From Him, With Love

There were times in my life that I didn’t even know how I felt, but isn’t that human nature?

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"Alex!" Ella shouted from downstairs.

"I'll be down in five minutes, El!" I shouted back after gulping so that I wouldn't sound like I'd been crying.

I splashed my face with water and bandaged the fresh cuts on my hips by wrapping gauze all the way around them four times. By the time I was done, all of my gauze was gone, so I made a mental note to stop at the store on my way home.

I exited the bathroom and walked down the hall, pulling a tee shirt over my bare chest. When I got downstairs, I pulled Ella into a hug and kissed her cheek.

"How's it going, loser?" she asked.

"Great," I said. "How are you, sugar tits?"

"Good. Have you met that new kid that just moved next door? I talked to him on my way here."

"Oh, Jeremy, yeah, I have. He just moved here yesterday."

"So, what's the verdict?"

"I guess he's pretty hot," I admitted.

"Come on Alex, I know you're getting over Henry, but it's time to move on. He was straight, and you never even dated," she whined.

"Look, Ella, you don't have to try to set me up with every hot guy ever, I'll be totally fine, I'm over Henry."

She didn't look convinced.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm absolutely fine," I repeated.

She nodded and walked outside, and I followed her, although I'd rather stay inside than go out and pretend to have fun.

"Are you excited?"

"This is your thing, El. You know I'm just coming because you're making me."

I knew I sounded harsh, but I was in a really bad mood. Ella didn't say anything else, just walked ahead of me.

"Thank you, it's theater four," the ticket lady said when we gave her our tickets for the movie that Ella had been waiting for for months.

We thanked her, bought a tub of popcorn, and went into theater four, where the previews had just begun. Ella sat next to a lanky boy with skunk hair, and I sat beside her.

Twenty minutes later, the movie finally started.

When the exit door was shot down halfway through the movie, we were all alarmed. The boy sitting next to Ella took no time to dive under our row of seats, pulling Ella down first and me second.

"Hold your breath," he breathed quietly.

We did as he said, hearing only one more gunshot. Finally, it was silent. It was like that for approximately thirty seconds before a police squad rushed in. It was another thirty seconds before they shouted that everyone could come out.

I reluctantly stood up, helping Ella up. The boy stood up on his own.

"Thank you," Ella said.

"Not a problem," the boy answered. "I'm Jack."

"I'm Ella," Ella introduced herself.

I admit that I was staring a bit, but people never seemed to realize that I was gay, so it didn't matter.

"I'm Alex ," I said.

"Nice to meet you."

"Are you from America?" I asked, forming the question based on his accent.

"I'm from Baltimore, Maryland. Are you two from here?"

"Yes," Ella answered.
The conversation bottomed out, and I found myself staring at the intricate upholstery that was inlaid in each and every seat in the large theater. I examined the blue carpet running down each set of stairs, as if it would give me an idea of what to say to this wildly attractive American stranger.

"It was nice to meet you," he finally said. "Do you want to properly hang out some time while I'm here?"

We agreed, exchanged phone numbers, and went our separate ways once we'd reached the bottom of the conversationally-gifted stairs.

"You're smitten," Ella accused on the dark walk home. "Absolutely, positively smitten."

I blushed, and shook my head.

I stared at the cloudy sky, choosing to not answer her question about Jack, whom we'd only just met.

"You don't have to be embarrassed, he saved our lives," she assured me.

"Okay, I guess I like him a bit," I lied.

I turned my head abashedly to the seemingly non-incidental pavement of the sidewalk. There were a few cracks from time and age, and it wasn't until we reached the end that anything changed. Even this was just a sign instructing skateboarders, cyclists, and roller-bladders to keep off of the sidewalk.

"I wonder why he only came in to shoot himself," Ella asked.

I understood. He wanted to be remembered for something bigger than himself. I wanted the same thing.

"I want to do something really fun tomorrow," I told Ella, deciding it would be the night I took the same action that the gunman in the theater had.

"Alex, you've been off lately. You haven't been fully with me. Are you planning to kill yourself?" Ella joked.

She knew me better than anyone, but she couldn't bring herself to think I would ever want to hurt myself in any way. No, I wasn't that kind of person in her mind. I'd put on a good show for the past four years, not letting on at all. I ate more than an average person around her, just to set her off, then purged when I was alone.

She never noticed that I was falling apart inside, but I was okay with that. I didn't want to burden her with that information. So, instead of looking at her like a deer in the headlights, I just forced a laugh.

"I have to go in and buy some gauze for my first aid kit," I told her when we passed the twenty-four hour pharmacy.

"Okay. Are you good walking the rest of the way home alone?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Do you?"

"Yeah. Okay," she laughed. "I'll text you tomorrow. We could take Prince Charming to the beach, if you want."

"Okay, see you," I agreed.

She stood on her toes to hug me, and I bent over a bit to kiss her cheek. I walked into the brightly-lit pharmacy, and she walked toward her house.

I navigated the maze-like aisles, and finally found the first-aid aisle. I scanned the shelves for a large roll of gauze, then went to check out. There, at the counter, was Jack.

He turned around to leave, but stopped when he saw me.

"Whoa, crazy seeing you here. What are you here for?"

"Gauze," I answered.

He was staring at me, oh God. I pulled my eyes away.

"I'm getting Pepto Bismol for my little sister," he finally said. "She's at our hotel with a stomach-ache."

"Oh. How old is she?"

"She's fourteen."

"Why didn't she come to the movie?"

"She was too sick to come. She didn't want me to miss it, so now I'm going to head back and be her personal nurse while I tell her all about it."

"That's really nice, I bet she appreciates you a lot."

I tried to remember the last time Tom even acknowledged me, but he seemed to believe that I was a hopeless case.

"Yeah, we've been really close since our dad died last year. Our mom left us four years ago, so I take care of her."

"Wow, well you should probably get back to her. I'll text you tomorrow."

"Alright, I'll see you later."