We're a Classic Case of Teenage Romance...
It's too cold for you here…
Years Past
To Reagan it was just another Saturday afternoon. It had started off like it normally did, she woke up next to Dan after he had snuck into her room at about 3 a.m. just like he did on most nights.
But he seemed different that morning, like he couldn't stop thinking about something. He was carrying a heavy burden on his shoulder, she wondered all day what could possibly be burdening him, not realizing that it was her.
They had been hanging out in Dan's tree house, both idly doing their own thing.
Reagan was working on an English paper, while Dan was staring off into space, all of his books lay open before him, untouched.
His only thoughts revolved around how he was going to go about this. He didn't know how he was going to tell her that he was going to be leaving in 3 days, to live with a boy who he had only known for what seemed like a really short period of time. Sure she knew who Phil was, but she had no idea that Dan was even talking to him on a regular basis. Nor did she know that they had met up, or that they had rapidly became great friends, she didn't even know that they had been apartment hunting and that they had settled on a place.
She was completely in the dark.
"Dan?" She said as she clapped her hands together in front of his face, snapping him out of his thoughts.
He smiled over at her, the dimple on his left cheek creating butterflies in her stomach. "Yes?" He asked.
"What are you thinking about?" She asked returning his smile.
"Nothing," he lied. Which was a bad idea because he was going to have to tell her what was on his mind eventually.
Reagan gave him a look that told him she didn't believe him. "You've been silent all day, you've been constantly lost in thought. Is there something wrong?"
"Nope, nothing wrong. Everything's fine." Dan wanted to hit himself for digging himself deeper into a hole of lies.
"Okay, if you say so." And like that she let it go. For now.
It wasn't until later that night, when Dan had snuck back into her room that things took a turn for the worst.
They were both lying down on Reagan's bed, looking up at all the ceiling stickers that had accumulated up there over the years.
"So what exactly is the purpose of having those up there?" Dan asked.
"I like to count them before I go to sleep. You know, like counting sheep." She explained.
"But with kittens, and hippo's?" He asked as he pointed at the stickers.
"Yeah, why? Is that weird?"
Dan laughed, "To each their own."
Dan took in a deep, content sigh, momentarily forgetting about the shitty news he was soon going to have to deliver.
He turned his head to look over at Reagan. She quickly looked away.
"Were you gazing lovingly at me?" Dan teased.
"Don't flatter yourself," she teased back, making Dan laugh.
"So what was bugging you today?" She asked.
"Wow, you just don't give up do you?" He was starting to get a bit ticked off. He sat up, and scooted to the edge of her bed.
She sighed, "There's no reason for you to get mad, I'm just worried about you." She explained, copying his actions.
"But I told you I was fine, there's no reason for you to keep pushing the subject any further."
"I'm not stupid Dan, I know you well enough to know when there's something on your mind, tell me what's bothering you."
"Yeah well right now that's you!" He snapped.
That shocked Reagan. Neither of them had ever yelled at each other, sure they've had their fights, but never had the other ever raised their voice.
"There's really no need for you to be rude." Reagan pointed out.
"I know, and I'm sorry, but honestly, leave it alone okay?"
Reagan stared at him, unsure of what to do next. She wanted to know what was bothering him, but if she kept asking, she was afraid of what was going to happen.
"Okay, I'll leave it alone."
Dan nodded, "Good."
They both looked at each other awkwardly after that.
Dan headed over to Reagan's window, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Wait, you're not staying?" She asked walking over to him.
He shook his head, "Not tonight."
"Why?" she asked.
Dan sighed, not bothering to hide his annoyance with her. "Just because, okay?"
Reagan did nothing but watch him leave.
She went back to sit on her bed.
She was extremely angry at this point. There was no need for him to treat her like this. If something was bothering him he knew that he could tell her anything and that she would try her best to understand. There was no reason for him to push her away.
With a frustrated sigh, she went to turn off the lights to her room, and crawled into bed.
Once under the covers, she felt herself lying on top of something hard and uncomfortable. She would have ignored it seeing as how she was too upset to let something so small bother her, but when it vibrated with a ding, she reached her hands under her back and pulled the object from under her.
It was Dan's phone, he had left in such a rush that he had forgotten it.
Reagan tossed it beside her and returned to the comfort of under the covers.
Reagan hadn't been planning on looking through his texts, hell she wasn't even planning on checking who the current text was from. She would have ignored them, its not like she didn't trust him, she no reason not to. But Dan was receiving text after text after text, and she tried her hardest to ignore them, but when she accidentally glanced at his phone, the message that was displayed on the screen caught her attention.
So when will I see you again?
Reagan's heart dropped.
This was not a text she wanted to see on her boyfriends phone.
Not at all.
Reagan took a deep breath, and decided that she was over reacting. It was just one text and it meant nothing. Nothing at all.
But they just kept coming.
Dan you silly boy, answer me!
I'm getting tired of waiting for you to reply!
Fine, don't reply, just tell me what time you want to get together on Tuesday.
And that was it, she unlocked his phone, and even though she expected to see texts that proved he was cheating, she found something so much worse.
The texts dated back for months. Dan and Phil had been planning on moving in with each other for that long. And never once did he mention Reagan, or how he was going to tell her about this. Dan's texts never once took her into consideration. Everything was well planned, down to the last detail, and Reagan couldn't believe that Dan had never once mentioned it to her.
How the fuck could he not tell me he was moving to LONDON!? She thought as she buried her face in her hands.
Just thinking about how he had this planned for months, and the date for him to finally move in with Phil was this fucking Tuesday, made her want to burst into his room and demand that he explain himself. But this had to be a joke or something. Dan would never do this. He wouldn't leave her. He couldn't possibly do that to her.
He just couldn't!
Once another text came in, Reagan had had enough and threw it against the wall. She felt a bit better as she heard the screen crack.
Fuck his iPhone! she thought.
She made it back under her covers, and found herself crying to sleep.
***
She woke up the next morning to Dan shaking her. "Reagan, what did you do to my phone?" He asked, his voice leveled but Reagan could tell that he was trying his hardest not to yell at her.
And after what happened last night, she didn't really care whether Dan yelled at her or not. He had kept secrets from her. BIG SECRETS.
Dan watched her carefully, her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like she hadn't slept very well. And no matter how angry he was at himself, he couldn't stand that he was taking it out on Reagan, he especially couldn't take the fact that she was just letting him take his anger out on her. She didn't deserve his shit, but she was acting like she did.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm just peachy," she muttered sarcastically.
Dan sighed, "What's wrong?" He asked taking a seat at the edge of her bed, feeling that incessant need to comfort the girl he loved most in the world.
"I saw the texts." Reagan admits.
Dan immediately froze.
"Did you hear me?" she said, her anger spilling out, "I READ the texts. The ones you sent to Phil. The ones where you told him you were excited about moving in with him. In LONDON."
Dan stayed silent for a moment. He had been caught. She knew, and there was no going back.
"When did you plan on telling me? On Tuesday, the day your scheduled to depart? Or were you just planning on getting to London and never speaking to me again? Tell me, please, what were you thinking when you were planning this, as you specifically kept me in the dark?" Reagan asked. She wasn't yelling, she wasn't being sarcastic, she wasn't giving attitude, she just genuinely wanted her questions answered.
"Dan, please answer me." She begged after he didn't answer her for a whole of 2 minutes.
"I...I just figured that I could put it off until the right time," he mumbles, mostly to himself as he buries his face in his hands, "but it was never the right time."
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.
Dan shrugged. "I didn't want to -I dunno- hurt you."
"Well look at how well that worked out." Reagan muttered under her breath.
That pissed Dan off. "Honestly Reagan, why does it even matter!"
She ignored the fact that he was now yelling at her as he spoke, "Why wouldn't it matter? You're my boyfriend, I love you. We've been together for an entirety of 9 years, and you didn't tell me that you were planning on moving to London. Don't you think that that's something I deserved to know about?"
"I understand where you're coming from, but if I told you that I was moving to London you'd want to go with me." Dan cringed at how bad that came out.
Reagan cringed because of how harsh his words were. "Would that be so bad?"
"No, of course not. I could never see myself without you by my side."
"Then why didn't you tell me?" She repeated for what seemed like the 100th time.
Dan didn't reply. He honestly had no better explanation for his actions.
"Why is my phone's screen cracked?" He decided to ask instead.
"Because I threw it against the wall."
"And why the hell would you do that?" He asked, the anger he felt for himself, now directed at Reagan.
"Because it pissed me off. You were getting like 50 texts a minute from Phil." She said, her anger spilling.
Just as she had finished speaking Dan received a text. His screen lit up, and he read the message displayed on his screen.
Without thinking Reagan went over to Dan and snatched the phone from his hand. The text was from Phil.
"Give it back!" he said as he got up from her bed and walked over to her.
As he reached for the phone, she managed to get it out of his reach every time.
"Reagan I'm not joking around, give me my bloody phone."
By now she had had enough of his yelling and swearing at her. So she decided to throw the phone at his feet. "There, you can fucking have it."
"Honestly youre being so over dramatic." Was the last thing Dan said before he climbed out of the window and back into his room.
"And you're being a fucking asshole!" she yelled after him.
***
2 days had passed since their fight. And they had not spoken, nor seen each other.
And it was killing Reagan.
Today was the day. The day he was scheduled to leave to London with Phil. Currently, Reagan was sitting by her kitchen window, looking out into the Howell's backyard, watching the small 'Goodbye' party Dan's family, and friends were throwing him.
She hadn't been invited. And that killed her, but it didn't matter, she wouldn't have gone either way.
After a while of torturing herself with watching Dan laugh and smile, like everything was alright with his life, she found herself outside, walking in no particular direction, just walking.
...and walking, and walking.
She needed to get as far away as possible from Dan.
She had never felt so betrayed in her life. Sure she felt like shit when her mother had left her and her father, but this was...this was so much worse.
She had trusted him, loved him, LOVED him for fucks sakes. And he couldn't even have the decency to tell her he was leaving.
After about an hour of aimless walking around, she had finally cleared her mind enough to realize one thing: She loved him, and she was sure that he loved her.
This whole London thing wasn't something bad, he was going because he thought it would be a good thing for him. And whatever made him happy, in turn made her happy.
This was just a minor setback.
With a deep breath, she headed back home.
She was ready to apologize, and tell him that she was happy for him. But that he had to call her at a minimum of everyday, text her hourly, (of course though these were just thoughts she was having that made her smile, because she didn't actually expect him to do that).
It wasn't like he was moving to a different continent, if anything she could go and visit him anytime she wanted. He could show her around when she visited, he could show her all of his favorite places that he had discovered, and that he couldn't wait to share with her.
She knocked on the Howell's door, waiting for someone to answer.
After a few moments, Dan's little brother opened the door.
"Hey, kid." She greeted, "Where's Dan?"
Dan's little brother hesitated answering her for a moment, but luckily for him Dan's mother cut in.
"Hello Reagan," She greeted.
"Hi, Mrs. Howell. Can I please speak with Dan?"
Mrs. Howell pursed her lips awkwardly, "I'm sorry love, he already left."
And in that moment, if Dan's mother had stopped breathing, she would have heard Reagans stomach drop, and her heart shatter.
Reagan was in physical pain now.
Her chest moving up and down, in an erratic movement, her breaths were coming in short, and barely no air was making its way into her lungs.
She did however manage to get herself back into her room.
And no matter how many layers of covers she had buried herself under, she couldn't stop the blistering chill that had entered her body. She felt the physical trauma her body had taken by the news.
All she wanted to do now was cry, but she couldn't, she was too...broken.
She found herself calling him. All she need was to talk to him. To tell him that she loved him, and to tell him not to forget to call her when he got there. She wanted to tell him to be safe. And that she loved him.
He never answered.
Surely he has to call me in the morning, were her thoughts as she looked up at her ceiling and lulled herself to sleep.
He never called back.