to think about Alex all the fucking time.



Six months on from him telling Jack that he simply didn't love him like he wanted him to, Alex was feeling like shit. Again. Except this was worse than last time and he seriously doubted that him and Jack would ever be able to be friends again, yet alone best friends. He couldn't say he blamed Jack either, because it was entirely Alex's fault and definitely not Jack's. Jack was innocent in this case; it was all on Alex.

And Alex didn't think that buying a beautiful dress would fix this.



Jack knew that it had been exactly a year since Alex had broken up with him, and he hated that he knew that. He didn't want to know when they'd broken up and that was why he 'celebrated' the day by going out and getting mind-numblingly drunk, so drunk that the bartender cut him off after 1AM. Considering that Jack had been there since roughly 12PM, he'd done a solid thirteen hours of drinking.

He stumbled out of the bar, banging into several tables and having to drunkly apologise to the people sitting at them on his way out, into the cold, crisp air. This had the effect of sobering him up a little, but not by much. The only person on his mind was Alex, even though the drinking was meant to have got rid of the elder man from Jack's mind, at least for a little while.

He was pissed that it hasn't worked, and yelled out loud, swearing colourfully to himself.

"Jack?"

He'd know that voice anywhere; it was Alex's. The man who broke his heart a year ago. But that didn't stop Jack from turning around and staring at the man whom he, despite everything, still loved.

Jack's heart was beating loudly in his chest - he was certain that the man standing in from of him could hear it - as he said, "Alex."

Jack thought that Alex looked kind of...haggard, like he hadn't got much sleep. In a couple of days. The elder man had black bags under his eyes and his actual eyes looked bloodshot.

"How - how are you?" He managed before throwing up on the sidewalk. When he'd finished, he became aware of a palm stroking in soothing circles on his back. Jack shoved Alex away.

"N-no, you're not allowed to do that." Jack said, only slurring on the first word.

"Why not?"

"Because you don't love me!" Jack exclaimed, waving his hands around to emphasis his point.

"Oh," Alex said in a voice that, even to Jack's drunken state, sounded like he'd given up. "Well, I'm sorry for that."

Jack tilted his head to one side, squinting at Alex, "Sorry?"

"Look, this probably isn't the best time to talk about it, cause you're drunk."

"And?" Jack said, still looking at the man he loved.

Alex sighed, Jack's eyes observing the steady rise and fall of his chest, and said, "I doubt you'll remember if I tell you now, so we'll meet tomorrow."

"Ok..."

With that said, Jack watched as Alex walked away, his hips swaying oh so enticingly. Jack licked his lips. Holy fuck, Alex was still hot.

Even if he did look like he needed a few more hours of sleep.

As he stumbled slowly back to his apartment, Jack wondered why Alex looked like he needed more sleep and what he wanted to talk about tomorrow.



Alex was waiting for Jack at the coffee shop where he'd been told about Josephine. He was nervous - which was stupid really, because he already knew that Jack loved him, so what could go wrong?

Everything, his mind said, just as Jack walked into the coffee shop, looking gorgeous in his black beanie and the skinny jeans that showed off his ass to perfection.

Yeah, Alex had a thing for his best friend. And it had only took rejecting the man to make him realise it. He'd regretted his actions the very next day, but he couldn't do anything about it then. But now, a year later, Alex felt like he could do something. He didn't know what, but something was better than nothing he guessed.

Alex had lost a fair few nights worth of sleep, thinking about how this...feeling (love) had come about. That was why he had prominent black bags around his eyes.

"Alex," Jack said, causing Alex to look upwards as the younger sat down, "What did you want to talk about?"

Alex gulped. Why had he thought this was a good idea? It wasn't, and he just wanted to get out of here.

He stood up so quickly that his chair tipped over with a bang, and walked, almost running, towards the door. When Alex got outside, he began to run, all too (stupidly) eager to get away from Jack. But before he could get far, a hand on him to a stop.

"Alex? What the hell?!" Jack said, shocked that Jack had ran away, "You invite me to talk and then you run away? That doesn't make sense!"

Alex sighed, looking at the ground for a few minutes before answering, "Y-yeah, I know."

"What's this all about Alex?" Jack asked, considerably calmer now.

He looked at Jack and then back at the ground, not wanting to say what was on his mind at that moment in time, but wanting to get it off his chest at the same time. He said, his voice low, "Jack, I - I don't wanna say."

"C'mon Alex," Jack wheedled gently, placing a hand on Alex's shoulder, causing Alex's head to shoot up and him to look Jack in the eye. "Tell me."

"I - I - you'll hate me..."

"I can promise you that I won't, no matter what it is."

Alex pulled at his hair with a hand in frustration, "But you see, that's the point! You will! Especially after all that I've put you through!"

"All that you've put me through?"

"Yes! Telling you that I didn't love you, when I really, really do." Alex said all in one breath. He could only hope now.

"You - you love me?" Jack stuttered.

Alex nodded, "Apparently I didn't know it until I didn't have you as a best friend. But it happened, and you can hate me forever now."

"Why - why would I hate you?"

"Because I was an ass who broke your heart? Does that sound familiar?" Alex quipped, feeling a wetness forming in his eyes. No, he would not cry. Not now, not in front of Jack.

"Yeah it does, but I still love you Alex," Jack said, "And you think that you loving me is going to make me hate you? Well, you've got the wrong end of the stick."

While he'd talked, Jack's free hand had moved to Alex's waist, and with one movement, Jack pulled Alex close. So close that they were standing chest to chest on the sidewalk, and Jack couldn't give a fuck about anyone else because Alex was pressed up against him. He could feel Alex's chest rise and fall as he breathed.

"J-Jack?" Alex said, sounding strangled.

"I love you Alex, and it makes me feel over the moon that you feel the same way," Jack explained, pressing his fingers one by one into Alex's hip, "And I definitely think we should kiss now."

"You do?"

And that was all Alex was able to get out before Jack's mouth way covering his own and wow, he'd forgotten just how good Jack was a kissing and maybe this was all he was wanting. Alex knew it was the best thing to happen to him in a long while.



One year and six months on from when Alex had told Jack that he didn't love him, and Jack was cuddling Alex as they watched a movie together.

Jack nuzzled his nose into Alex's hair, saying quietly, "I love you."

Alex tilted his head back so he could see Jack as he replied, "Love you too."

Jack smiled and pulled Alex into his arms a little bit more. As they continued to watch the movie, Jack thought that he was incredibly lucky to have found man that accepted both him and Josephine. It was almost unbelievable.