Stomachaches

I woke up alone. My bed was once again empty, and I questioned whether or not I had dreamed of last night or not. I opened up my phone and looked back at my texts.

"Shit," I sighed, reaching up to rub my tired eyes. Getting up out of bed, I snatched up my cigarettes and lighter before I headed out of my room. I didn't care about my appearance anymore. All I could care about is that I fucking said that to Alex. All I do is destroy. Making my way down the stairs, I ran into Zack half way.

"Jeez, you look like shit, dude." He says, eyes widening at my appearance. Great. Not only did I feel like shit, but I also looked like shit. Today is definitely not going to be a good day for me, I can already feel it. My heart is heavy and I want nothing more than to tear the flesh from my bones in a miserable rage. I don't even know where my inner flame went. I was hopeless and I officially had no one. Dark matter fills the spaces where the sun had been some years ago, and honestly it sucks.

"Thanks." I grumble, pushing past him and continuing down the stairs. My footsteps were heavy and slow while I walked, my eyes glued to the floor beneath my sock covered feet. I made my way into the kitchen, ignoring Zack and Rian calling my name. I entered the kitchen, finding Alex at the stove, cooking what sounded like bacon.

"Good morning, Jack." He says happily. Shit, someone was in a good mood. Great. I'd better leave him alone before I fucking ruin it for him. He'd be disappointed to find out that I was once again feeling lifeless, and like a complete asshole. I didn't even have to try. I was just naturally a freak of nature and ruined everybody's day and broke too many hearts. Some people think that it's cool to be a heart breaker. Or maybe that it's fun. But it's not. You can't go on with your day knowing that you've caused someone inner pain over something you've done. I'm not a fan of hurting people. I hurt people because I'm scared of them, and don't know what else to do to prevent myself from getting hurt. I'm a fan of hurting myself, if anything. Because I definitely deserve it. And Alex doesn't need any of my hurt dragging him down.

"Hey." I reply, pulling open the fridge and leaning down to grab a bottle of beer. Nothing like drinking at a nice ten am.

"How could you possibly start drinking this early?" He asks, raising one eyebrow skeptically as I twist the cap off. He was trying to determine what was wrong with me today, and I hated it. No one should worry for me.

"I dunno," I shrug, taking a sip from the bottle before sliding open the glass door and going outside. I sat down in my normal smoking spot on the patio before open my carton and pulling a cigarette out. I set it in between my lips before lighting up and taking a long drag. I blow it out just as I hear the door opening. I don't look to see who it is coming outside since I already know who it is.

Alex sits down next to me, flashing me his signature goofy grin that I've missed so much. "I've missed your secondhand smoke."

I chuckle dully, before picking up my beer bottle and taking a slow sip. "Yeah. So, uh, what's up?" I ask not feeling awkward. Which is saying something considering that I can barely go into the gas station and buy a pack of cigarettes without having an anxiety problem.

"Just missed you. Thought I'd come out and try to make conversation." He replies easily, crossing his legs in front of him. My heartbeat went faster at his words, yet at the same time I wondered what anyone would ever miss about me. I was nothing special, just an average fucked up kid. That was all.

"Well, I'm not exactly the best conversationalist. But I'll try to keep you interested." I answer, taking another drag. I blow out the smoke before he opens his mouth to talk.

"You've always kept me interested. Even when we hadn't had a conversation in five months. You will always interest me." He states, his cheeks flushing a light shade of red as he talked. My stomach clenched, and I can only assume that my own cheeks were blushing red.

I smile as I stare down at my feet. I could not feel better than this. No one had been able to lift this sadness in six months, except for him. He had broken the walls, and I finally felt like someone was really trying for me again. No one had ever really fought for me, except for Alex.

"So, are you going to tell me what's been up with all this drinking business?" He questions, finally getting extremely serious, as I knew he would. "And sleeping with all of these new people. Last time I checked, my Jack wasn't like that at all."

"That's because I wasn't your Jack anymore." I answer nervously, feeling like I shouldn't tell him this. My heart was screaming and begging for me to pour my heart out to him, yet my brain was screaming and begging for me not to. I didn't go for the latter. "It killed me when we had broken up. You were my heart, my soul, my everything. And when I found you in bed with that...kid everything in me just withered away. There was no more sympathy, empathy, nor love left inside of me. I was nothing but an asshole, and still am. I was worried that I'd end up being hurt again by someone, that I hurt them before they got the chance to hurt me. As for all the times in between, I found satisfaction in the bottom of a bottle. Some days it seems like all emotion has just...gone. Today is one of those days."

Alex remains silent for a moment. I can only assume that he's thinking of the right thing to say, or mulling my words over in his head. "I'm sorry, Jack."

And those three words felt like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. For once I wasn't the one saying those words. I was the one receiving them. Those three words were the things that told me that everyone makes shitty mistakes, and almost everyone regrets them. They interpreted that he actually truly felt regret for his actions, that he actually loved me in the way that I loved him. I looked over to him, finding him already staring at me. I bit the inside of my lip before scooting closer to him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, his found their way around my waist as I lean in. We hugged for what seemed like hours, but I was enjoying every second of it. Missing the feel of his skinny frame pressed to mine, and smelling his cologne and feeling his long fingertips resting on my back. We pulled away, and he looked a bit shocked.

"Why are you crying?" He asks eagerly, staring at me with utter concern.

"I'm crying?" I wonder aloud, looking at his shirt finding that there were circular wet spots on his T-shirt from where my tears must have hit. He reaches forward, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears from my face as he stares into my watery eyes, making my insides melt. It's been awhile since we'd looked at each other this. Staring not at each other, but into each other, looking for something that neither one of us could find in anyone else but one another. That's when I knew that he was my absolute everything and I loved him with the entire of my being.

"Yeah," He whispers, a smile spreading across his lips. "I really fucked us up, didn't I?"

"It wasn't your fault." I whisper back, taking his hands in my own and removing them from my face. I brought our hands down and set them onto Alex's crossed ankles. "It was mine."

We stared down at our interlocked hands, mine on the bottom, exposing my pale inner forearms to the both of us. I internally screamed, knowing that he hated seeing them. He had once told me that he'd had nightmares about them. That they haunted them every time he'd see them. He absolutely loathed my scars.

"You haven't...?" He asks trailing off as his eyed remained glued to the scars I had laced into my own skin. They were a milky white in color now, being that they were five to six years old. I still hated them.

"No," I answer honestly, looking up and staring at him. "I haven't even thought of it."

He looks up, a small smile plastered onto his lips. "Good. Uh, would you like to come downstairs and watch a movie with me maybe?"

I nod, taking a long drag off of my cigarette before dropping it into my beer bottle and standing up just as he does. He slides the door open and I follow him inside before turning around and sliding the door shut. I turned around to find Zack and Rian staring at Alex and I in shock. I look to Alex, finding him smirking before pulling open the door to the basement and heading downstairs. I shrug at the guys before following Alex down the stairs and closing the door behind me. I follow the faint light shining from his room so I don't fall down the stairs. Once my feet reach the basement floor, I grin and sit down on Alex's bed as he's crouched down examining the movies in his massive collection. The two of us finally settle on 'BeetleJuice'.

He laid down behind me, pulling me down with him before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into him. I melted into his touch, allowing him to put one of his legs over both of mine, pulling me even closer to him. Soon, one movie turned into two, and two turned into four, and four almost turned into eight, but after the seventh movie, I found Alex asleep behind me, holding onto me tightly, not allowing for me to go and change the movie. I glanced to the clock in his room, finding that it was already ten at night. That was an acceptable bedtime, I guess. So I closed my eyes and leaned further into Alex, allowing myself to slip into a deep and comfortable sleep.