‹ Prequel: Shuffle
Status: Update every 1st and 3rd Saturday!

Float On

Purpose

“Kyo!” A muffled voiced sounded behind the thin walls of my room. It was one of the guys.

“Talk to me! It’s been over a week! Have you even left your room?!” Had I? “I’m worried…” He continued, “I know how you get…” It was Kaoru. I let my head lull to the side. It was the most I could do with what energy I had to muster.

Has it really been over a week? The last thing I remembered was running from the hospital. His muffled voice continued, further away now. I heard a frantic pounding at the front door. The sounds grew heavier, more forceful. It sounded as though he was throwing his entire body at the door. Soon, I heard the splintering and crashing of wood, followed by a heavy thud. It was quiet for a moment, the only noise being Kaoru’s heavy, delayed breathing.

“Are you even alive?” He muttered to himself, struggling to his feet. Was I?

Kaoru limped over to my side, slumping onto the bed at my side. His eyes were on mine, full of concern. I parted my lips to speak, but no words escaped. My throat burned raw, as if on fire. The pain made me realize that I was alive, barely. I suddenly realized how thirsty I was. My stomach had stopped groaning for food days ago, giving up. My heart pulsed slowly in my chest, and my lungs fought for breath. My eyes were heavy from tears that had run dry long ago. Kaoru reappeared with a glass of water-I hadn’t even noticed that he left.

“I dialed 9-1-1. I’m sending you to the hospital. Can you move?” He questioned. My lack of response was answer enough. Hesitantly, he lifted my torso, bringing the glass to my lips. Water… I wanted to guzzle it down. “Small sips.” He instructed. My body convulsed, falling into the man. I would have cried if I could.

I let my eyes fall shut in his embrace. Soon men arrived at my home, pulling a stretcher to my side. They heaved me into place, hurrying me out the door. Before leaving, my eyes fell on the coloring page resting on my refrigerator. I cried silently, wishing I could take it all back.

xoxox


I’d spent nearly a month at the hospital in recovery-one week was physical recovery, but the other three were spent inpatient working on my emotional recovery. After losing Saya, it was the last place I wanted to be. But in fact, it was the only place I should have been.

I had finally reached baseline, and was no longer in crisis. I can’t say I’m no longer depressed, but at least I want to continue living. I still had a purpose in life that needed fulfilled. Plus, I had an apology to give.

I stood at Kyoko’s aunt’s door, attempting to collect myself. My heart thrummed nervously in my chest as my clammy hands squeezed the strings of the gift bag tightly. Why was I so nervous? She was three… four now. I’d missed her birthday while in the hospital, but I felt like calling her wasn’t the proper thing to do. Ugh… especially after leaving her the way I had. My mind reeled as I recalled the last time I’d seen her. She’d just lost her mother and was under the care of total strangers…and yet I just turned my back on her and ran away.

‘Maybe I should have bought her a pony? A real one. Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do.’ I thought to myself, turning my heel to bolt away from the door.

“Oh, it’s you.” Kyoko’s aunt’s dry voice met my ears. “You should have knocked, I was about to call the police.” She drawled. I cursed myself for not leaving sooner as I turned around to face her, plastering a smile to my face.

“Yeah…I just got here. Hi.” I grinned awkwardly. She narrowed her eyes at me.

“What is it you want?” She hurried.

“I wanted to speak with Kyoko…and I have a birthday gift for her.” I stammered, holding the bag up.

“Make it quick.” She sighed, “We have plans.”

“Yes.” I nodded, joining her in her home.

“Kyoko!” The woman bellowed in a sharp tone. Kyoko was quickly in sight, eyes wide. “You have a visitor.” She finished, leaving us alone in the room.

“Mister Kyo?” Kyoko stammered, not making eye contact with me. She was different. She didn’t seem as lively, nor as youthful as she once had.

“…I understand someone had a birthday!” I cheered, putting on my best smile. She didn’t return the favor, but joined me at my side nodding. “Here.” I offered her the oversized bag that she hesitantly accepted. She glanced into it.

“Thank you sir.” She murmured.

“Don’t you want to open it?” I questioned. Kyoko looked at the floor, not answering me. I noticed how her shoulders shook as she dropped the bag, bringing her hands to her face. Her silent sobs broke my heart. I couldn’t help but to fall to the floor, scooping her small body to mine and holding her close, as her mother often had. Kyoko threw her arms around me, bawling into my shoulder.

“I thought I would never see you again!” She sobbed. I squeezed her tighter, shaking my head.

“I’m so sorry Kyoko…never again.” I fought to hold back my own tears. I was so lost in the moment I hardly noticed Kyoko’s aunt welcoming an individual at the door.

“Sir, if you don’t mind I have a previous engagement.” Her aunt jeered. Kyoko let me go, wiping her eyes. I nodded, standing to make my leave. I noticed the tags around the individual’s neck-they were from a social service agency…a foster agency. I frowned, furrowing my brows as I waved goodbye to Kyoko. She still had tears in her eyes.

I thought I was put on this earth to meet Saya and fall in love with her. I wasn’t put here to touch everyone’s hearts-I was only supposed to find the one person who touched my heart. If I was put here to find love, surely I could leave with that love. But, I realized Saya wasn’t my purpose. Someone else had touched my heart. My purpose was still out there, alone.

I knew what I had to do.

xoxoxo


“I will no longer sing for Dir en Grey.” I stated, my bandmates' eyes going wide.

“W-what?! Why?!” Die stammered. I sighed, collecting my thoughts.

“We’ve been together for nearly 20 years…nothing is going to change that. You guys are my family. We’ve been everywhere the world has to offer. I hate to say it, but the world has had enough of our time…What time we have left should be spent with our families. Life is short.” I shrugged.
Die and Toshiya continued staring wide eyed, but Kaoru and Shinya nodded in understanding.

“I knew this day would come.” Kaoru chuckled.

“I’m just glad I’m not the one doing it.” Shinya sniggered. Die and Toshiya stared at eachother, perplexed. They heaved heavy sighs before hanging their heads in defeat.

“So Dir en Grey…is no more?” Die questioned hesitantly. I nodded solemnly.

“We had a good run.” I smiled, Kaoru and Shinya joining in. Die shook his head in understanding, a grin working its way to his features.

“Can’t we at least have a farewell tour?!” Toshiya whined.

xoxoxo
One Year Later
xoxoxo


“Hey dad!” She shrieked from downstairs into my loft. I groaned, glancing over at the clock. 7:45am.

“Darling…it’s the weekend!” I replied, rolling on to my stomach.

“But you promised you would start waking up early with me to get ready for school!” She retorted, her footsteps trudging up the stairs.

“Kyoko…school doesn’t start until September…It’s JUNE!” I groaned, closing my eyes. She jumped onto my chest, my breath escaping my body. She had really grown over the past year since the adoption was finalized. She pressed her face to mine, a frown plastered on hers.

“Ugh! Fine!” I wept. She grinned, hugging me tightly.

“Thanks daddy!”

“Pain in the ass.” I grumbled, wrapping my arms around the child and squeezing the laughter out of her.

-fin-
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Thank you so much for reading Float On! I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you for all the comments, subscriptions, and ratings-it means a lot to me! I hope you'll continue reading some of my other works!

If you're interested, please check out Still Into You, a DiexShinya story with a twist.

I've also begun reworking two of my very first fanfictions-I Love You More and Forever Yours. If you've already read them, please look forward to My Beating Heart! I'm combining the two stories and even revamping the storyline. I hope you will read it. I'll continue to update my stories every first and third Saturday, so thank you again for all of your support!

Much love,

xoxdiebearxox