The Wall Between

Two weeks without Tyler was like two weeks without coffee. Clarke was dragging. She was tired, and stressed and she hadn’t laughed nearly as much as she was used to; it sickened her. She hadn’t realized how much time she spent with him between school and the entire two friends that she had.

It also didn’t help that she felt guilty.

Guilt was such an odd emotion. She wasn’t sure exactly what she felt guilty for, but she summed it up to three things: avoiding Tyler, giving him no explanation, and not being honest with him. Of course, all three things blurred together and could be grouped as one, but Clarke felt like they were all distinctly different crimes.

Tyler had made obvious effort to see her. He had invited her to lunch twice, asked if she and Colin wanted to go to a game, and even offered to help her study. Each time she had come up with an incredibly poor excuse, and it showed on his face. He reacted the same every time: firm mouth, a single nod, raised brows. It was an expression of contrition.

Now, Clarke scurried into the apartment before she could make too much noise in the hallway. She found herself coming home at weird times and leaving her apartment to study in other places quite often. It was like she was doing everything she could to avoid his door. Well, it wasn’t like she was doing it at all, because she very much was.

Juggling her keys, she stuck her apartment key into the lock. Just as she turned it, Tyler’s apartment door ripped open, starling her. She nearly dropped the clear tervis cup in her hands, clutching her tote filled with books to her chest. He looked at her and irritation was clearly written out all over his face. She froze, looking at him with wide, brown eyes.

“Hi?” she offered, not sure what else to say under his weighty gaze.

“Are you avoiding me?”

“No, not at all.”

“Good, then you can go to lunch.”

She fumbled. “Well I have a test this week and…” she trailed off. The expression on his face only deepened. It was the closest to angry that Clarke had ever seen him, though it bordered on frustration more than outright anger. Clarke nodded. “Can I put my things down and walk Dixie?”

He nodded. “I have to walk Marshall too.”

“Cool.”

Clarke awkwardly slid into her apartment and shut the door behind her. She quickly moved about her apartment. She couldn’t help but pause at the mirror on the wall fussing with her hair for a few minutes before wiping her palms repeatedly on her jeans. They were suddenly clammy and uncomfortable.

Dixie was sitting on the couch watching her. Clarke could swear the dog looked amused as Clarke ran around and grabbed the things that she needed. She decided she only needed a wallet and keys, not an entire bag. She shoved her things in her pockets and grabbed sunglasses and head for the door, only to curse and turn around and run back for a leash and the dog it was supposed to attach too.

Leashed and ready for her walk, Dixie followed Clarke to the door, only to be left as Clarke turned around again to run and get plastic bags for Dixie’s potty breaks. She finally made it back to the door, feeling out of breath and a bit sweatier than when she had first entered her apartment.

In the hall, Tyler was standing with Marshall at his feet. Tyler was looking at his phone, flicking upwards on it and glancing up at Clarke as she turned and locked the door behind her, turning around and forcing a grin to her face. He furrowed his brows at her.

“Why are you so sweaty?”

“What?” she asked. “I’m not sweaty- I look sweaty?”

Tyler continued to stare at her before deciding against whatever he was about to say. He gestured to the elevator and Clarke took off walking, cursing herself. She was acting like a borderline crazy person. There was absolutely no reason to treat Tyler any differently than she had been before, any slights were just in her head.

Despite that, the elevator ride down was impossibly silent. Tyler kept looking at her up and down, as if he were suspicious of her. Clarke looked everywhere except him, humming along to the tune of the elevator music to make the silence bearable. It really hadn’t helped.

Outside, the air had cooled immensely. In a few weeks time, winter would be in full swing. In just a month or so, Clarke would be down at the ranch for the weekend for her cousins wedding. Before that, she had to make a million trips to celebrate being in the bridal party. Life was about to get really busy.

“How’s the family?” Tyler asked her, as though he was reading her mind. “Your cousin gets married soon, right?”

Clarke stared up at him, surprised. Had he actually read her mind? Instead of asking, she nodded. “I’ve got a string of events coming up being one of the bridesmaids. And then the actual wedding so there’s that.”

“Sounds like you’ll be busier than you already are.”

They walked easily along, urging their dogs to wait until they got to the small dog park just down the way. Clarke looked at Tyler from the corner of her eye. He wasn’t looking at her. His eyes stared straight forward, jaw working.

“Why do you say it like that?”

“I just mean that how are you ever going to have time to enjoy yourself?”

“I still have time to do that.”

He raised his brows. “Really? Then why all the cloak and dagger every time I ask you to hangout.”

“Cloak and dagger,” Clarke echoed dumbly. “Nice use of the phrase.”

“Will I ever get a straight answer from you ever again?”

“What do you want me to say?” Clarke snapped, feeling defensive. She could tell he hadn’t expected the vehemence, but she felt like she couldn’t help it. She crossed her arms over her body as they entered the dog park and she unleashed Dixie. “I have school and I’m trying to figure out what exactly I’m going to do when I graduate.”

“I don’t care abut that, Clarke.”

“Well that’s nice of you.”

“Why are you fighting with me? I’m just trying to understand why suddenly you never want to talk to me, you practically run from me in the hallway, and you’re always beating around the bush with my answers. It’s like I’ve made you angry and you don’t want to say so.”

“Not everything is that deep, Tyler. You don’t have to read into everything.”

“See? Another non-answer.”

“Not everything revolves around you,” Clarke muttered. “I don’t have to explain every time I can’t go to lunch, do I?”

Clarke regretted it the moment she said it. She hadn’t realized how bitchy it sounded until she said it, and Tyler reacted likewise. He gave an amused laugh and shook his head. He walked away from her and walked over to Marshall, leashing him and walking towards the entrance. Clarke was already sagging with regret, opening her mouth to apologize but he cut her off.

“You’re absolutely right, Clarke.” He stared at her, a hard expression. “Your life doesn’t revolve around me. But you sure did come into mine and spend a lot of time there before you decided to pop back out without a single explanation. Have a nice day.”

Clarke closed her eyes and tilted her head back, swearing at herself. She felt ridiculous. She had acted out of character, pushed back when he was trying to ask her if he did something wrong, and had acted completely out of line. She felt like she was being a child and yet she didn’t chase him.

Fear was a weird thing.

The breeze picked up in the dog park. Clarke looked at her phone and saw that Piper had text her, asking if she had talked to Tyler. Another text message buzzed in, Piper again, saying to just be honest. Piper, Clarke’s ever present conscience, was right. Whistling, Clarke grabbed Dixie and jogged down the street, the dog right at her hip.

Running to the elevator she hit the button over and over again. Panting, Clarke looked at the guy next to her, who was looking at her with raised brows. Panting, Clarke gestured to the button. “Need it to go faster, I have to go tell this guy I really like him.”

He offered Clarke a high-five. She smiled and slapped his hand, the resounding smack giving her a boost of confidence. “Nice.”

“Yeah.” They both watched as the floors counted down. Clarke rocked back and forth on her heels. “Do you think I’ll puke?”

“I certainly hope not.”

This time, Clarke didn’t hum going up the elevator. She took several deep breaths, trying to figure out what she was going to say. When she got to her floor and the elevator doors opened, the guy who had been waiting with her glanced her way. She stood motionless, staring at the open doors. They began to close and he jumped forward to stop them.

“You have to get off you know?”

“Maybe I’ll just ride up and down a few times.”

“Go on, kid.” He grinned. “You’ll be great.”

“Thank you, random elevator stranger.”

The hallway felt entirely too small. Clarke stared at Tyler’s door and decided that maybe this wasn’t a great idea after all. She thought about the argument they had in the park and marched forward. Clarke was an adult woman who couldn’t live her life in fear, she decided.

Banging on Tyler’s door, she waited patiently. She heard his footsteps then the locking mechanisms. He opened it. His expression told her that he knew it would be her. He looked angry still and freshly shirtless which made it infinitely more important that she not stare at his chest and get out what she needed to say.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted. He seemed unconvinced, leaning against the door, dark eyes staring at her under equally dark lashes. “I was an asshole, and I wasn’t behaving like an adult. You’re absolutely right, I have been avoiding you but it wasn’t because you did anything at all, and I apologize for making it seem like that way.”

He looked her up and down and opened the door further. He leaned against the frame and crossed his arms. She scrunched up her nose, wondering if he knew what his arms did with the motion. Ignoring his tattoos and other perfections, she looked him right in the eyes. Her heart hammered.

“I should’ve been honest with you from the beginning instead of hiding from you, it wasn’t very brace of me. The thing is, you’re cool.”

“I’m cool?”

She cringed. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“So I’m not cool?”

“No- yes, stop responding so I can get this out.” He gestured for her to continue, now visibly amused. “You’re really awesome and you’re obnoxiously attractive- I emphasize the obnoxiously- and I just feel like you became super prevalent in my life and somewhere along the way I found that I really liked you.”

“You like me?”

“Is there an echo in here?” she snapped. “Yes, I like you. And I was worried that it would really bother you- I don’t expect any reciprocation or anything and I don’t want you to feel weird about it, but that’s what it was. I have… feelings and stuff.”

“Feelings and stuff.”

“Stop repeating me!” He grinned. “So that’s my piece and honestly I feel really awkward right now which is weird because I never feel awkward with you. I just didn’t want you to think that I was just a giant asshole, because I’m not. So I hope this doesn’t make you feel weird.”

He shrugged. “Wanna go to dinner tonight?”

“Dinner?”

“Remember what you said about echoes?”

Clarke stared at him. Tyler had a huge smile on his face, his eyes dancing with amusement. She felt her hands trembling a little, the adrenaline dying away and making her feel like she was a bit light headed. She hadn’t realized it was going to take that much will power to tell him something juvenile.

“You want to go to dinner…”

“I want to go on a date.”

“With me.”

Tyler glanced at Dixie. “She is a beautiful girl, a solid blonde, but I don’t think they’ll serve her where I want to go.” Tyler leaned forward and kissed Clarke on the cheek, making her heart spike. His beard was rough on her skin, but her face was warm with blush when he pulled away. “Be ready by eight.”

Clarke felt like she was in a day dream. “Is that how you get them all?” she asked, half in a daze. “Without your shirt on and a kiss on the cheek? No wonder they love you.”

“Forty-seven,” he mused. “I haven’t been on a real date in two years. Eight o’clock, I’ll be waiting.”

Tyler shut the door and Clarke remained standing there. She looked at Dixie. “I should be honest more often.”