Stomachaches

The slamming of the front door echoes throughout the house, startling us. Silently I was worrying, despite every fiber in my body screaming that he deserved to be mad. That he deserved to see me off moving on, just like he should do the same. Yet my heart still reached out for him, deep down inside hoping that he still felt some sort of emotion for me other than disappointment or disgust.

"I'm sorry, guys." I mumble, picking my shirt up off of the ground. "I'm beginning to think it wasn't a good idea to have me move in with you."

"Nonsense." Zack replies, standing up from the couch. He stretches for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Alex is just a little bit overprotective of you and-"

"He has absolutely no right to be. He's the one who fucked me over. End of story." I snap, my stomach tightening in frustration. Who does Alex think he is? He doesn't control me anymore. I'm not his anymore. He can't expect me to come back running into his arms like I did in high school. I'm a grown man now.

"Let him finish, Jack." Rian says in a warning tone, raising his eyebrows. Shit, sometimes I think that kid thinks he's my mom or something. I'm an adult, and even though I don't show very good skills at being mature, I can still handle myself. I sighed and nodded, allowing Zack to finish his statement.

"You're his first love, and to be quite honest, I don't think he's gotten over you yet." Zack states simply, before heading towards the door. "I'm gonna go check on the little guy."

I nod, glancing around the room for a pack of cigarettes. More specifically, my cigarettes. The door closes as Zack exits the house, and I decide that its about time for me to go have a smoke. "Rian, did you keep my cigarettes safe?"

"Yes, I did, Jack." Rian huffs, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out my pack of Marlboros. "Do not smoke this entire pack tonight, okay?" He instructs, forcing the unopened package into my hand.

"Yes, Mom." I sigh, turning away from him and walking down the hallway towards the kitchen. I glance around a bit, before exiting through the sliding glass door and into the backyard. Sitting down, I opened my pack of cigarettes, pulling my lighter out of the back pocket of my jeans. I lit up, taking a long drag as I began to reflect on last night.

Not only had I never met Brendon before, I'd never even heard his name being mentioned. I remember him being sober last night, and guiding me to Matt's guest bedroom. I had begged him to stay, pulling him into bed with me before he could object. I remember straddling him, leaving sloppy kisses and hickies all over his neck. Nonetheless, he seemed to enjoy it before he flipped us over and began to leave his mark all over me. Brendon was the first kid that I actually felt some sort of emotion toward, the first one I hadn't left before they could wake up. I began questioning myself whether or not this was something I was willing to do.

But then again, Brendon was nice, cute and somewhat quirky, all traits I found attractive in a boy. Yet I was scared. Not for myself, but for Brendon. My friends could be somewhat intimidating, let alone the fact that Alex's eyes would burn into him. I could never bring another guy home. Not in a million years with Alex around.

I heard mumbling from the side of the house. Being my usual, sneaky, nosy self, I decided to listen in. I knew for a fact that it was Alex and Zack and I could only assume that they were coming to the backyard to sit down in the lawn chairs.

"-and I am just filled with so much love for him," Alex says, his voice shaky and laced with sadness. "But h...he doesn't want it."

"Oh, Alex, I-" I took a drag of my cigarette as Zack's voice stopped, signalling that the pair was right behind me. "Oh, hey, Jack. What're you doing out here?"

I slightly raised my hand holding the cigarette into their view before taking another drag.

"I thought you stopped smoking." Alex says quietly, looking down at me.

"Things change." I answer simply. I bite the inside of my bottom lip, the taste of cigarettes strong in my mouth.

"Didn't you promise Rian that you wouldn't get addicted?" Zack asks raising his eyebrows at me. I drop my cigarette into the glass cup on the porch, before opening the pack and taking out another one.

"Who said I was addicted?" I question skeptically, watching as Alex and Zack sit down in the lawn chairs across from me.

"You just said it for yourself since you're already having another one." Alex grumbles.

"I just don't want to go inside yet." I reason, shrugging before lighting up and taking a drag. I have half a mind to throw a lit cigarette at him.

"Your lungs are going to go shit." Zack scoffs, staring down at the cancer stick in my fingertips.

"I'll take my chances." I counter. "Anywho, what did you guys do last night?"

"Stayed up all night worrying about you." My ex boyfriend replies icily, all previous sadness eliminated from his voice. "Somehow we had a hunch that you were going to go out fucking strangers."

Oh, ouch. That one may have hit home just a little too hard for my liking. How can he even say that? He's the one who put us in this fucking position! If only he didn't fuck some other guy. He ruined my entire life. I wasn't letting him win anymore battles with me.

"You don't know shit, Gaskarth." I reply, dangerously calm. Because I knew damn well that if I got too worked up, I'd find myself hungover in someone else's bed tomorrow morning. "Brendon isn't a stranger."

"Oh, yeah?" Alex raises his eyebrows, as if daring to challenge me. "When did you meet him?"

"Last night, but-"

"So he's a stranger." Alex interjects, a satisfied smirk on his lips. God, how I wanted to smack it off.

"Alex, leave it." Zack instructs gently, only to be ignored by his best friend.

"How many strangers do you think you've fucked, huh, Jack?" Alex asks cockily, tilting his head to the side, his stupid fucking beautiful brown eyes shining in the light of the sunset.

I can't take anymore of this. My heart was getting heavy, and I immediately realized that there was only one thing I could do to lighten it. I stand up, taking a drag of my cigarette. "I'm gonna go get dressed." I mutter, heading towards the glass door.

"For what?"

"To go fuck some more strangers." I spat, closing the door behind me, finding Rian's eyes wide as he stares at me from the kitchen sink.

I ignore him and begin up the stairs, heading into my bedroom. Peeling off my dirty clothes, I quickly smear some vanilla scented body lotion all over myself before pulling on a pair of non-ripped black skinny jeans and a black v-neck. I tug on my black Nikes and look in the mirror, examining the tired, messy haired kid staring back at me, absolutely begging not to go out tonight. What else was I supposed to do? I didn't have anything else to numb me, something that wouldn't scare the guys too badly.

Exiting my room, I wondered into the bathroom, locking and closing the door behind me. Plugging in the hair straightener, I began to brush my teeth as I wait for it to heat up. After I was done with my teeth, sure enough, my face still looked exhausted. Luckily, it was nothing that a little bit of concealer couldn't fix. After smearing it on my face and rubbing it in, I began on my hair, straightening out all of the little flicky bits until it was styled the way I liked it. I unplugged the straightener and left the bathroom, walking back into my room to grab my phone. I quickly dialed a cab, since I knew damn well that no one was going to drive me to the bar. I had about ten more minutes to do anything I wanted to, so I decided to make myself look a little bit better. When the cab pulled up, my hair was flawless, as was my face. And I was going to leave. I tucked my wallet into my pocket and headed down the stairs, immediately being stopped by Rian.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"To the bar." I reply flatly, pushing him out of the way before continuing. "Where else?"

"You aren't sleeping with someone else tonight again?" Rian asks, his footsteps trailing behind me. "Are you?"

I spin around, finally getting sick of his shit. "I can look out for myself, Rian. I appreciate your efforts, I really do. But I'm a lost cause, and you are never going to fix this mess I've made of myself. That's just how it is." I turn back around, exiting the hallway and entering the living room, finding the other two guys staring at me. "Are any of you gonna try and fucking stop me?"

They remained silent.

My fingertips were on the doorknob when an unforgettable voice said something to me.

"Jack, just...call us if you get into trouble, okay?" Alex asks meekly.

I don't answer him. I just pull the door open, and leave.