We Will Never Be the Same

It had been a week since I was ‘sick’ and I had been nauseas every day since. I threw up a few times every morning, and then a few times during the day randomly.
Maybe I was dying, but I was starting to worry. What was wrong with me?
I hadn’t told my mom, just so she wouldn’t worry about me. She had enough to worry about without me on her mind. So, I tried to throw up as quietly as I could and pretend that I wasn’t nauseated when she made a tuna sandwich for herself.
I hated fish, but for some reason, just seeing it made me want to puke my guts out.
I sighed softly and sat down with Justin. “Hey…what’s up with you?” he asked. “I don’t feel well,” I replied and leant my head on my hand.
“How so?” he asked. “My stomach hurts,” He nodded a little. “Maybe you’re just really hungry?” he asked and I shook my head.
“I’ve been like this all week,” I admitted. “Oh…so you’re still sick?” I groaned. “I don’t know. I keep throwing up, but then I feel okay for a while before I get nauseas again,” Justin frowned and leant back in his seat.
“Hm…maybe you’re pregnant,” he said teasingly. “Yeah right. That’s not even possible,” I said, although it was. I was born differently than other boys.
I had male genitalia, but I also had a uterus, 1 ovary, and the ability to get pregnant. My parents had decided to have surgery on my when I was still really young, so that I was biologically a boy, but still able to get pregnant.
Basically I was intersex, and while unable to impregnate, could still be impregnated.
However, I hadn’t had sex since—shit. How long did that have to take? God, I really should have paid attention in sex ed. “Hello? Kellin, I was kidding…. Wait, you don’t really think you are, do you?”
I bit my lip, seriously considering it now. Justin and my mom were the only ones that knew about me, so he was serious now.
I still ovulated or whatever, but I didn’t have a period, so I never really knew when ‘that time of the month’ was. Shit, I couldn’t really be pregnant, right?
Besides, Vic had used a condom, and I hadn’t felt it break…. Unless he hadn’t used one. I knew he got one out, but I couldn’t remember him putting it on.
That night was still fuzzy to me, although I could have sworn he put it on. He got the lube and the condom and then put them on the bed and…. Oh fuck.
I was starting to panic. I honestly couldn’t remember him putting it on, so maybe he didn’t.
“Shit, Kellin, are you okay?” I shook my head quickly. “Are you—“I don’t know,” I snapped, cutting him off.
“Jesus, chill. When was the last time you had sex?” he asked. “With Vic,” His eyes widened largely. “Oh my fuck Kellin, tell me you used a—“I thought so. I could’ve sworn that he did. I mean, we were drunk so I don’t actually remember, but he got one out, and I thought he did but now I’m not sure and, god, Justin, what if I am?” I rambled.
“Relax, Kellin, don’t give yourself a panic attack,” Justin said seriously. I nodded and tried to calm my rapid breathing.
“Okay, so, it’s fifth period. We’ll go to the drugstore after school and get a test,” I nodded again, only half listening as I worried inside my head.
I couldn’t be pregnant. Although it made sense; why else would I be like this?
“Relax, okay?” he said. “Mhm, yeah….” I didn’t though. Ho could I? ~

Justin pulled into a parking space outside of CVS and turned the car off. “Do you want me to go in with you?” he asked.
I nodded frantically. My nerves were practically fried. “Okay. Just relax,” Justin said before getting out.
I followed him inside and down one of the aisles closer to the pharmacy. It was stocked, one half with condoms, and then other with pregnancy tests.
I had always thought it was kind of ironically funny to put them together; like, here, go have sex, and when it brakes you can buy a test in the same place.
“Which one?” Justin asked, looking at the shelves and shelves of pregnancy tests.
“How am I supposed to know?” He shrugged and picked one up at random. He read it for a minute before cringing. “Ew, no,” he said and quickly put it back on the shelf.
“Hm…what about this one?” He said and handed it to me. “Why this one?” I asked back and looked down at it. ‘First Response’ “I don’t know, just read it.”
I sighed and flipped the box over. It had two tests, and was supposed to be ‘America’s most accurate’. “Whatever, let’s just go,” I said quickly and walked out of the isle.
We went up to the desk, the woman looking at me funny. “It’s for his girlfriend,” Justin said beside me.
She nodded a little and rung it up. “7. 95,” she said. I pulled out my wallet and handed her a ten. She gave me the change before putting it into a small bag and handing it to me.
“Good luck,” I sighed and walked out with Justin following me I was going to need it.

I briefly looked over the directions before heading into the bathroom. Justin waited on my bed while I tried both of the tests and then washed my hands.
I went back to my room, setting them on my dresser before pacing back and forth. “How long does it say to wait?” Justin asked.
I answered absentmindedly, thinking too fast to really pay attention to him. His phone rang suddenly, scaring the hell out of me.
“Hello?” he asked, smiling sheepishly at me. “No, I’m busy…. Can’t it wait? I’m kind of in the middle of something important…. No, I can’t…ugh, no. Fine, bye,” he hung up angrily before standing.
“I have to go,” he said and pulled my into his arms. “Call me, okay?” I nodded and barely hugged back before he left. I went back to my pacing, waiting for the timer on my phone to go off….
It rang suddenly, and I quickly went to turn it off. I took a deep breath and looked at my dresser, all of my previous nerves flooding back.
I walked over and blindly grabbed one of the tests. 1…2…3…Oh god.
There were two little pink lines in the middle of the oval, making my heart race. I quickly grabbed the other one, only it said the exact same thing.
I could not be pregnant. ~