Bleeding Inside and Out

The airplane was filled with stale air, which made my mood feel even more despondent. I lifted the shade that covered the window and peered out over the grimy city that was hastily approaching. I was used to my hometown, Los Angeles, it’s smoggy mornings, afternoons, and well, nights too. From the looks of the city skyline, Newark, New Jersey wouldn’t be much different. I suddenly felt a nudge at her side. I looked to see my twin, Jade, motioning to take my headphones, which were blasting the new album by Green Day entitled Nimrod. I removed them to realize that the attendant was announcing their descent into Newark. I guess this was it. It’s real. I peered down the aisle to look at my other two brothers, Sam and Greg. They were packing up their carryon luggage, not noticing my gaze. I looked past them, hoping to see the two faces I wanted to see most. I hoped that my parents would be sitting next to them and that we were simply getting ready to go on a bizarre family vacation to New Jersey. But no, they were not sitting there. They never were, they never would be. This wasn’t a vacation. This was a permanent destination. Sighing, I packed my few things that I had taken out on this trip. I had pulled out my Batman comic with all intentions of reading it the entire flight, but once I put on my headphones I was sucked into the world of music and its magical way of helping my thoughts make sense.

Soon, we were off the plane with little idea of where we were going. The airport smelled of mildew which filled my nostrils and imbedded this memory into my head. It always seems like the worst memories that stick with you, and this one was no exception. The airport seemed so lackluster. It seemed like everyone was rushing to get out of it and in conjunction New Jersey.

“Where do we even go to meet her?” Greg asked, sounding just a tired as the rest of us. Jade and I shrugged, which the was followed by the three of us looking to Sam. In all of this, I felt the saddest for Sam. He was barely seventeen and he had all of us looking to him for guidance. How should he know what to do? But, Sam being Sam knew that we needed him and he took the role of family glue, if you will.

“Uhhhh. Let’s go head towards baggage claim. Maybe she’ll be there and if not, we’ll already have our bags.” We all knew what he was alluding to with that. The sooner we get our bags; the sooner we can get out of this fucking airport.

Taking Sam’s words as law, we all headed towards the baggage claim. The four of us stood out, I know this because of the looks people were giving us. Maybe they were wondering what we were doing walking the airport alone. Maybe they were curing our parents for lack of supervision. Or maybe that’s just how people look at each other in this state. Who knows, honestly? “Hey.” Jade whispered to me. I looked over at him, pulling myself out of my thoughts. “Why haven’t we ever heard of her? I mean, did Mom ever tell you she had a sister? Much less that she would be our godmother?”

“I was as shocked as you were that we had an aunt. I don’t know, Jade.” I mumbled back. It was true though. Our mother never talked about our Aunt Carolyn and it was really shocking that we were to go live with her. But, I had high hopes. Honestly, there was no way down from here.

We rounded a corner and had arrived at the baggage claim. I looked around, not even knowing who I was looking for. Would she look like Mom? But, then I saw her and knew it was her. A portly woman with the face of our mother if she had a permanent scowl on her lips stood next to the baggage carousel that had been assigned to our flight. An intense feeling of dread mixed with anxiety washed over me. Maybe things could go even further down? “I think that’s her.” Sam murmured, the same feeling of worry was eminent in his voice. We slowly walked towards the woman, in case another family ran up to her. That didn’t happen. Instead it was confirmed that it was her.

“You must be my sister’s children.”

“Yes! It’s nice to meet you, Aunt Carolyn.” Sam said warmly with a smile, trying to melt her cold exterior.

“It’s a pleasure. Do you have all your things?” Aunt Carolyn didn’t seem like she was particularly mean. I began to vouch for her in my head. She did just find out that not only had her sister passed but she also left her in charge of the well being of her four children. And, since I had never met her, I can only assume that they didn’t talk or visit for a reason.

“We just have a few more bags coming through now.” Same replied as he motioned for us to go get our bags. Aunt Carolyn stayed behind while we went to gather our bags. Sam then ushered us together. “Listen. Aunt Carolyn isn’t Mom and Dad. We have to understand that. She’s probably used to living alone and she doesn’t have kids. So, this is all new. For all of us. We have to be sensitive. We aren’t the only ones who have lost someone.”

Us McAllister’s are all good at something. Greg is an amazing debater; he could always get his curfew extended by at least two hours. Jade is great at math and science. I usually do his English homework while he does my Math and Science. I’m pretty good at writing. Sam, on the other hand, is good at reading people. He’s good at helping people and understanding things that other people would just overlook about someone. And like most instances, Sam was right about Aunt Carolyn. I noticed when we got back to her with our things and she took the things that I couldn’t carry because my hands were already too full. Sometimes, it’s the little things that show you who a person is underneath.

“I’m parked right outside in the curb pickup.” She said as she led us out the doors and to her car. Her car was just big enough to fit the five of us and our luggage. It wasn’t big enough for us to move, breathe, or think once we were all in position though. “I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t expect this to happen. Honestly, I was surprised that I was even your godmother. You know, because of the fight.” She started the car and began to drive away from the airport.

“Fight?” Greg asked, voicing the confusion we all were feeling.

“Yeah,” she began, turning onto the interstate, “we had a huge fight right before she moved to LA with her boyfriend. I didn’t like him. I thought he was no good and was not gonna do anything with his life. But, I guess I was wrong. I mean, he did father you four. I didn’t think it would last, but I am glad it did. All I wanted was for her to be happy.”

“Wow. That explains a lot. Well, thank you for taking us in. We really appreciate it.” Greg responded after a beat.

“It’s the least I can do. She may be gone but I can still make things right.” She said as she smiled in the rear view mirror at those of us in the back. That signaled to us that she was done talking about that. We rode for about another ten minutes before exiting the interstate. We passed by some businesses and neighborhoods before finally turning into one. It was a little grimy and bleak but it seemed nice. It was filled with townhomes that looked almost exactly a like. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but it’s home.” Aunt Carolyn said from the front. I could tell she was nervous what we thought, I mean a lot of people think that LA is all glamour. We did live in a nice area but it wasn’t like we live in the Hollywood hills or anything.

We soon pulled into a drive way that belonged to a nice yellow townhouse that had a nice rose garden. We climbed out of the car and stretched a little bit. It wasn’t a long ride, but in those cramped conditions it was long enough. We unloaded our luggage and headed towards the house. As we did this, I smelt the familiar smell of nicotine and tobacco. I hadn’t had a cigarette in nearly a week and I was dying. I looked around to see where it was coming from and soon found its owner. Right across the street from us where two boys, one shorter and the other taller and lankier. The shorter one had the cigarette in his hand as he leafed through what looked like a MAD Magazine. The taller one was reading a comic book while listening to his discman. I wanted to go talk to them, they seemed like the type of guys my brothers and myself would want to be friends with. But, instead I was ushered inside with promise of dinner. I made a promise to myself that I would go talk to those boys after dinner if they were still outside.