Status: If you are the one I'm talking about and reading this, then I'm sure you know what to do
Raya, Combined With Confusion
Chapter 13
This is me, sitting in the room she prepared, we were looking at photos of her ex's and her past and everything that has happened with her, I kind of dislike seeing her with other guys, but she just looks so fucking happy with them, so energetic, so full of life and so carefree.
I sometimes wonder if I could really make her this happy, if she actually thinks that I'm enough to bring her back to life, she's really the most beautiful, strong and amazing person I've ever known and I'd never get..
She's so close to me, only 4 inches between the two of us, but I still can't touch her, or even attempt to.
I always think of my actions before I do them, think of the other person's reactions before attempting to do anything, especially when it's a person I really care about, a person I honestly don't want to lose.
I've spent my entire life fucking around with girl's hearts, giving them 'pleasure' in any form they want, I've always been the dominating side of the relationship, the person whose requests and orders are always met and obeyed, the person whose jealousy never got anywhere because I knew right well that I can do better and I can make them feel better, and I can prove everything considering I never lie about anything...
But Raya, she's the most opposite of those, she's independent, she's dominating and does what she wants to do, no one can have any kind of authority on her, she doesn't feel anything when it comes to things she wants to be done, she hates orders and doesn't fulfill anything she's asked to.
Even sitting right beside her, and us being alone, I really want to kiss her.. but when I know I really am a tiny bit close to doing that, I back off and sit myself up and change my sitting position so as to shake the thoughts because I know right well that she's going to refuse.
Throughout those two nights, we basically talked about everything, she knew right well that I wanted to do something and she kept laughing and smiling and just I don't know, feeling "wanted" by someone really gives that kind of emotion?
I lost sense of being wanted ever since I moved here, ever since all the girls I used to be with were gone, ever since I started my job, all I could care about was work, but then again, there's Raya..
Do I really want her to "want" me?
Do I want her to do something she doesn't feel like doing?
Do I want her to be there when I need her? To kiss her? to do anything with her?
I honestly don't have any idea,
Just being with her makes me happy,
even if she's thinking of someone else, even if she's talking to someone else at the same moment... It honestly hurts like a fucking bitch and I hate it, but just having her next to me, shining her energy in the room and laughing around with anyone really is a trigger of happiness for me..
I don't know what this is, is it love? I wouldn't know..
but I do know that I want her in my life forever, even if I wasn't the one she's "with"
I'll get jealous all the time
but just having her there makes me "alive".
I sometimes wonder if I could really make her this happy, if she actually thinks that I'm enough to bring her back to life, she's really the most beautiful, strong and amazing person I've ever known and I'd never get..
She's so close to me, only 4 inches between the two of us, but I still can't touch her, or even attempt to.
I always think of my actions before I do them, think of the other person's reactions before attempting to do anything, especially when it's a person I really care about, a person I honestly don't want to lose.
I've spent my entire life fucking around with girl's hearts, giving them 'pleasure' in any form they want, I've always been the dominating side of the relationship, the person whose requests and orders are always met and obeyed, the person whose jealousy never got anywhere because I knew right well that I can do better and I can make them feel better, and I can prove everything considering I never lie about anything...
But Raya, she's the most opposite of those, she's independent, she's dominating and does what she wants to do, no one can have any kind of authority on her, she doesn't feel anything when it comes to things she wants to be done, she hates orders and doesn't fulfill anything she's asked to.
Even sitting right beside her, and us being alone, I really want to kiss her.. but when I know I really am a tiny bit close to doing that, I back off and sit myself up and change my sitting position so as to shake the thoughts because I know right well that she's going to refuse.
Throughout those two nights, we basically talked about everything, she knew right well that I wanted to do something and she kept laughing and smiling and just I don't know, feeling "wanted" by someone really gives that kind of emotion?
I lost sense of being wanted ever since I moved here, ever since all the girls I used to be with were gone, ever since I started my job, all I could care about was work, but then again, there's Raya..
Do I really want her to "want" me?
Do I want her to do something she doesn't feel like doing?
Do I want her to be there when I need her? To kiss her? to do anything with her?
I honestly don't have any idea,
Just being with her makes me happy,
even if she's thinking of someone else, even if she's talking to someone else at the same moment... It honestly hurts like a fucking bitch and I hate it, but just having her next to me, shining her energy in the room and laughing around with anyone really is a trigger of happiness for me..
I don't know what this is, is it love? I wouldn't know..
but I do know that I want her in my life forever, even if I wasn't the one she's "with"
I'll get jealous all the time
but just having her there makes me "alive".