Status: DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
Master of Sardonic Wit
9.
August 3 1994
It wasn't the first time James called his mother, they had some contact every now and then but that was about it. He hadn't seen her yet, except on the pictures that Mark had showed him of them being younger and sitting at the table with their mother, James' mouth already red from the spaghetti sauce.
Right now he was waiting for his mother, or father, to pick up the phone. He had already let it ring 5 times but still no answer. Hanging up, James knew that he was about to hear the voice mail and he wasn't quite feeling like it at that moment. He would call them back later, perhaps in a few minutes, or half an hour, depended on what he would be doing after putting down the phone where it usually was.
“They didn't pick up?” Kayleigh frowned at James as she entered the living room with a huge basket of laundry and placing it on the table.
“Not really, you need help with that?”James pointed to the basket of laundry that needed to be foulded and walked over to Kayleigh who nodded before emptying the basket all over the round table and starting to fold up the different towels and items of clothing.
“You should go to Jersey and visit them again James, they'll be happy to see you, you can go with Mark,” Kayleigh pointed out as she folded up one of the towels and laid it aside before taking another one. James sighed and shrugged, taking one of his shirts and folding it himself, not really saying something back to Kayleigh.
“You're not afraid to go to your parents are you?” Kayleigh looked up from the laundry and looked at James with her eyes wide open. James' head shot up and he quickly shook it at her, proving her wrong.
“I just, I don't know,” James shrugged after a few seconds, “I'll think about it.”
“Sure,” Kayleigh nodded, smiling a little at James before putting her attention back to the folding.
“I'll talk about it with Mark,” James said after a few minutes of silence between them.
“What do you want for dinner this evening?” Kayleigh asked, putting the folded towels and clothing back in the basket before letting it rest on her hip and holding it so it wouldn't fall over.
“Perhaps pasta?”
“Pizza, spaghetti or lasagna?”
“Pizza, with pepperoni please,” James smiled at Kayleigh before giving her a kiss on the cheek, “and invite Steve over while you're at it.”
“He was going to come over anyway, don't forget to call Chantal and inform her about the pizza fest here tonight.”
“I won't!” James yelled back at Kayleigh who walked away from him with the basket of laundry.
“Hey Kayleigh! What pizza do you want?”
“One with cheese and no pepperoni!”
Later down the evening, Steve, Kayleigh, Chantal and James himself were all installed in front of the television, watching a movie that James rented. However, he had refused to tell anyone which movie he had rented and had them in anticipation until the pizza arrived. Steve tried to sneak peek several times but was always caught by James, much to his dismay.
“Aw come on Jimmy, just tell us which movie you rented, then you can stop hiding it under your shirt, which sucks actually because everyone can see the DVD box under that shirt of yours, you skinny bitch.”
“I love you too Steve,” James said dry before turning around and refusing to face Steve.
“James, darling, the pizza won't be here for another 15 minutes, I mean, we just called them to bring it so just give in already and show us the damn movie!” Chantal complained, sitting on her knees on the couch and looking at James' back.
“If you don't give that DVD to us right now I'm going to fucking take the hairgel and torture your hair so you'll have to give it!” Kayleigh threatened, sitting on Steve's lap.
“I'm not stopping you,” James smirked, sitting down on the kitchen table instead of the couch where the three others were sitting at that moment.
“Alright, Steve, you keep him down, Chantal, you take the dvd and I'll go get that hair gel I bought,” Kayleigh nodded before running towards the bathroom, leaving James alone in the mercy of his girlfriend and best friend.
“Uhm, what if I give you two the DVD and you leave me the heck alone???”
“You should've thought of that sooner darling,” Chantal smirked, coming up behind James who had jumped off the table. Her hands sneaked under his bright pink shirt and grabbed the dvd, that James had still wrapped in the plastic bag it came with.
“Damn you woman! Give me that DVD back!”
“Hey! He brought fucking Batman! Damn it James! I knew you had good taste in movies!”
Hearing the doorbell ring, James quickly stopped chasing Chantal and ran to open it, hoping it would be the pizza.
“Oh it's you,” was the first thing James said when he opened the door and saw Mark standing there with a smirk on his lips.
“Did I hear something up here about ruining my brother's hair?”
“Oh good Mark, come join the party,” Kayleigh smiled at Mark as she walked back into the living room with a pot of hair gel in her hand, smiling at him, “help us keep this dude here down will you?”
Tackling James to the ground, both Mark and Steve smirked and high-fived each other while James was moving under them, trying to get loose from their grip, yelling some curse words on the top of his lungs.
“I swear to god! If I can't get that stuff out of my hair! I'm going to kill you!”
Kayleigh frowned and looked at the bottle, “waterproof gel...oops.”
“Who cares, just get on with it already!” Steve whined, looking at Kayleigh who nodded and gave him a peck on the lips before squirting some gel on her hand and starting to mess with James' hair while Chantal looked from a safe distance.
“You know, even from a safe distance away, those spikes really look good,” Chantal said, looking up from her nails for a moment and shooting a glance at James who was still trying to get loose from Steve's and Mark's grip on him while Kayleigh kept putting gel in his hair. Taking a step back, Kayleigh looked at James laying on the floor with his hair spiked up in high spikes. Nodding to herself in satisfaction, she gave the sign for Mark and Steve to let him go before she took a sprint towards the bathroom, knowing that James would chase her.
Within the few seconds that the two men let go of James, he had already jumped up and ran after Kayleigh towards the bathroom, yelling at her and waving his fist in the air as the girl just ran away from him with a high pitched giggle.
“But you look good!” Kayleigh tried to defense herself as she was cornered by James in the bathroom, she quickly pointed to the mirror to let James see his own reflection and hoped that he would agree with her.
“I look like I have a fucking porcupine on the top of my head!” James yelled, pointing at his hair.
“But, its a nice porcupine, it makes you look even more pretty, younger now that I come to think of it,” Kayleigh noted, pointing her finger at James who still looked shocked at himself and his hair in the mirror. Sighing, James just threw his hands up in the air and walked out of the bathroom. Just as he walked into the living room, where Steve, Mark and Chantal were already setting up the movie, the doorbell rang.
“Must be the pizza,” he muttered to himself before opening the door, momentarily forgetting that his hair was resembling a porcupine and scaring the pizza boy who looked shocked at the hair.
“I didn't do it, the chicks in here did it, now give me the damn pziza,” James rolled his eyes, smiling a bit and paying for the pizza before closing the door again.
“See what you make me do! You made me scare the poor pizza boy!”
“Oh shut up and come watch the movie with us,” Chantal said, looking up from the video recorder where she was looking into how to start the video, “and come fix this thing before I do something stupid.”
“I hate you,” James glared at Kayleigh who just started laughing and had to clutch her sides.
“I can't take you serious anymore with hair like that!”
August 15 1994
“Jimmy darling you should so come over, I haven't seen you in ages!” Celia Euringer was a loving mother, but James hated the fact that she called him Jimmy every time she called, it was bad enough Steve called him Jimmy from time to time.
“How hard is it to get on that ferry and get your ass over to New Jersey, honestly Jimmy.”
“I'll look into it alright ma'?” James sighed, wondering if he should actually go or not.
“Alright but call me if you get on the boat so your dad can come and pick you up!” Celia said quickly, hoping that her son wouldn't hang up just yet.
“Ma, I can drive my own car you know,” James informed her.
“Oh just let your dad come pick you up for god's sake Jimmy,” Celia was probably rolling her eyes at her son at that moment and about to scold at him but thankfully, Mark was smart enough to take the phone from his brother and start talking to his mother instead.
“Don't worry ma, we'll take the ferry of 2 pm alright? Just make sure dad is there to pick us up,” Mark smirked at James who looked shocked at his brother before sighing and falling backwards on the couch, knowing he couldn't win anyway.
“Alright, see you then, love you too ma,” Mark nodded and then hung up, smirking at his brother who glared at him.
“Why did you just do that?”
“Because ma and pa miss you you asshole, now go get dressed, you got an hour before we got to take the ferry,” Mark said before walking to the kitchen and leaving James alone in the living room.
Just an hour later, James and Mark were both on a ferry towards New Jersey, James was pouting and wondering how it all happened while Mark was clearly enjoying the fact that he was just annoying his brother by dragging him to their parents.
“How long does this take?” James asked his brother and briefly adverting his gaze away from New York in the distance.
“Not long.”
“How long is 'not long'?”
“More than a bit, less than a while. “
“Have I told you already that I hate you right now?”
All Mark did to that was smirk and close his eyes again, ignoring his brother and clearly enjoying the little bit of sun he had from where he was sitting. A good 20 minutes later, the two brothers Euringer stepped off the ferry, James slightly paler than when they left but still feeling well enough to glare at his brother.
“I can't believe you just got me on a boat!” James threw his arms in the air as Mark just ignored him and walked ahead, “do you have any idea how much I hate boats?”
“You love boats,” Mark noted, rolling his eyes and looking at his brother over his shoulder, “you even have a collection of toy boats at home.”
“Well from now on I hate them,” James muttered under his breath before he was pulled into a hug by an older lady.
“Oh Jimmy, my baby!”
“Ma,” Mark said on the background, “let him go already, I think he's still a bit nauseous from the boat.”
“I'm not nauseous! I just feel like puking,” James noted as he was let go by the older lady who patted his cheek and looked at him lovingly.
“You haven't changed a bit you,” Celia muttered as she looked at her youngest son, “you need a bath though young man, your hair is all sticky.”
“That's not my fault ma!” James said defensive, “it was that brother of mine with a few friends of us.”
Celia Euringer sighed and shook her head at her son before winking at Mark and dragging the two men towards the car where an older man was sitting and waiting for his wife to come back with his two sons.
“Hi pa,” Mark chuckled and high-fived his father as he got in the car. James blinked several times and then was pushed in the car by his mother, much to his own annoyance.
“Dear god, James you haven't changed one bit,” the man at the wheel said, looking in his rear mirror at James sitting in the back, clearly a little uncomfortable.
“Well I guess that's normal, I mean, I didn't do any plastic surgery did I?”
“Well I did think about letting the doctors do that to you while you were in the coma, just to make sure you had a prettier face when you woke up but ma stopped me.”
“Oh stop it you two,” Celia rolled her eyes, silently, James thanked his mother for handling the situation before it got worse.
“I prepared your favorite dish Jimmy darling.”
“Uh, that's nice ma,” James nodded, really wanting to get out of the car.
When they finally arrived at the Euringers household, James couldn't be more happy to get out of the car, where his brother and father had just started talking about James new project and his entrance into art school. His mother quickly dragged him out of the car and into the house before pushing him down on a wooden chair in the kitchen, telling him he looked a little too pale for her taste and that he looked coffee deprived. Handing him a cup, she smiled at him and patted his shoulder before leaving the kitchen again, yelling over her shoulder that she was going to search James' former artworks from when he was younger.
“She's just happy to see you again,” Mark entered the kitchen, taking a cup of coffee for himself and sitting on one of the other wooden chairs.
“I figured,” James nodded, taking a long sip from the coffee.
“Jimmy darling I found your boat collection!” his mother yelled from the living room, only resulting in James to groan, roll his eyes and put his head on the table, muttering some incoherent curses under his breath and the sentence that Mark recognized as “motherfucking boats”.
It wasn't the first time James called his mother, they had some contact every now and then but that was about it. He hadn't seen her yet, except on the pictures that Mark had showed him of them being younger and sitting at the table with their mother, James' mouth already red from the spaghetti sauce.
Right now he was waiting for his mother, or father, to pick up the phone. He had already let it ring 5 times but still no answer. Hanging up, James knew that he was about to hear the voice mail and he wasn't quite feeling like it at that moment. He would call them back later, perhaps in a few minutes, or half an hour, depended on what he would be doing after putting down the phone where it usually was.
“They didn't pick up?” Kayleigh frowned at James as she entered the living room with a huge basket of laundry and placing it on the table.
“Not really, you need help with that?”James pointed to the basket of laundry that needed to be foulded and walked over to Kayleigh who nodded before emptying the basket all over the round table and starting to fold up the different towels and items of clothing.
“You should go to Jersey and visit them again James, they'll be happy to see you, you can go with Mark,” Kayleigh pointed out as she folded up one of the towels and laid it aside before taking another one. James sighed and shrugged, taking one of his shirts and folding it himself, not really saying something back to Kayleigh.
“You're not afraid to go to your parents are you?” Kayleigh looked up from the laundry and looked at James with her eyes wide open. James' head shot up and he quickly shook it at her, proving her wrong.
“I just, I don't know,” James shrugged after a few seconds, “I'll think about it.”
“Sure,” Kayleigh nodded, smiling a little at James before putting her attention back to the folding.
“I'll talk about it with Mark,” James said after a few minutes of silence between them.
“What do you want for dinner this evening?” Kayleigh asked, putting the folded towels and clothing back in the basket before letting it rest on her hip and holding it so it wouldn't fall over.
“Perhaps pasta?”
“Pizza, spaghetti or lasagna?”
“Pizza, with pepperoni please,” James smiled at Kayleigh before giving her a kiss on the cheek, “and invite Steve over while you're at it.”
“He was going to come over anyway, don't forget to call Chantal and inform her about the pizza fest here tonight.”
“I won't!” James yelled back at Kayleigh who walked away from him with the basket of laundry.
“Hey Kayleigh! What pizza do you want?”
“One with cheese and no pepperoni!”
Later down the evening, Steve, Kayleigh, Chantal and James himself were all installed in front of the television, watching a movie that James rented. However, he had refused to tell anyone which movie he had rented and had them in anticipation until the pizza arrived. Steve tried to sneak peek several times but was always caught by James, much to his dismay.
“Aw come on Jimmy, just tell us which movie you rented, then you can stop hiding it under your shirt, which sucks actually because everyone can see the DVD box under that shirt of yours, you skinny bitch.”
“I love you too Steve,” James said dry before turning around and refusing to face Steve.
“James, darling, the pizza won't be here for another 15 minutes, I mean, we just called them to bring it so just give in already and show us the damn movie!” Chantal complained, sitting on her knees on the couch and looking at James' back.
“If you don't give that DVD to us right now I'm going to fucking take the hairgel and torture your hair so you'll have to give it!” Kayleigh threatened, sitting on Steve's lap.
“I'm not stopping you,” James smirked, sitting down on the kitchen table instead of the couch where the three others were sitting at that moment.
“Alright, Steve, you keep him down, Chantal, you take the dvd and I'll go get that hair gel I bought,” Kayleigh nodded before running towards the bathroom, leaving James alone in the mercy of his girlfriend and best friend.
“Uhm, what if I give you two the DVD and you leave me the heck alone???”
“You should've thought of that sooner darling,” Chantal smirked, coming up behind James who had jumped off the table. Her hands sneaked under his bright pink shirt and grabbed the dvd, that James had still wrapped in the plastic bag it came with.
“Damn you woman! Give me that DVD back!”
“Hey! He brought fucking Batman! Damn it James! I knew you had good taste in movies!”
Hearing the doorbell ring, James quickly stopped chasing Chantal and ran to open it, hoping it would be the pizza.
“Oh it's you,” was the first thing James said when he opened the door and saw Mark standing there with a smirk on his lips.
“Did I hear something up here about ruining my brother's hair?”
“Oh good Mark, come join the party,” Kayleigh smiled at Mark as she walked back into the living room with a pot of hair gel in her hand, smiling at him, “help us keep this dude here down will you?”
Tackling James to the ground, both Mark and Steve smirked and high-fived each other while James was moving under them, trying to get loose from their grip, yelling some curse words on the top of his lungs.
“I swear to god! If I can't get that stuff out of my hair! I'm going to kill you!”
Kayleigh frowned and looked at the bottle, “waterproof gel...oops.”
“Who cares, just get on with it already!” Steve whined, looking at Kayleigh who nodded and gave him a peck on the lips before squirting some gel on her hand and starting to mess with James' hair while Chantal looked from a safe distance.
“You know, even from a safe distance away, those spikes really look good,” Chantal said, looking up from her nails for a moment and shooting a glance at James who was still trying to get loose from Steve's and Mark's grip on him while Kayleigh kept putting gel in his hair. Taking a step back, Kayleigh looked at James laying on the floor with his hair spiked up in high spikes. Nodding to herself in satisfaction, she gave the sign for Mark and Steve to let him go before she took a sprint towards the bathroom, knowing that James would chase her.
Within the few seconds that the two men let go of James, he had already jumped up and ran after Kayleigh towards the bathroom, yelling at her and waving his fist in the air as the girl just ran away from him with a high pitched giggle.
“But you look good!” Kayleigh tried to defense herself as she was cornered by James in the bathroom, she quickly pointed to the mirror to let James see his own reflection and hoped that he would agree with her.
“I look like I have a fucking porcupine on the top of my head!” James yelled, pointing at his hair.
“But, its a nice porcupine, it makes you look even more pretty, younger now that I come to think of it,” Kayleigh noted, pointing her finger at James who still looked shocked at himself and his hair in the mirror. Sighing, James just threw his hands up in the air and walked out of the bathroom. Just as he walked into the living room, where Steve, Mark and Chantal were already setting up the movie, the doorbell rang.
“Must be the pizza,” he muttered to himself before opening the door, momentarily forgetting that his hair was resembling a porcupine and scaring the pizza boy who looked shocked at the hair.
“I didn't do it, the chicks in here did it, now give me the damn pziza,” James rolled his eyes, smiling a bit and paying for the pizza before closing the door again.
“See what you make me do! You made me scare the poor pizza boy!”
“Oh shut up and come watch the movie with us,” Chantal said, looking up from the video recorder where she was looking into how to start the video, “and come fix this thing before I do something stupid.”
“I hate you,” James glared at Kayleigh who just started laughing and had to clutch her sides.
“I can't take you serious anymore with hair like that!”
August 15 1994
“Jimmy darling you should so come over, I haven't seen you in ages!” Celia Euringer was a loving mother, but James hated the fact that she called him Jimmy every time she called, it was bad enough Steve called him Jimmy from time to time.
“How hard is it to get on that ferry and get your ass over to New Jersey, honestly Jimmy.”
“I'll look into it alright ma'?” James sighed, wondering if he should actually go or not.
“Alright but call me if you get on the boat so your dad can come and pick you up!” Celia said quickly, hoping that her son wouldn't hang up just yet.
“Ma, I can drive my own car you know,” James informed her.
“Oh just let your dad come pick you up for god's sake Jimmy,” Celia was probably rolling her eyes at her son at that moment and about to scold at him but thankfully, Mark was smart enough to take the phone from his brother and start talking to his mother instead.
“Don't worry ma, we'll take the ferry of 2 pm alright? Just make sure dad is there to pick us up,” Mark smirked at James who looked shocked at his brother before sighing and falling backwards on the couch, knowing he couldn't win anyway.
“Alright, see you then, love you too ma,” Mark nodded and then hung up, smirking at his brother who glared at him.
“Why did you just do that?”
“Because ma and pa miss you you asshole, now go get dressed, you got an hour before we got to take the ferry,” Mark said before walking to the kitchen and leaving James alone in the living room.
Just an hour later, James and Mark were both on a ferry towards New Jersey, James was pouting and wondering how it all happened while Mark was clearly enjoying the fact that he was just annoying his brother by dragging him to their parents.
“How long does this take?” James asked his brother and briefly adverting his gaze away from New York in the distance.
“Not long.”
“How long is 'not long'?”
“More than a bit, less than a while. “
“Have I told you already that I hate you right now?”
All Mark did to that was smirk and close his eyes again, ignoring his brother and clearly enjoying the little bit of sun he had from where he was sitting. A good 20 minutes later, the two brothers Euringer stepped off the ferry, James slightly paler than when they left but still feeling well enough to glare at his brother.
“I can't believe you just got me on a boat!” James threw his arms in the air as Mark just ignored him and walked ahead, “do you have any idea how much I hate boats?”
“You love boats,” Mark noted, rolling his eyes and looking at his brother over his shoulder, “you even have a collection of toy boats at home.”
“Well from now on I hate them,” James muttered under his breath before he was pulled into a hug by an older lady.
“Oh Jimmy, my baby!”
“Ma,” Mark said on the background, “let him go already, I think he's still a bit nauseous from the boat.”
“I'm not nauseous! I just feel like puking,” James noted as he was let go by the older lady who patted his cheek and looked at him lovingly.
“You haven't changed a bit you,” Celia muttered as she looked at her youngest son, “you need a bath though young man, your hair is all sticky.”
“That's not my fault ma!” James said defensive, “it was that brother of mine with a few friends of us.”
Celia Euringer sighed and shook her head at her son before winking at Mark and dragging the two men towards the car where an older man was sitting and waiting for his wife to come back with his two sons.
“Hi pa,” Mark chuckled and high-fived his father as he got in the car. James blinked several times and then was pushed in the car by his mother, much to his own annoyance.
“Dear god, James you haven't changed one bit,” the man at the wheel said, looking in his rear mirror at James sitting in the back, clearly a little uncomfortable.
“Well I guess that's normal, I mean, I didn't do any plastic surgery did I?”
“Well I did think about letting the doctors do that to you while you were in the coma, just to make sure you had a prettier face when you woke up but ma stopped me.”
“Oh stop it you two,” Celia rolled her eyes, silently, James thanked his mother for handling the situation before it got worse.
“I prepared your favorite dish Jimmy darling.”
“Uh, that's nice ma,” James nodded, really wanting to get out of the car.
When they finally arrived at the Euringers household, James couldn't be more happy to get out of the car, where his brother and father had just started talking about James new project and his entrance into art school. His mother quickly dragged him out of the car and into the house before pushing him down on a wooden chair in the kitchen, telling him he looked a little too pale for her taste and that he looked coffee deprived. Handing him a cup, she smiled at him and patted his shoulder before leaving the kitchen again, yelling over her shoulder that she was going to search James' former artworks from when he was younger.
“She's just happy to see you again,” Mark entered the kitchen, taking a cup of coffee for himself and sitting on one of the other wooden chairs.
“I figured,” James nodded, taking a long sip from the coffee.
“Jimmy darling I found your boat collection!” his mother yelled from the living room, only resulting in James to groan, roll his eyes and put his head on the table, muttering some incoherent curses under his breath and the sentence that Mark recognized as “motherfucking boats”.