Things Have Changed for Me

Frank

I wake up to Evan asleep on me for the 4th time this week.

She's like a puppy. A cute little puppy... it's so adorable when she falls asleep like that... Curled up in a ball on top of me.

It's been about 2 weeks since we had dinner... and we've gotten along extremely well. Gee's not gonna like it... Me and his sister... I want to be with her... not as friends...

I slowly pull myself up, trying not to wake her. We fell asleep watching corpse bride about... 3 hours ago.

3 hours ago... oops...

By we, I mean she fell asleep, then I had to lay here all day till I fell asleep. I'm fine with that... but I have to pee... badly. And I've had to for awhile.

But watching her sleep is worth the wait... Kind of...

May sound creepy but watching people sleep always makes you feel closer to them... that, and listening to them sleep talk for the past 3 hours. Maybe I am a creepy stalker...

But I've found out some useful stuff.

This is going to look like a date...

This is bad...

It's not like it was suppose to be a date... but Mikey had a friend's to get to and Gerard had to go shopping for food.

Plus, I never skip on watching Tim Burton!

Only insane people do that! because I'm so sane... right...

"Mmm! Frankie... stop moving," Evan mumbles, turning her face into my belly.

She snuggles closer into me.

"But I have stuff I need to do," I reply as I play with her messy hair. She grunts, grabbing onto me.

"Be my pillow," she demands, muffled by my cold, bare torso. I feel her trace small X's in my ribcage.

"I can't." I play with her long hair. I squirm a little.

"But I haven't had a pillow in years! You're the comfiest I have."

"You might want to wake up too," I say with a tired voice... I'm falling asleep again.

"Do you smoke," she asks. I smile.

"Shhh, you're still sleeping."

"You're voice is deep... it's nice... Calming..." I let her run a hand through my hair.

I smirk at that. Not in a disagreeing way... more of a... trying to stop myself from smiling even bigger way. She's adorable.

I start to think...

It's terrifying to be around her with her past... one wrong move and everything is messed up... Not that she's that sensitive... it's just... I never know what she's thinking...

"You stopped talking," she inquires.

"Sorry... my mind decided to wonder..." I blush. I'm an idiot.

"You're cute."

I laugh at that.

"You can't see me. You can't possibly know what I look like at this very second. I look like a mess." I always look like a mess! Not just now.

"You can't see you ether. And I've memorized you. Gerard is right."

Gerard is right...

"He is," I ask, confused. Gerard is right...

"You have the most beautiful eyes anyone can find on a man," she starts playing with my fingers. My eyes... I never liked my eyes...

"Really," I ask, letting my smile make its way back. I grab her hand, holding it.

"Really... you're eyes are just the beginning." I blush harder than before.

"Oh..." I didn't realize my face was that enjoyable to her. Or anyone... I've always hated it...

"Speaking of eyes, my glasses are beside you. Wanna get em?" She sits up and stares at me.

I hand her her glasses as I turn the tv off.

She puts them on, she looks adorable...

"So you think I'm hot?" I ask a nudge.

"That's not what I said!"
She defends, turning pink.

"Right," I say sarcastically. I poke her. On a scale of 1-10 how much of an idiot do I seem like right now? Probably... a 20... nice going Iero.

"Hot is an understatement," she whispers.

"Really," i ask, quieter than her.

My head starts to wonder again. About life, future, past, marriage... will I ever get married? Sure I'm pretty young but I start to wonder. Will I ever have kids of my own? I love children... Babies are cute... Id like 5... 2 boys and 3 girls. 2 pairs of twins... one girl and boy... then the other will be two girls... Ceecee, Alex, Maria, Josh and Jack.

I may be obsessed with my future... but the future is an amazing thing.

"Hey, you wanna try on that wedding dress for Halloween? It is in 4 months." I speak without thinking...

I don't feel the need to tell her about my birthday... I don't feel like celebrating. I want her brother to throw his party and forget. I just want to go to that. I'm not the biggest fan of birthdays.

"Yeah... sure." She gets up and runs to her room.

She comes back out in a huge, princess wedding dress with a really long train from the 40's or 60's. She has the veil on and everything.

My jaw drops at how beautiful she looks. I've never really seen a girl in a wedding dress in person but she is... wow... I'm speechless to this.

"You think it look good enough to make into costume?" She puts her hair up.

"Um... um... I... I'll be back..." I run to the bathroom and call Ray in complete panic.

"Hello?"

"She's in a wedding dress! I can't breathe! She looks like a princess! I can't do this!"

Ray is the only one I've told about my small crush on Evan. Small... I'm too scared to tell the Ways... They'd kill me and skin me and gut me.

"Slow down. Slow. So she is wearing a wedding dress?"

I nod, even though he can't see me. It just calmed me somehow.

"I want to be at a park with a guy and her and be in a suit and saying I do! And I'm freaking out!" It just keeps coming out faster and faster. I start to hyperventilate.

"Maybe you should call gee to come home."

"Gee? No no no no! We do not bring Gee into this! she is his little sister!" I pace, uncontrollably.

"Okay... well, tell her she looks pretty and get her to change." He makes it sound simple... it's not simple! Nothing is simple! There's no such thing as simple! It's all a big wave of confusing emotion!

"No! No! I like her!" I can't make it seem like I want her out! I don't! I want her with me!

"I know you do! But just calm a little. If you calm, it'll make things go easier! Tell her a joke or something. Laugh around."

I CANT DO THAT

"I want to make out with her!"

What's wrong with me?

"Well... maybe you should."

"Nooooooooooooo!"

I can't do that! Why would he say that? No wonder he's single...

"Frank," Ray sighs.

"Fine. I'm good. Bye."

"Good luck," Ray says and hangs up. I'm gonna need it... lots of it.

I pee as fast as I can and find myself staring at myself.

"You can do this, Iero," I whisper to myself. I fix myself up and walk back out.

"Evan," I call.

"Bedroom," she answers. I head to Mikey's bedroom, following her voice. I haven't been in here in awhile... There're thick, dark denim curtains in the middle of Mikey's dark brown room. His bed is neatly made and his desk is organized. His whole room is real clean and neat. Like it always is... neat freak... I notice a small picture of him and I on his desk. I've never seen it before. I don't remember taking it... It's not from too long ago... maybe I was drunk... I don't look drunk... but I did spend most of that tour pretty drunk or very stoned.

"Come in," Evan calls. Must've heard me out here.

"You... you sure? It's your room... and..."

I don't usually go in girls room... girls are more private with their rooms and they don't always like invasion of privacy.

"What? Scared of a girl's room? Come! I'm dressed and stuff!" I walk in. Her room is... girly... Messy... really messy...but girly... it's lavender and pink with a nice, white vanity. Her bed is pushed against the wall with the window right beside it.

"Mikey painted! Like it?"

"It's... it's lavender..."

Really?! That's all you can say... nice job.

"Awe! I knew you wouldn't! It's the lighting situation... no! I picked a stupid color! Ugh..."

Now she thinks you don't like it! Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"No! It's great! Just... unexpected... Mikey... has never ever as long as I've known him... let lavender... in his place..."

Think I fixed it?

"Mikey told you he didn't like it," she asks.

I haven't spoken to Mikey in weeks! No! That's not what I meant! I suck at this!

"Th-that's not what I said." I start to panic even more.

"I'm joking with you. Um... I didn't even know this was going to happen. I was planning on stayin at moms but came home yesterday and this room was painted like this with curtains separating us and... I just love that boy. When he asked what colors I like together I didn't expect this. Bless Mikey's soul."

I take my eyes off the walls and look around at the clothes and... underwear all over everything...

It's... weird? No, that's not the word...

I pick a bra off her vanity table. Okay, yes I'm a guy and I should be happy and okay with this but it's kind of... weird picking her bra off of the table thing.

Guys like touching girls underwear... right? I've never been much of one to be attracted to a person... especially not a girl.

"Sorry... Mikey... hates a messy place... explains the curtains... this is awkward for you. It says so in your face."

Read me like a book.

"Um... I think... it's the undergarment view..."

"You're a weird man. I like that, Iero!"

Good... good... cool. Okay. There we go.

"You... changed out of the dress," I notice. She shrugs.

I liked the dress... it's pretty... I screwed up with it... I didn't mean to! I hate myself.

"You kinda... I wasn't sure..." so she noticed... great...

She gets up and puts a bright, cotton candy lipstick on.

I watch carefully as she frowns, pulling her shirt down a little.

"Frankie, let me use you," she demands.

I smirk, thinking of all the things she could... 'use me' for.

She walks over and stands really close. I jump at her touch as she lays her hand on my forearm.

I don't know why her touch seemed so foreign to me... but it did?

I feel her other just barely touch my butt, on accident.

I blush... badly. Really badly.

She leans up and kisses my cheek.

I smile a the lipstick mark on my red cheek.

She then puts on a shade of hot pink lipstick and walks to the other side.

She doesn't touch me too much this time but I wish she did... she kisses my cheek, making me red again.

"And that was for," I ask. She looks in the mirror, inspecting it carefully. She stands on her tippy toes, checking it that way too.

"Which matches my outfit?"

I stare at her outfit for a good couple of minutes...

She's wearing light skinnies that are high at the waist and a cropped, purple plaid tied thingy shirt...

it looks good on her... everything does...

I make up my mind.

"Cotton candy pink," we both say at the same time.

She takes off her lipstick
And puts the cotton candy pink back on. It looks nice.

"Let me fix my hair and we can go do something."

"Like what," I ask. I start to play with her hair. It falls perfectly without her even doing a thing...

"What do you want, mister Frankie?"

"Gee," I answer like a child as I pull the hair by her face back.

I give her a devious smile, which she rolls her eyes to.

"Why do I even ask?" She hands me a rubber band, letting me do what I want to her.

"You know you'll get an entertaining answer."

"Not wrong there," she admits. "Now I have an image in my head." She sticks out her tongue. I laugh.

It is a nice image... Gee and me...

She and I are a nice image too...

Us going out is a really nice image...

What if we could get married...

"Marry me," I mumble. That moment, I regretted my entire life... everything...

"What," she asks.

I suck as a person...

"Nothing," I mumble. I blush once again.

"Kiss me," she whispers.

I stare at her, confused.

"Do... what?"

"Um... forget it. Come on." She pins her hair and starts to walk but stops before she gets to the curtains.

"You know what, don't forget it. Kiss me."

Kiss her... kiss... her? Her? She wants me... to kiss... her?

"What? Why?"

I feel a panic attack coming...

"You're cute. I haven't been kissed. Kiss me. Meaningless. I promise."

Meaningless... oh... just meaningless... okay. Cool... alright... so you don't like me?

"You're asking me to kiss you?" With no feelings at all?

"Well I'm not telling you you can't. Kiss me, you coward." She stares at me.

I sigh and make my way across the room. I'm getting myself into trouble. I know it. I stand in front of her.

I'm nervous... so nervous... why

"You called me a coward."

"You're a short, lonely, little coward. MAN UP AND KISS ME!"

Before I mean to...
I grab her jaw with one hand and kiss her.

It's slow but good. Great. Actually, better than that. I don't know if it's the rush or if I've wanted to for so long, but it's just right.

But... it means nothing... nothing. nothing. Not a thing...

She pulls away way too fast.

But it was for my own good.

"Got you to do it, didn't it?"

No... I would've done it ether way.

"You're hot when you call me things... but I am no coward, Way," I say with a deep voice.

It shocks me. I didn't know I could make sounds like that...

"You're not. You're worse than that."

"You'll take that back, missy," I mumble with a smile and push past her.

"Meant nothing, Iero," she clears, as I walk away.

That hurts...

I open her curtains just as Mikey starts waking in. He stands with wide eyes. I look back to Evan. She's not paying attention. I look back to Mikey and he looks mad.

"You came out of my sister's room... you're in my house alone with my sister, in my room. Get out of my apartment."

Jump to conclusions much? You know what assuming does...

"Mikey, nothing happe-"

"I'm giving you a ten minute head start. Out."

Wow... did he just?! Excuse me! He did not?!

"I don't want a head start. I want to explain."

"We're you or were you not in this room alone with my sister?"

Well...

"I was b-"

"Out!"

What? No. You will let me explain!

"Mikey-"

"I have had a terrible day, Iero and you are getting in my nerves. The door is this way. Get out."

Fine! Okay! I hope you know you suck and I hate you.

I start to gather my stuff, full of anger.

"Leave it and go," Mikey demands. I look back at Evan.

I really don't want to...

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

I see it all in her eyes... she's scared.

"I did not tell you to say goodbye! I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE! YOU ARE DISMISSED!"

I roll my eyes and start to leave. I hear Mikey yelling at Evan as I make my way out the door.

He's over reacting...

I sit in the hall and cry. I can't help it... i don't really care who sees.

Mikey never gets mad. I don't think I could tick him off like that...

"Frank," A voice like Gee's asks. Its ether gee or Mikey but I know it can't be Mikey.

"Gee Gee, I did something terrible but I can't tell you...," I whisper as I wipe my tears away.

"You can't tell me?"

He looks sad about it... but I can't.

I shake my head.

"You'll be mad at me," I cry really loud.

I don't want 2 of them mad at me. I can't have them mad at me! Not both.

"Shhhh... neighbors are a little..." Gerard whistles, motioning that they're insane. "So they won't like the noise."

I nod.

"Tell me what happened and I'll fix things... do you-" he gets cut off by the yelling.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?! I WAS WRONG! YOU ARE NO BROTHER! YOURE A MONSTER!" Evan slams the door. She's crying too... hard. Heartbreaking.

"Jasmine Evan Way... you did not just say that to Mikey," Gerard says in disbelief.

He looks so disappointed. And she looks so mad.

"You're name is Jasmine," I ask, throwing off the subject.

"Only when people are mad at me," she whispers.

I smile.

"Jasmine is so pretty! Why don't you use it?"

"Well... when you hear, 'JASMINE, YOURE NEXT!' you start to get scared of it." She starts to fix herself up.

Jasmine you're next... jasmine you're next... jasmine...

"Gee Gee, go in there," I say.

He rolls his eyes

"What happened?"

"Mikey thinks we did it," I mumble. Gerard seems to have picked up and runs in. You can hear the muffled yelling through the door.

It's really quite terrifying...

"WHAT IS YOUR DEAL," i mock Mikey, trying to get Evan to stop crying. "MY DEAL?! YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP! SHES 25! SHE HAS REASONS!"

"YOURE GONNA LET HER BE WITH FRANK LIKE THAT?! YOU KNOW HIS HISTORY!" Evan joins, mocking Mikey.

"Hey," I yell. I then shrug it off and continue. "WELL YEAH BUT LOOK AT HER! SHE IS AN ADULT! SHE CAN GO CLUBBING!"

"SHES LIKE... FIVE!"

"I'm 25," Evan states. "Wanna go to a club?"

"Don't I," I ask. I get up.

I could use a drink... or 30.

"I'm kidding..."

Of corse...

"You shouldn't be," I mumble to myself. Evan gets up and walks in.

She's getting herself in trouble.

"Hey... Mikey... can Frankie explain himself," Evan yells in.

"Evan, leave," I hear Mikey say.

"Evan, let me through," I demand.

I'm going to fix stuff.

"You'll be okay," she assures us both and let's me through.

I carefully walk over to them, picking my moves carefully.

"Mikey... I walked into your sisters room to fix her hair. That's all that happened. Ask Ray. I was on the phone with him before."

He doesn't believe a word...

"She is 25. You do trust Frank." Gerard pipes in.

I nod.

"No," Mikey mumbles.

"Innocence. That's all I'm hearing."

"Shut it, gee," Mikey says.

Here they go... more fighting.

"Frank is trustworthy," Gerard ignores him.

"Frank is a heartbreaker!"

Thanks

"Well if you have looks like that... you can't really go out with every single girl in the world."

Awe...

"You know he'll break her heart."

You don't know till you try.

"I'm not with Frank. I don't like him. I don't want him. He's like a brother. No offense to you guys but he is. He's my best friend." Evan jumps in.

Oh... yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Right... okay.

"You know nothing," Mikey mumbles. I stand up straight and punch him in the face. Hard. I've had it.

I didn't really mean to... just lost control... I couldn't help it. It just happened...

"You dare talk to her like that! You're no brother!" I feel the anger running through me. I punch him again, starting a big, bloody fight... but it was worth it all.

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