Master of Sardonic Wit

October 2 2001

Lindsey couldn't help but feel uncomfortable in the black knee length dress her friend had borrowed her for the night. She had claimed that since it was the opening night for their small little art show in downtown New York, Lindsey had to dress up. Something that Lindsey hadn’t agreed with at first but when she heard how many people had responded to their invitation, she had pushed her annoyance to the back and wore the dress anyway.

It showed off her legs perfectly with the heels her friend had forced in her hands too, her leg tattoo was nicely covered by the black fabric of her dress but her sleeve and other small tattoo's over her arms were completely to be seen.

She sighed and twirled around in front of her mirror to see if everything was alright, her long black hair was in a loose ponytail and she barely wore any make up but she still found herself look nice.

Deciding to walk to the small art venue wasn't the smartest idea she had that night, since her feet ached the moment she took a long walk in them. Lindsey bit through the pain however, smiling at the people already entering the small building and nodding in greeting to her friend.

Making small talk, Lindsey greeted some of the guests in the mean time, trying to keep her mind away from her poor aching feet. She still wasn't used to wearing heels as she didn't do it often, she preferred to wear sneakers.

"Miss Ballato?"

"Please, call me Lindsey," she smiled, shaking the man's hand that then proceeded to kiss her knuckles, "can I help you?"

"You certainly brightened up my evening already miss," the man said, glancing up amused at Lindsey who only managed to raise an eyebrow at him, wondering what he was going to say next to flatter her.

"Are you going to continue flattering me in the hopes that I'll be amused or will you actually amuse me by telling me what you're doing here?"

"Straight to the point, I like that in a woman," the man nodded, "the reason I'm here is because I'm representing the band called 'Mindless Self Indulgence', I'm not sure if you ever heard of them...?"

"Not that I can say," Lindsey frowned, crossing her arms in front of her chest and waiting for the man to continue, he had intrigued her now and she was going to see this conversation to the end without interruptions.

"I brought you their latest CD just in case; you might want to give it a listen once you have the chance. Now, I'm here because I heard you're an excellent bass player, and the band is just in need of a new one, why don't you come down and audition for us my dear?"

Lindsey looked down at the cover of the CD in her hands and immediately recognized the artwork of one of her favourite artists. Her eyes widened slightly as her fingertips traced over the plastic covering the booklet. She nodded, not really knowing what she just agreed to but it had to be good if the band could have such great art as their album cover.

"Great, we'll see you at the try-outs in 3 days, surprisingly, it's right here in this building, third floor so it won't be that hard to find now will it?" the man smiled and gave Lindsey's knuckles another kiss before he departed with a friendly goodbye.

She blinked and tried to come back with her mind to reality as she stood there in the middle of the room with the CD in her hands and her mouth slightly open. She knew she received several weird stares directed at her but right now, she didn't really care. She had an audition to practice for because she wasn't so sure that she was as talented as the man thought she was. Actually, she was pretty sure that she wasn't.

The moment she got home that night, she put the CD in the player stationed in her living room and gave it a listen. She had to admit, the cover was great so she really hoped the rest of the CD would also be great. But was she disappointed when she heard the first song, it was only a few minutes long but it was enough to give her a raging headache and shut down the CD player. Sighing, Lindsey shook her head, whispering to herself that she had expected better from the band that she had adored a few minutes ago before laying down on her couch and staring up at the ceiling.

“God I need a painkiller, stupid CD,” she grumbled as she heaved herself up from the couch and stalked over to her medicine cabinet where she immediately grabbed one of the painkillers and swallowed it dry.

She had a lot of practicing ahead of her if she wanted to get this audition just right. But a part of her feared that she wasn't even going to make the cut, was she even good enough to play in a band. Besides that, was it even a smart idea to audition for a band that she didn't even like? Lindsey bit her lip and shook her head out of her thoughts, deciding that she should just sleep over it and then decide in the morning what she was going to do.

October 9 2001

“Hey Sean! How does it feel to be finally classified as an old dude!?”

“Fuck you!” Sean laughed back to Pedro who raised a glass as salute.

The party was loud, noisy, and small but Chantal just had the best time of her life right now. Together with her friend Pedro, she was invited to the birthday party of Sean Lennon and the moment she had arrived, she knew that this arty was going to be one of the best.

And she had been right all along. Even though Sean had decided to just incorporate childish games into the night, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves with the games they played as a child and even participated more than once, something that Chantal really enjoyed because it only lifted up the whole spirit of the party.

The thing was, she was really nervous right now since Sean had clearly gotten the idea to organize a little thing called a karaoke match between the guests and god knows Chantal wasn't one to just get up and sing. But she was going to try it anyway, you never know what fun you might have doing it.

Grabbing the microphone and glancing at Pedro who nodded in encouragement, Chantal nodded back, pursed her lips together and climbed on the little stage that Sean had clearly gotten in the room although Chantal had no idea how he had done that. She took a deep breath and chose the song she was going to sing, trying to calm don her nerves and trying not to look like a complete blushing fool when people were all looking up to her from their seats.

She was used to talking to people randomly because of her many jobs she had over the years but she still couldn't handle just standing in front of big crowds like this. Even though this was hardly a big crowd and there were basically all friends of her or Pedro.

The song she chose was a relatively easy song, yet, she couldn't get the notes right the first few seconds, which only made her more nervous as Pedro was smiling mischievous at her and nodding to her to continue. She took a deep breath during one of the small breaks the song had and then gave it her best shot, closing her eyes and just getting into the mood of the song.

Chantal let the music flow through her while her vocal chords sang the words the best they could and the loudest too. She was sure she topped the cheers in the room that suddenly emerged from everyone but pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind as she just kept on singing with her eyes closed. Her hips started swaying to the beat of the song as she slowly starting dancing, a smirk on her lips.

Once the song ended, Chantal quickly stepped off the stage and gulped down an entire glass of water, ignoring the chuckle coming from Pedro who appeared behind her.

“That was quite the show Chantal.”

“Don’t make me do that ever again, please,” Chantal sighed before she turned around and faced Pedro who was suddenly pouting.

“Fine, spoil my brilliant idea then why don’t you?”

“You had a brilliant idea?” Chantal raised an eyebrow, “wait here for a moment while I call James to see if he suddenly took over the world.”

“Sarcasm will get you nowhere Chantal,” Pedro rolled his eyes but he couldn’t hide the amusement written all over his face.

“Don’t let James hear you say that.”

“I’m not afraid of your boy toy Chantal,” Pedro smirked, “now about that brilliant idea here.”

“Again, did James suddenly take over the world or have you been taken over by a space alien?”

“More like Dr. Strange took over my body but let’s get serious here shall we?” Pedro grinned and pushed Chantal down on her seat at their shared table before he leaned his elbows on the table and started explaining what exactly he had in mind. The hand movements and the excitement written all over his face was enough for Chantal to be actually interested in what he was saying.

“You want me to sing in a band?”

“No, I want you to strip for me, pay attention here.”

“I’m not going to sing in your band Pedro,” Chantal sighed, she had hoped this would be a good idea for once but again, Pedro had been bragging too much about this brilliant idea of his.

“Oh come on! You have an amazing voice Chantal, humour me here and just try it?”

“Fine, but you better give me some really good lyrics to sing and don’t tell me what to do exactly. I’m doing my own thing up there whether you like it or not.”

“As long as you don’t end up like James, I’m good with everything you do.”

“There goes my plan to steal his ideas,” Chantal pouted.
__

“No no no no, that’s just a silly name.”

“It’s a great name for a band Chantal!”

“It’s silly,” Chantal waved the idea away with her hand and looked smug. It wasn’t like she had any better ideas of how to name the band she was starting with Pedro but she had too much alcohol going through her body right now to even think straight. If they went on at this rate, their band would have a really weird name like the fluffy bunnies or something. Now that was a band she would listen to.

“How many drinks did you have again?”

“Not enough, where’s the vodka?” Chantal giggled, trying to find more to drink but since they were walking home, she couldn’t find any. Pedro chuckled himself, being a bit light in the head never hurt anybody although he did worry for Chantal right now.

“In Russia, it ran away from you.”

“What sort of blasphemy is this? I do not agree with that vodka and it should return to me instantly!”

“You are so drunk,” Pedro slurred as he leaned against one of the buildings and grinned at Chantal who pursed her lips together and clenched her stomach as if she was keeping in a massive amount of giggles.

“I’m not drunk, I’m tipsy!”

“It’s the same thing!” Pedro waved his arms around, not really sure why he did it but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

“Nu-huh!”

“Ya-huh!”

“Nu-huh!”

“Ya-huh!”

“Will you to shut up already?! People are trying to sleep here!” a man from above said, making both of them laugh out loud and fall down so they were sitting on the dirty pavement. They didn’t really care though, they were too caught up in their laughter and random mindset to even pay attention to what the man was saying.

“Still cleaning his ass with that stick, I see.”

Pedro couldn’t help but bark out in laughter as Chantal smirked and laid down on the pavement completely, not really minding how dirty it was or how bad it really was to her hair, she was starting to get really tired and right now, the pavement was just the place to crash.

“Glad to see your drunkness hasn't improved your manners.”

“The only possible way to fix this deep and terrible circumstance is to trade insults over a decanter of scotch. What do you say?”

“You need sleep,” Pedro heaved himself up and then tried to heave Chantal up who didn’t even try to do something and just let her be dragged up by Pedro who almost fell over his own feet in his drunken stupor.

“Golly gee I must be losing it,” Chantal giggled, “that was James up there.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“Yeah-huh it was.”

“Nuh-uh, it wasn’t!” Pedro replied in a sing song voice.

“Oh pish posh, I’m saying it was,” Chantal grinned up at him, “Hey Jamesycakes!” she shouted up and waved to the man that had already closed his window again and was probably trying to sleep.

“Chantiecakes,” James whined from upstairs, and surely enough, it was the same man as before, “I’m horny, come upstairs and fuck me already!”

“Screw you!”

“I’m too tired to do it myself!”

“You two have issues,” Pedro muttered, shaking his head as he watched his two friends shout at each other and wondering how they could even hear each other since Chantal was all the way down here and James, well he was all the way up there.

“Tell me about it,” Chantal muttered to him, “Well then get Mr. Fantastic to help you!”

“He won’t pick up the phone!” James whined back.

“Psht, asshole.”