We Will Never Be the Same

“Ah, hello, Kellin, Vic,” Dr. Marina said and smiled. Neither of us smiled back. We were both tired, and worried out of our minds.
“Vic, if you could, please,” she said, motioning to the bench. He did as she asked, going to sit up on it for her.
She set the little tray down beside him and went to wash her hands. I watched her pull on a pair of gloves before going back to him and pushing his sleeve up.
She tied the tourniquet around his upper arm and then bent his arm a few times.
He stared down at her as she got the needle out and locked it into the syringe. I could see her looking for his vein as she repeatedly pressed on his elbow.
“Mhm, there it is,” she mumbled and moved the needle to the middle of his arm.
I watched him cringe as she pressed it into his skin, hitting the vein she had been looking for.
His blood oozed into the vial she had connected to it, for once not making me sick. Vic was looking down at it, apparently not bothered at all.
Dr. Marina moved the vial to close it, and then switched it with an empty one. She did the exact same thing as she had done to me, filling three of them with his blood.
I looked away, starting to feel nauseas. “All done, now,” she said to herself and carefully bandaged his arm.
Vic left his sleeve up, pushing the other up his arm to match. “Alright, and Kellin, how are you feeling?” she asked. “Okay,” I was lying, but physically, I felt alright.
“Okay then. If you don’t have any questions for me, you’re free to go. I’ll call you soon with the results,”
I nodded and helped Vic down, noticing he was a little dizzy. I led him back out to where my mom was waiting and smiled a little. “Hey,”
She smiled back and stood up to head out to our car. “It’ll be okay you two. Even if Vic is a carrier, there’s no definite answer that the baby will be blind,”
I appreciated her reassurance, but it really didn’t make me feel any better. I was still worried. Even if Vic wasn’t, there was still a 25% chance. I was still a carrier.
“Kellin, stop worrying,” mom said. “How? How am I supposed to stop? It’s my baby,” I said and slammed the car door shut.
I stormed into the house and to my new room before curling into bed. I didn’t know what I would do if the baby was blind.
I felt Vic lie down behind me, and then lightly kiss my shoulder. He didn’t say anything, which was perfect because I didn’t want to hear it.
He was just as scared as I was, although somehow he could put up with my mother’s incessant reassuring. I loved her, but she didn’t understand.
It wasn’t her baby at risk. ~

“You two look like hell,” Mike said. “Fuck off,” Neither of us were in the mood to be teased. Dr. Marina was supposed to call sometime soon, although she hadn’t said when.
“What’s with you?” he asked. I sighed and stared down at my stomach.
“The baby could be blind,” Vic said quietly. I tried not to cry; something I had been doing a lot lately. “What? Why? How do you even know that?”
Vic took my hand, noticing the way I was folding in myself. He had spent most of the weekend trying to tell me it wasn’t my fault.
“Kellin's a carrier for a disease that causes blindness, and if I am too, then the baby could have an increased risk of being blind,” he explained.
“So, wait. The baby’s not blind, just has a chance to be?” Vic nodded solemnly. “Well then relax,”
I rolled my eyes and fought the urge to snap at him. “But I’m still a carrier, meaning even if Vic doesn’t have it, the baby still could,”
The three of them just stared at me. “I’m sorry,” I shrugged, holding Vic’s hand tighter.
“So how are you supposed to know if you have it?” Tony asked, talking to Vic. “I got my blood tested yesterday, but the doctor hasn’t called us back yet.”
Mike frowned harder at that. “Well she fucking sucks,” he said. “Mike, they have test it first,” He just rolled his eyes. “I’m sure it doesn’t take 24 fucking hours to test a little bit of blood. They just don’t give a shit ‘cause it’s not their kid that could have it, and that’s fucking bullshit. I mean, you’d think they would realize that dropping a bomb like that’s gonna fuck you up until you know,”
I smiled, for the first time in the last few days. For some reason what he said actually made me felt better. Maybe because he was mad about it, instead of afraid.
I stood up and leant over to kiss his cheek. “Thanks,” I said softly. “Sure,” He smiled back at me and then looked at Vic.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine. Now, I want both of you over at our place tonight for practice,”
I smiled again. I had never been to one of their band practices, and I really wanted to hear Vic sing. “Okay, we’ll be there,” ~

I watched them set up their things, connecting cords to amps, and microphones to the stands. Vic pulled a guitar over his head and adjusted the strap to fit him.
I had to admit, he looked really good today. His pale-blue shirt had thin white stripes across it, and hugged his body nicely. He had the sleeves down for once, making it easier to see the muscles in his arms.
I could see his belt too, holding his jeans up over his perfect ass. They were tight black, and ripped across his knees.
He looked perfect, from his always tousled hair to his black and white vans.
I smiled, watching him adjust the mic to his height. “You’re staring,” he accused, with a smile on his lips. It was really nice to see him smile again.
“Yeah well you’re cute,” he laughed at that and walked over to kiss me. I rolled onto my knees on the couch to reach him and gently cupped his neck.
His lips met mine, earning an ew. “Mike, mommy and daddy are doing it again,”
I laughed, breaking our kiss for a moment, before kissing him again. His tongue flicked into my mouth lightly before Mike threw a pick at his head.
“Come one lovebirds. I wanted you to sing, not fuck Kellin,” I laughed again and sat back down on the couch.
Vic got back behind the microphone and pulled one of the picks off of it. He looked down at his guitar, tuning it a bit before he looked back at Mike.
He nodded and tapped his drumsticks together a few times before Tony started playing. They all joined in, the sounds blending together beautifully.
“Like a rush, shot through you. Everyone is watching you,” Vic started. I smiled, listening to him. His voice was gorgeous, and flowed perfectly with the music.
The song changed, Vic’s voice moving with it. He seemed to get lost in what he was doing, and after a while, I did too.
I melted into the song, absolutely loving the song they were playing. It got slower and quieter then, before stopping altogether.
I grinned at them happily. “That was fantastic,” I said, jumping up. Vic smiled back and let me throw my arms around him. “You’re voice is so pretty,”
He blushed, hiding his face in my neck as I continued to compliment them. “We have a demo if you want it,” Mike said, shamelessly promoting.
I nodded at him, finally letting go of Vic. “We sent it to a couple of record companies too.”
Mike handed me a cd in a little slip cover. I looked it over, smiling at Vic’s shit handwriting in sharpie.
He kissed my temple, a little smile on his face when he pulled away. “Go over there,” he said and moved me towards the couch. I laughed and went to sit down while they played again….

“Kell,” I mumbled something incoherent to whoever was talking. “Kellin…sweetheart, wake up,” I whined and looked at Vic, still half asleep.
“Mhm?” He smiled at me and sat down on the couch in front of me. “You fell asleep,” he said as I sat up slowly. “Are we really that bad?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No, I like it. But I’m sleepy, and you’re music is so soothing,”
He smiled at that and moved to let me up. “I thought I’d take you home now,” he said and helped me stand.
“You’re not coming over?” I asked, disappointed. “No, I thought I would have a conversation with my parents,” he said and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“You mean—,” His nod cut me off. “Yeah, I don’t think they’ll really mind, as long as I visit, but I figured I should stay here tonight,” I nodded at him.
“You do want to, right? You’re not just doing it for us?” Vic caught my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Of course I do. I want to be with you both just as much Kellin, and even if I didn’t, you’re my responsibility,”
I cringed lightly. “Hey. I’m not saying that I feel responsible for you, but I do think it’s my job to take care of the two of you. And I do want to live with you. I am kind of fond of you, you know,” he said and kissed my neck playfully.
I giggled and held onto him tighter. “You’re moving out?” Mike asked, startling us both.
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to mom and dad about it yet,” He nodded a little and walked over to us. “Seriously?”
Vic nodded and sighed. “Is that okay? I mean, Kellin and I have to be the same place to take care of the baby, and there isn’t a place for them here,” he said.
“Yeah, I get why. It’ll just be weird without you here all the time…. Just like, come see me, okay?”
Vic smiled softly and hugged him. “Of course I will. And you can come see me too. I mean, you have to come over to spoil my kid,”
Mike laughed and nodded. “Okay. Well you should probably take Kellin home then,”
Vic nodded and looked back at me. “Ready?” ~