Status: Complete | Finished <3
Human
Human
Why do they insist on representing us with the colors of the rainbow when all they give us makes our world turn grey? Why don’t they make our flag all dark already so it would match our rough reality? In the end, they don’t really care. Who would care about sinners like us? Who would give attention to people like us?
Not a day goes by where I’m not violated. They are chasing me; I’m one of their favorite preys. They’ll either insult or punch me; it became one of their favorite games to play at. I don’t want to play, but I never have a word to say. I am just their fragile little toy who must let them do whatever they want to do to me. To them, I am not even human; I am just an abomination. I am an abomination who loves women instead of men. I’m a lesbian and I guess I’m as bad and as horrible as the Devil.
It wasn’t a choice. I did not wake up on a sunny Saturday morning to decide that I was interested into women. There wasn’t a switch in my brain that could make me go from Lesbian to Straight. It was not the simple. It has always been inside of me. To my parents’ dismay, I’ve never been a girlie; I’ve always been a tomboy. I’ve always been more attracted to what they call boy stuff.
It took me a while to accept my sexual orientation, but I could not deny who I really was. I grew up thinking the amount of love parents can have for their children was unconditional. My parents’ love for me wasn’t. When I came out to them, they did not take it very well. They insulted me, saying I was abnormal and that I wasn’t their child anymore; because I was different. It was the first insult that I have ever received because of my abnormality…and certainly not the last one.
All those ads about self-esteem on the television insist on the importance of loving yourself just the way you are. What happens when you can’t do that? What is there to love about myself where everything about me isn’t okay? My hair isn’t long enough and makes me look like a boy. It seems like I get my ugly clothes from the wrong stores. I don’t paint my face with enough makeup, my natural face being not pretty enough. I don’t look like those girls in magazines. I don’t match the society’s standards. The worst thing about me though is my orientation. It’s so terrible to love someone from the same gender as you… because society says so.
Try to picture this: you’re peacefully walking with your significant other when people on the other side of the street start laughing at you and insulting you. They follow you until there is nobody around so they can beat you a little. This is what happened to Jenny and me. Jenny is my girlfriend of one year. We got beaten for being two girls in love with each other. Our love was a sin, the worst of them all.
Lesbo. Horrible Creature. Devil. Spawn of Satan. Fake Girl...those are just some of the names people give me. I am not even a girl to them. Why? Because girls wear high heels, makeup, skirts and dresses and I don’t. Because girls love boys and I don’t. That sure makes me a boy, doesn't it?
I try not to let the insults get me, but it’s hard. Sometimes, people will insult you about something you did or about something you wore. Most of the time, the insults are about something that isn’t permanent or that can be changed. But me? They insult me about something that I can’t change even if I tried. They insult me for my entire self. It gets hard to love yourself when you feel like you’re really not fine at all?
What if the tables turned? What if homosexuality was the norm while heterosexuality was a sin? Would you like to be harassed because of something that is so natural and deep down inside of you? Would you like to be rejected because the person you love isn’t of the right gender? Would you like to have to hide most of the time because you live in fear? I guess not.
I’m not ashamed of being who I am I’m just tired of having to hide. I’m sick of hearing those insults. I just want to feel secure. I just want my girlfriend and I to be allowed to show how much we love each other in public like heterosexual couples do. Is it too much to ask? Is it too much to ask to live my life without my actions being judged? I don’t want to be a deviant anymore. I just want to be human.
I can’t wait for the day where the reality of my community will finally match the colors of our flag, a day where we will be accepted for who we truly are. There will come a time where we’ll be able to see beyond the difference. It might not be today or tomorrow, but I hope this moment will come. Remember that beneath the skin, we’re all the same.
Not a day goes by where I’m not violated. They are chasing me; I’m one of their favorite preys. They’ll either insult or punch me; it became one of their favorite games to play at. I don’t want to play, but I never have a word to say. I am just their fragile little toy who must let them do whatever they want to do to me. To them, I am not even human; I am just an abomination. I am an abomination who loves women instead of men. I’m a lesbian and I guess I’m as bad and as horrible as the Devil.
It wasn’t a choice. I did not wake up on a sunny Saturday morning to decide that I was interested into women. There wasn’t a switch in my brain that could make me go from Lesbian to Straight. It was not the simple. It has always been inside of me. To my parents’ dismay, I’ve never been a girlie; I’ve always been a tomboy. I’ve always been more attracted to what they call boy stuff.
It took me a while to accept my sexual orientation, but I could not deny who I really was. I grew up thinking the amount of love parents can have for their children was unconditional. My parents’ love for me wasn’t. When I came out to them, they did not take it very well. They insulted me, saying I was abnormal and that I wasn’t their child anymore; because I was different. It was the first insult that I have ever received because of my abnormality…and certainly not the last one.
All those ads about self-esteem on the television insist on the importance of loving yourself just the way you are. What happens when you can’t do that? What is there to love about myself where everything about me isn’t okay? My hair isn’t long enough and makes me look like a boy. It seems like I get my ugly clothes from the wrong stores. I don’t paint my face with enough makeup, my natural face being not pretty enough. I don’t look like those girls in magazines. I don’t match the society’s standards. The worst thing about me though is my orientation. It’s so terrible to love someone from the same gender as you… because society says so.
Try to picture this: you’re peacefully walking with your significant other when people on the other side of the street start laughing at you and insulting you. They follow you until there is nobody around so they can beat you a little. This is what happened to Jenny and me. Jenny is my girlfriend of one year. We got beaten for being two girls in love with each other. Our love was a sin, the worst of them all.
Lesbo. Horrible Creature. Devil. Spawn of Satan. Fake Girl...those are just some of the names people give me. I am not even a girl to them. Why? Because girls wear high heels, makeup, skirts and dresses and I don’t. Because girls love boys and I don’t. That sure makes me a boy, doesn't it?
I try not to let the insults get me, but it’s hard. Sometimes, people will insult you about something you did or about something you wore. Most of the time, the insults are about something that isn’t permanent or that can be changed. But me? They insult me about something that I can’t change even if I tried. They insult me for my entire self. It gets hard to love yourself when you feel like you’re really not fine at all?
What if the tables turned? What if homosexuality was the norm while heterosexuality was a sin? Would you like to be harassed because of something that is so natural and deep down inside of you? Would you like to be rejected because the person you love isn’t of the right gender? Would you like to have to hide most of the time because you live in fear? I guess not.
I’m not ashamed of being who I am I’m just tired of having to hide. I’m sick of hearing those insults. I just want to feel secure. I just want my girlfriend and I to be allowed to show how much we love each other in public like heterosexual couples do. Is it too much to ask? Is it too much to ask to live my life without my actions being judged? I don’t want to be a deviant anymore. I just want to be human.
I can’t wait for the day where the reality of my community will finally match the colors of our flag, a day where we will be accepted for who we truly are. There will come a time where we’ll be able to see beyond the difference. It might not be today or tomorrow, but I hope this moment will come. Remember that beneath the skin, we’re all the same.