Float On

“Kyo…you should come to the hospital.” Saya’s brother’s voice rang through my ears as I rummaged through Hiyo’s apartment, searching for contact information. The hospital was the last place I wanted Kyoko going, especially not knowing what waited there. Kyoko resided in her bedroom, playing with her dolls. I attempted to stay collected, but every fiber of my being was in panic mode.

“There has to be a babysitter’s number here somewhere!” I growled to myself, fishing through drawers.

“Finally!” I exclaimed, finding an address book. I whipped through the pages, racking my brain for Kyoko’s usual sitter’s name. “Mayo or something?” I muttered flipping through the M’s. “Mildred? Miko? Mayonaisse?! Ugh! What the hell was it?!” I hollered before stumbling upon one M entry. “Mom.” I recalled Hiyo’s confession to us last night. Her parents really wanted nothing to do with Kyoko. She didn’t even live near them. My heart raced and head spun, but this seemed to be the best option right now.

I dug my phone from my pocked, dialing the digits for ‘Mom.’

Ring. Ring. Ring. Pick up already. I ground my teeth impatiently, already flipping through more pages in the address book. It was practically empty.

“Hello?” A gruff, male voice answered.

“Hello, is Hiyo’s mother available?” I rushed.

“Who’s asking?” He grumbled.

“Her neighbor.” I answered, tossing the book back into the drawer and slamming it shut, a bit harder than I’d anticipated.

“Hold on…” I could hear him shouting for Hiyo’s mother, and soon she was on the line.

“Hello?”

“Hi, my name is Kyo. I’m Hiyo’s neighbor.” I started, “I’m babysitting your granddaughter Kyoko, but I just got an urgent call and I need to go to the hospital immediately.” It was a long shot. “Is there any way you or another family member could watch Kyoko?” I plead.

“Is it really this urgent?” She questioned, an annoyed tone in her voice.

“My fiancé…I don’t know what’s wrong, but she never came home…she’s there…” I cracked. Each second chipped away at my patience, and my heart. The woman was silent, pondering to herself.

“I don’t live nearby, but my daughter and son-in-law do. Let me give them a call…” She responded after what felt like an eternity.

“Thank you.” I sighed hanging up. I moved to Kyoko’s room, peering inside. She looked up at me from beneath a mound of Barbie’s and ponies, a smile on her face.

“Want to play with me?” She questioned.

“Not right now Pita.” She frowned, but returned to what she was doing in silence.

I paced throughout the apartment, collecting things of importance to throw inside one of Hiyo’s oversized sitter bags. Eventually, my phone rang-Hiyo’s sister on the other end. I gave her the address and waited as patiently as possible. Before long a couple reached the apartment. The woman greeted me, her eyes falling on the disheveled apartment in disgust. Kyoko appeared at my side, glancing up at the two from behind my leg.

“Kyoko I presume?” The woman questioned with an awkward smile. Kyoko nodded uncomfortably, holding my pant leg tightly. Kyoko’s aunt turned her attention to me.

“Thank you for this.” I sighed, urging Kyoko forward toward her aunt. She only held tighter to me.

“Can’t I come with you?” She begged. I crouched to her level, looking her in the eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere fun.” I attempted a smile, “I’ll be back soon.” Kyoko frowned, but nodded. “You behave yourself.” I tossled her hair, rising to my feet.

“We’re going to my home, Kyoko.” The woman explained with one last look of disgust toward Hiyo’s home. She ushered Kyoko along, and I locked the door behind us.

I sat in my car, gripping the steering wheel tightly. What was waiting for me at the hospital? Squeezing my eyes tightly, I pushed all thoughts from my mind. I noticed Kyoko waving from the car window as they backed away, her brown eyes plastered on me. I returned her wave before focusing solely on driving to the hospital.



“I’m here for Saya Toda.” I explained to the nurse. Her fingers ran across the keyboard. I noticed her face falling to a frown.

“Please have a seat sir, I’ll have someone come get you.” She instructed in a gentle tone, bringing the phone to her ear.

My stomach was a mess of knots as I moved to the waiting room. What was wrong? Is Saya okay? Do they always make you wait? My heart felt like it was in my throat gagging me. I couldn’t breathe. I guzzled down water, attempting to ease my nerves. My feet tapped impatiently, shifting this way and that. I couldn’t bring myself sit still, so I paced. I’m sure I looked like I escaped from the inpatient wing, but it was the only thing I could do to keep myself sane.

It felt like ages before someone met me. It was a doctor. He said something, but I couldn’t make sense of his words. His mouth just opened and closed before he ushered me to elevators and into a room. Saya’s family was there, sitting on white leather couches. There were bouquets of lilies on end tables. Were lilies in season? Tears streamed down their faces. I was turned to the doctor. His lips were moving in silence. His hands rested on my shoulders, squeezing tightly. I glanced away, noticing Saya’s brother.

“Kyo.” The doctor said, snapping me back to reality.

“Huh? I’m sorry…what were you saying?” I muttered, meeting his eyes.

“Saya was in a car accident. We did what we could, but she didn’t make it. I’m sorry.” The words hit hard. My heart wedged itself free from my throat, but dropped to my feet.

“W-what? B-but I was just with her this morning.” I stuttered, mind reeling. This had to be some mistake. “How could she be gone?” I felt light headed, but heavy at the same time. My body wobbled beneath me as my consciousness floated away. “I need to sit down.” I stammered, losing my footing. I was suddenly on a couch. The doctor sat at my side.

“…Did she suffer?” I questioned, fearing the answer.

“She was likely D.O.A. As was the other driver. We still attempted to revive her.” He responded.

“H-how?” How were these words even escaping my mouth? It was like someone else was asking them-someone with no common decency. I didn’t want to know the answers, and I’m sure no one else in the room wanted to be reminded. But some asshole kept asking.

“The police are still examining the scene, but they believe no one was at fault. The roads were icy.” He answered so matter-of-factly. It was as if there was a shrug to his voice.

“But someone hit her…someone killed her.” Someone needed to pay…but they were already dead. No one could pay. No one could remedy this. I was losing it. I clenched my teeth, falling into my fists. Water dripped onto my lap. I touched my face, only to discover that I was crying. I didn’t even feel like I was in my own body. I felt like I was on my couch watching some cheesy soap opera.

“Like I said, no one was at fault. It was a tragic accident.” He uttered. I shook my head, ignoring the man. Blood boiled beneath my skin.

‘We did what we could, but she didn’t make it.

…She didn’t make it…

…Didn’t make it…

…Didn’t…’

The image of her glowing skin and brilliant smile flashed briefly in my mind. The way her hair fell so perfectly around her small shoulders when she lost herself in whimsical laughter. Her stunning, hazelnut eyes that I could lose myself in for hours. The way she fit in my arms like a puzzle piece.

All that was lost.

“I need to get out of here…” My lungs heaved as if caught beneath mounds of rubble. Everything collapsed around me. I couldn’t breathe. Somehow, my feet carried me out of the starch white room. The doctor’s muffled voice sounded out behind me, but my heavy footsteps overpowered the noise.

I managed to find my way to the lobby. I almost did not see her familiar, tiny body slumped over in misery. Desperate tears streamed down her usually chipper face. Her oversize, puffy eyes met mine and she quickly shot to her feet.

“Where is your mother?” I questioned, Kyoko shrugging in response. Saya was supposed to be home by now.

Everything clicked. Kyoko’s tiny body in this cold, dark place was proof of it. Why else would she be here?

Hiyo was the other driver. Kyoko’s mother… She killed Saya. She killed my future. Saya was gone. She was gone… Just like that, she no longer existed in the world.

She raced to my side, arms outstretched. Tears fell behind her as she stumbled. Without a second thought, I turned my back to the child and rushed out the doors. Her screams disappeared behind me as my feet carried me away. Heavy, fat snowflakes contrasted against the black of night, falling silently to the ground.