Raya, Combined With Confusion

No, according to society's beauty standards, you're not as beautiful as beauty models around the TV, you're not as tempting as all the girls who have been in my life or tried to come into my life, you're probably not the right girl for me, you'll probably spoil me, you'll revert me to a kid, a kid who does everything he should never do.
No, I'm not the right one for you either, I'm the most stupid jerk around, I'm the most fucked up person alive, I'm a criminal, a psychopath, a fucking idiot when it comes to the things I want.
Yes, we'll have so many fights. Yes, I'll do a lot of mistakes, a lot of false moves and a lot of stupid actions.
We'll go through the worst ever, you'll hate me for days and think you want to just get rid of me for more days.
But this shouldn't stop me, this is only going to be the beginning, we'll have to deal with everything together, I'm never willing to give up on you and I'm sure as hell you don't care enough to have that desire of your own self. I know that you'll spend more time with other guys than with me, I know you'll probably fall in love with a guy who has a much more perfect personality than mine, a guy who YOU would want, whom you'll be too happy with, a person who would make you forget all your previous mistakes and all the previous guys who had fallen in love with you.
But then again, up until that day, I'll try my best to stay by your side, you're not ever going to be upset, you're not going to cry again over a person who didn't give you as much attention as you deserve. I'll try my best to wipe out all his memories, all the terrible things he's done to you, even if I had to kill him with my own hands.
I'm going to make all the sad memories of him, funny and happy memories of us together, I'd be as stupid as I need to be in order to make you laugh, I'll do everything in my power to make everything right again.
I'd die for your smile to come back again, I'd screw my life up everyday for the rest of my life waiting for you hopelessly. I know that you wont be mine, I know that you have never and will never think of being with me, but I never break a promise. I'm not like them, I'll never break your heart, even though we're not together.
I'll fight for you, I'll fix you if you're broken, I'll pick up the pieces...
You promised you'd give me a chance, just yesterday you said that "if you want me to be yours, don't let anyone else near me" while you were drunk. I've known you for 3 months and I've never ever done anything against your will.
I wish I could make you "mine" but I can't, I wish I could reserve you for myself, but you don't want that.
You live a life of independence, a life of free will, a life in which you're happy with what you do, even if it hurt afterwards, but you're taking the moment, living the moment, being happy at the moment.
And I'm not going to change that for myself, I'm not willing to ask for you to stop unless you wanted to, but please, don't distance me from you, don't make me a second priority after another, don't make me cry for you when we're together because you're thinking of another guy.
Don't make my love a waste, I know I'll love someone else (in the too fucking far future) if you're not going to be with me, but that's only because my love can replenish and get revived.
The only difference between us is that you believe you've wasted your love on someone who you thought deserved it, but he didn't.
Me? I know right well it's not a waste, I know that you're deserving of everything I'm willing to provide.
I love you with every bit of my stupid beating heart, and that's never going to change, not even if you deleted me from your life, not even if you fucked me up and left me hanging, I've been hanging for enough time to make me used to it.
I'll never ever going to give up on you.
Wish me death if you wanted this to vanish.