Hello / How Are You?

Hello!

I looked up at the ceiling as I woke, loathing the fact that I had opened my eyes and signed myself over to another day. I always do this. Every morning.
I laid there, not even thinking until my mom made me actually wake up. I had to take my medication. I did that, and ate breakfast. Everything tasted bad, as usual. I almost threw up after a few bites, but I managed to keep it down.

How are you?

I was going to skip school again. At this point I had too many absences to graduate my year; but I didn't really care. I didn't really care about anything. My mom nagged me about taking a shower, but I just went to my room and laid down again.

Sleeping.

I actually felt wrong in my own skin, like I didn't belong here. Of course, I didn't. Part of me didn't want to believe that, though. A very small part, but it still had a say. I got a text. "You're not at school again. Are you okay?" No, actually, I'm not. I felt like if anyone really cared, they would've noticed how not okay I am. But everyone's too busy in their own worlds, just like I am in mine. I can't really blame them; their worlds are probably better, and their time is too precious to invest in one like mine.
Sorry.

Crying.

My mom got a call from the school about all my absences. I didn't care. But she did. She wanted me to succeed in life, of course, that's what a good mom would want. But I didn't want to go anywhere. It seemed like every time I tried, something just got worse. So I continued to lay there.
Eventually tears started spilling over, so I locked my door. I didn't want anyone to see me as weak as I was right then. My mom knocked and knocked but I wouldn't let her in. Eventually she gave up.

"Oh well, whatever."

I looked at my ceiling again. It seemed like I looked there a lot; like it had the answers to everything I was looking for. But in reality, it was just a ceiling. A plain white ceiling. Maybe I looked there because that was what I wanted. I just wanted plain white. To stop existing.

I am so weak.

Night fell. I spent the entire day in bed. I tried to eat dinner, but again, I got nauseous. My brother asked me if I wanted to play. I said no. I sat up on my bed, opening my laptop and going online. I almost went to one of those anonymous venting sites, because I felt overwhelmed by my feelings. But I figured, who would want to listen to me? No one, that's who. So I didn't do anything except listen to music that meant nothing to me anymore.

The morning sun will rise fairly and cruelly.

Don't mind me, I just can't sleep. My friend asked me why I was awake so late, and I was so tempted to tell. But I didn't want to be a burden. Sorry.
I didn't even bother trying to disguise my distaste with life anymore. I wasn't wearing a 'mask,' as so many of those other sad people say they do. I just... I was just open with it. Even if I didn't tell anyone, I didn't hide it, either. I'd tell, if anyone bothered to ask why I was so dull nowadays. But no one did. So I didn't tell.

If my life has a time card, then when exactly will I get off my "work"?

At night I try to do things that used to make me feel good, just to pass the time. I watch TV shows, I read, I continue to listen to music, I look at pictures of pretty people. I don't even want to be like those pretty people anymore. I just don't care.
My life has no meaning. I'm not here for any particular reason, like most other people are. I don't have any aspirations or dreams. I just have nightmares, when I sleep and when I wake.

Until I stop opening my eyes, it will continue to repeat.

It starts with the morning.

Hello!

How are you?