Stomachaches

I paced down the surprisingly empty street, glancing behind me every now and again just to make sure that none of my old roommates were following me. They weren't. And yes, I said old roommates. Because quite frankly, I had decided that I was definitely moving out. Alex's little freak out had really cut me deep. I tried to push the pain out of my body. I tried to tell myself that I knew I would end up fucking things up, and that I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I guess that doesn't mean that it shouldn't hurt, despite the fact that the love of my life finally said what was really on his mind. I never thought he would actually say it, even though I had always known that he was thinking it.

My head remained confused as I continued my walk down the sidewalk, my hands shoved down into the bottom of my pockets. I heard a car coming down the road, and I jumped, turning around and seeing if it was one of the guys. It wasn't, although the car was vaguely familiar. I watched as the black BMW pulled up in front of me, stopping at the edge of the curb. My heart began to race, and I couldn't see through the tinted windows. But when the window rolled down, I immediately recognized it as one of my best friends.

"Get in, loser." Vic Fuentes says, unlocking his car doors. I do as I'm told, pulling open the front passenger's side door and sliding in. I close the door, and don't even bother to put my seat belt on. "What are you doing out and about this early?" He asks, reaching forward to turn down the radio, the sound of AFI getting quieter and quieter.

"Alex and I got into a fight," I sigh, leaning back in my seat. "Well, forget that. Not so much a fight, but more so he just said some fucked up shit."

Vic raises his eyebrows. "You never told me you got back together with him." He states, before saying more. "But I know you. You can barely keep your hands off of him. Anyhow, what'd he say?"

"That I can't take care of myself and that I'm mentally ill." grumble, internally cringing at the memory.

Vic's nose scrunches up. "Ouch," He says, turning to look at me for a second. "I'm really sorry about that, Jack. Do you have a place to stay tonight?"

I think for a moment. "No, why?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I figured you wouldn't want to go home to Alex for a couple days." He explains, smiling as I nod in agreement. He was right. I really didn't want to see Alex tonight, or tomorrow, or the day after that. "You're welcome to stay with Kellin and I."

"That'd be great." I smile, winding down my window. "Is it cool if I smoke in here?" I ask. I pull my cigarettes and lighter out of my pocket.

"Only if you give me one," He replies, a smirk on his lips. I nod, and flip open the top of the carton, pulling two out; one for Vic and one for I. I hand him his, as he nods in thanks. I set mine between my lips, lighting up and inhaling before passing him the lighter. He lights up as well, before sighing. "Don't tell Kellin that I've been smoking."

"Why would I?" I question, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you quit?"

"I tried to, because the smell of cigarette smoke makes him lightheaded. But I couldn't." He answers, glancing to the photo of Kellin he has on his dashboard. "I wish I'd never started smoking."

I nod in agreement. "Me too. I don't like smelling like cigarettes and I don't like tasting like them."

"But you feel fine tasting like cheap booze and vomit?" Vic laughs dryly, looking over to me as we stop at a red light. I suppose that really was the case. I hated smoking, but loved drinking. I loved nothing more than stumbling around in a blurred haze, bumping into people, making connections, getting groped. It was the perfect situation for a heartbreak such as mine. I remember when I found Alex in bed with that dude, I had gone straight to Vic's. Not only had he and Kellin been the ones to dry my tears, they were also the ones who had allowed me to drown myself in alcohol everyday for a week straight. That was the very first time that I hadn't been sober for an entire week. I'd fall asleep drunk, wake up drunk, and then drink some more and get even more drunk. It was that very same endless cycle for so long.

"No, I don't mind." I force a smile as the light turns green, and Vic accelerates down the street. We were quiet for a few minutes as we got closer and closer to the home of Kellic. Once we had arrived to Vic and Kellin's cute blue house, I got out of the car, dropping my cigarette butt onto the driveway. "Are you sure that Kellin won't care if I'm here?"

"'Course he won't. We love you, Jack. You're welcome in our home anytime you want." Vic assures, closing his car door. My cheeks flushed as I followed him towards his house. He pushed the door open, and the smell of vanilla immediately followed. Kellin had always loved vanilla. It was his favorite scent, he had told me many times. Despite all of the running around that Kellin had always done for Vic, Vic still wore the pants in the relationship. Vic was his, and Vic was extremely possessive and got jealous very easily. I think when I introduced him to Alex, some of the obsessive habits had rubbed off onto him. Nonetheless, Vic loved Kellin with his entire being, and would do absolutely anything for him. I longed for a love like that, and I knew that I had one with Alex. But I knew that he deserved better. He can't spend his life taking care of me.

I took off my shoes as Vic did the same, and then followed him into the kitchen, where Kellin was sitting at the table typing away on his laptop. Kellin, unlike Vic, had gone to college. Ever since high school Vic had told Kellin that he was going to be a househusband. That he got to stay home all day while Vic worked. Vic would pay the bills, and all Kellin had to do in return was love him. But Kellin went to college anyway and pays half the bills.

Kellin looked up, giving us a huge smile before turning in his chair to face us. "Vic, you didn't tell me we were having Jack over!" He glances at me, taking it all in. I must've looked like shit, and I was pretty sure I did.

"Yeah, he's gonna crash here for awhile. Alex said some messed up shit and-" Vic begins to explain as he makes his way to Kellin, before his boyfriend interrupts.

"What did he say?" Kellin snaps in frustration, his mood immediately changing to anger at the mention of Alex. He'd never really liked us together, especially not after Alex had cheated on me. He basically wanted to murder Alex. So Kellin flat out hated him. That was a known fact.

"Nothing, uh, he just-" I stammer before I was immediately cut off by a confused looking Vic.

"This isn't 'nothing', Jack! This is important." Vic states, turning back to Kellin before clearing his throat. "He told Jack that he was mentally unstable, and that he'd never be able to look out after himself." I notice Kellin's jaw beginning to clench, and I decided that I needed to intervene a bit.

"Well, he didn't say quite that-" I try, only to be cut off by an upset Kellin instead of Vic.

"You're staying here and that's final." Kellin informs me, standing up and pushing in his chair. "Vic and I will go and collect your things tomorrow."

I took a second to allow all of the information to sink in. Was I going to be living here? What was Alex going to say when they went to gather my things? I didn't really mind. I felt safe, and welcomed in Vic and Kellin's house. They loved me. They really loved me. They were trying to protect me, and they were doing well over enough to keep me from getting hurt physically or emotionally. Just like Alex used to do. I kept telling myself that I could no longer think of Alex. No matter how much affection I had once held for him, he had once again shattered my spirits with a brutal honesty. I had once again felt broken beyond repair, and I had a feeling deep in my chest that this wound would be impossible to heal. Alex would always leave a scar on my heart. But that was no longer his to atone.

"I, uh, thank you." I utter out. Vic flashes me a grin before walking over and taking my hand. His hands are warm, and calloused much like Rian's. He led me out of the kitchen, and into the living room.

"I'm so excited!" Vic squeals happily, practically jumping up and down in excitement. I couldn't help but question why. I was only me. Only Jack. There was nothing special about me and there never would be. The best part of me was Alex. "I can't believe you're going to live with us!"

"It doesn't seem like I have much of a choice," I smile shyly, glancing down to my feet.

"We're absolutely stoked to have you here, Jack." Vic assures, reaching over to rest his hand on top of mine. "Kel and I have wanted you here with us ever since the end of high school!"

I raise in eyebrow. "Why didn't you guys ask?" I question, watching the way Vic begins to fiddle nervously with his hands.

"Well, Kel was going to, but I told him not to, because you were moving in with Alex. And now it's pretty much all my fault because if you would've said yes than you wouldn't have gotten your heart broken and-"

"Hey, there's no way that you could've known that I'd get hurt," I assure, smiling at the saddened boy in front of me. I hated seeing how much hurt I'd caused a sweet dude like Vic. Although, Kellin was definitely right. I needed to move in with them. They were good for me. They were going to help me swim after Alex had tried to drown me. "And I'm fine, Vic. I'll be okay."

Vic is quiet for a moment. "Just promise me you'll come talk to me if you start listening to the monsters in your head." He says softly, his eyes glued to the white scars sewed into my skin.

"I promise." I reply, my heart beginning to beat faster inside of the empty cavity that is my chest.

Just then, Kellin walked in, a bottle of Jack Daniel's and three shot glasses in hand.

"Kel, are you sure about that?" Vic asks cautiously, glancing up to his boyfriend in confusion. I was confused too. I knew for a fact that Kellin knew I had a bit of an alcohol problem, so I questioned his motives. Not that I was complaining in the slightest, I just wondered why he was allowing me to trash my own head.

"Mike, Tony and Oli are coming over." Kellin replies happily, smiling at me before opening the bottle and pouring some of the sickening liquid into each one of the glasses. "Hannah just broke up with Oli, and he needs a little cheering up. And y'know, I think our roomie Jack needs a little pick me up, too."

Vic smiles and nods in agreement before picking up two shot glasses off of the table, and handing one to me. I thank him with a smile, as Kellin picks his up.

"On three?" Kellin asks, a mischievous smile spreading across his lips.

"Three." Vic agrees from beside me. "Jack, could you start the count down, please?"

I couldn't help the grin forming on my lips, as I simply said, "One."

"Two." Vic says.

"Three." Alex finishes.

And we raised the glasses to our lips, and drank.

Soon enough, Mike, Tony and this Oli fellow had arrived, and I was quick to learn that he was one of Tony's closest friends other than Mike, Vic and Kellin. He was a fun guy. Cute, big hazel eyes, messy brown hair. I liked him almost instantly, which is a rarity in me.

After a couple of beers, I found myself sitting on the couch next to Oli, talking about anything and everything under the sun. He was in a band called Bring Me the Horizon, and that really interested me. I liked people with a passionate side for music.

"So, Jack, how'd you meet Kellin and Vic?" A completely sober Oli asks, his eyes glued to mine as my drunken mind tried to decipher the question he had asked me.

"Uh, high school. My ex boyfriend, Alex, was in Vic's calculus class." I reply, noticing the way Oli's eyes had widened at the mention of Alex. Now, I was too drunk to pay any sort of mind to it. Later, maybe I would try to care about it.

"Tell me about Alex?" Oli asks, and I mean, who could say no to those eyes? Well, sober Jack could. But sober Jack wasn't here right now, was he?

"Nothing to tell." I mutter, bringing my beer up to my lips. I take a sip as Oli asks for at least a few details. "Fine. He broke my heart, and I decided to be an idiot and go crawling back to him after he'd said his apologies. Just so he could fucking hurt me again!" Oh, no. Shit, shit, shit. Now, crying, upset, drunk Jack was coming into play. No one liked crying, upset, drunk Jack. Oli didn't seem to mind him, though.

"Oh, Jack, it's okay." Oli murmurs, pulling me into him, allowing me to cry into his shoulder as he ran his hand up and down my back.

"Why doesn't he want me?!" I sob out, a little too loudly. Vic comes rushing into the room, nearly tripping on a beer can that had been tossed onto the floor by yours truly.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Vic asks in concern, sitting down on the other side of me as I nuzzle further into Oli's skinny body.

"Everything." I sniffle out, closing my eyes for a few moments.

Soon after my little breakdown, drunken Jack decided that it would be a good idea to go outside and have a smoke. Vic instructed Oli to go out with me so I didn't run off. He would've, but he had to look out for Kellin, who was possibly drunker than myself. Anyhow, Oli and I went outside.

I plopped down onto the grass, pulling my cigarettes and lighter out of my pocket. Oli sits next to me, crossing his legs in front of him.

"That's a bad habit." He says, pointing to the cigarette placed in between my fingertips.

"Disgusting," I agree, flipping open the top of the carton.

"It'll kill you." He states, staring at my hand as I pull out a cigarette and my lighter.

"I know," I answer, setting the cigarette in between my lips and lighting the end of it.

"Why do you do it?" He questions with raised eyebrows as I inhale.

"Why not?" I shrug, exhaling cigarette smoke, causing Oli to become even cloudier than he already was.

"Sadness can't be cured with tobacco and alcohol, Jack. All you're doing is killing yourself." He tells me, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder.

"That maybe so. But hey, who knows? Maybe I've always been trying to kill myself." I say, glancing down into the grass, watching it blow in the soft, summers summer's night breeze. "Maybe that's all I was made for." Drunken words are sober thoughts.

Oli's eyes soften as I look up at him through my hazy gaze. "Jack, that isn't true. You're not giving yourself enough credit."

"Yeah?" I question, raising my cigarette to my lips and taking a drag. "Even if I was giving myself enough fucking credit, I'd still be fucked in the head. I'd still have substance abuse issues. And he still wouldn't fucking treat me right."

"Who gives a shit about Alex? Jack, I realize that he was in fact a large chapter of your life, but he isn't the entire damn book. You can rewrite things for yourself. You can change your ways, and you can get help. No one can stop you from changing your future." Oli says softly, glancing up at me from underneath his eyelashes, his eyes shining in the light of the back porch light.

And I didn't mean for this to happen. Not in a thousand years had I ever wanted this to happen. I didn't know, and I figured that I wouldn't know for a very long time. That perhaps someone other than Alex was my soulmate. Someone who was intelligent, and thoughtful, and polite, and...handsome. Someone named Oliver Scott Sykes. Now, I know that I'm drunk, and I know that he may not be who I thought he was in the morning, but all I knew was that I was drunk and desperate, and craving for love from someone other than a friend. I don't know what I was thinking when I kissed Oli. I think I had assumed that he would play it off as a drunken mistake, that he thought I didn't know what I was doing. But I sure as hell knew what I was doing. My lips were pressed to his, and I found myself shell shocked when he pulled me into his lap, my legs wrapping around his back instinctively.

And for some reason, the thought of Alex hadn't once crossed my mind. No guilt. No remorse. No emotions.