Status: If you are the one I'm talking about and reading this, then I'm sure you know what to do
Raya, Combined With Confusion
I'm sick of everything
It’s like I’m stuck in a fucking loop.
This is me, the one who wants nothing to do with everything around him, I care a lot about some people and try my best to make “memories” with them, ones we could just laugh at or smile about later on, but then I just get this fucking disgusting feeling that I’m not really going to do it.
I’m not a pessimist, I do a lot even though I know there’s absolutely no point to it, here’s the thing..
There is me, sitting down the sofa and using my laptop to type this shit
Raya is sitting right next to me, facing away, never looking at me, never talking to me because I tried to prevent a serious issue from happening
He is sitting right behind her, giving her massages behind everyone else’s back.
He goes to make dinner and Lama (who has a crush on me) goes with him and make dinner together.
Raya gets absolutely jealous, she probably likes him so much that she just got jealous… But then again, she already told me she doesn’t like jealousy, she knows that everyone will get jealous with her attitude with other guys, so she doesn’t want “jealousy” in a relationship, but still she’s getting jealous just by seeing them talk and laugh together.
I know right well that I’m being used for whatever reason she wants me for, but then again, I’m just another person in this room, I immediately know what’s going on, I can feel everything.
She gets wet when I touch her (and she said it), but I’m pretty sure that the same happens when he’s around.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been blind to this, but when you take the girl’s word for granted, this is what you get. Raya has always said that there’s not a single person in her life, but then she goes around and does all those crazy shit with people around her.
She told me that she’s gonna hurt me and I knew it right well, but I didn’t really care, I knew I could bear it if it’s just not related to this kind of situation…
I know that this is as fucked up as it would ever get, I’m staying up with them for an all nighter and it’s 11:30 pm and I’m getting really sick of everything.
Even watching a movie doesn’t feel like anything fun that would happen.
I’d try hard and I said I would, I said I’d help her forget everything about her past, but then again, she has to tell me about what’s going on in her head or in her life.
I don’t know if I’m ever going to talk to her again, but I mean, this is a really childish way of solving this kind of problem.
She knew I’m feeling like shit when he came by, and she’s staring at me now trying to figure out what’s going on, but I’m not really that much of a talking type.
He keeps leaning on her, and she would just lay down on his leg.
What kind of fucking idiot am I?
What am I trying to get from this? She asked me yesterday “what do you want from me?” and I just didn’t say anything, I said that I just want to keep you with me forever. It sounds like this has ensured her a really stable relationship type that she would just mess around and then come back whenever she wants.
I have no idea what I’m going to do.
I’m like, trying to figure out her movements some how.. When he came back to watch the football game, she dropped her phone and paid attention, they’re talking, and she just wants to be there with him, they’re laughing although nothing’s funny about a fucking football game.
She’s not trying to get me annoyed, she’s hot for him, I can see that…
Why am I even still trying? yeah, I don’t even know that myself, I guess I’m just fucking disposable….
Fuck you for everything that you’ve done, I guess I made the wrong choice and tried to get some of my heart out to someone who would actually care, but seems like she doesn’t even intend to.
Fuck chances, I can’t believe that I even asked her for a “chance” to win her heart..
This is me, the one who wants nothing to do with everything around him, I care a lot about some people and try my best to make “memories” with them, ones we could just laugh at or smile about later on, but then I just get this fucking disgusting feeling that I’m not really going to do it.
I’m not a pessimist, I do a lot even though I know there’s absolutely no point to it, here’s the thing..
There is me, sitting down the sofa and using my laptop to type this shit
Raya is sitting right next to me, facing away, never looking at me, never talking to me because I tried to prevent a serious issue from happening
He is sitting right behind her, giving her massages behind everyone else’s back.
He goes to make dinner and Lama (who has a crush on me) goes with him and make dinner together.
Raya gets absolutely jealous, she probably likes him so much that she just got jealous… But then again, she already told me she doesn’t like jealousy, she knows that everyone will get jealous with her attitude with other guys, so she doesn’t want “jealousy” in a relationship, but still she’s getting jealous just by seeing them talk and laugh together.
I know right well that I’m being used for whatever reason she wants me for, but then again, I’m just another person in this room, I immediately know what’s going on, I can feel everything.
She gets wet when I touch her (and she said it), but I’m pretty sure that the same happens when he’s around.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been blind to this, but when you take the girl’s word for granted, this is what you get. Raya has always said that there’s not a single person in her life, but then she goes around and does all those crazy shit with people around her.
She told me that she’s gonna hurt me and I knew it right well, but I didn’t really care, I knew I could bear it if it’s just not related to this kind of situation…
I know that this is as fucked up as it would ever get, I’m staying up with them for an all nighter and it’s 11:30 pm and I’m getting really sick of everything.
Even watching a movie doesn’t feel like anything fun that would happen.
I’d try hard and I said I would, I said I’d help her forget everything about her past, but then again, she has to tell me about what’s going on in her head or in her life.
I don’t know if I’m ever going to talk to her again, but I mean, this is a really childish way of solving this kind of problem.
She knew I’m feeling like shit when he came by, and she’s staring at me now trying to figure out what’s going on, but I’m not really that much of a talking type.
He keeps leaning on her, and she would just lay down on his leg.
What kind of fucking idiot am I?
What am I trying to get from this? She asked me yesterday “what do you want from me?” and I just didn’t say anything, I said that I just want to keep you with me forever. It sounds like this has ensured her a really stable relationship type that she would just mess around and then come back whenever she wants.
I have no idea what I’m going to do.
I’m like, trying to figure out her movements some how.. When he came back to watch the football game, she dropped her phone and paid attention, they’re talking, and she just wants to be there with him, they’re laughing although nothing’s funny about a fucking football game.
She’s not trying to get me annoyed, she’s hot for him, I can see that…
Why am I even still trying? yeah, I don’t even know that myself, I guess I’m just fucking disposable….
Fuck you for everything that you’ve done, I guess I made the wrong choice and tried to get some of my heart out to someone who would actually care, but seems like she doesn’t even intend to.
Fuck chances, I can’t believe that I even asked her for a “chance” to win her heart..