Hope Is a Waking Dream

Chapter 13

While Melissa and Beth prepared dinner over the fire in the backyard, Daryl sat in the bedroom. He was embarrassed by the word vomit he had spewed all over Rick and knew that Melissa had told Lori and Carol something, he just didn’t know what. There was a soft knock on the door and it opened slowly. Carol cautiously stepped in and sat next to him on the bed, her hands folded in her lap. “Hey Pookie. How are ya doing?”
“She told ya didn’t she?” He asked, not looking at her.
“Yeah, well, she told us some things. Don’t know if she told us everything or not. She’s confused and really needed someone to talk to.”
“I don’t know what to do, don’t know what to say. Should I even do or say anything? Should I ignore it? Dammit!” He stood up and started pacing the room. “Never had to deal with a woman before. Never had to be around one for long, they always just left. Never had to deal with something like this before.”
“Okay Pookie. Just breathe.” She stood up and put her hand on his shoulder to keep him still. He looked up at her with his thumb hanging out of his mouth. “She’s doubting herself and you. She’s ready to ignore it, but doesn’t want to. You should’ve seen the smile on her face, Daryl. She looked like a teenager whose crush smiled at her in the hallway. Both of you need to think about this before you do or say anything to each other. You were her first kiss, that’s an exciting experience. She’ll be on cloud nine just from that, but don’t treat her any differently. Take her hunting, talk to her like you have been. Decide what you want before you approach the subject. She needs to know how you feel about what happened and how you want things to go. She’ll follow your lead. If she knows you wanted that and you might want it again, she’ll try, just like you will. If you’re serious about this, about her, show her. Include her, make her feel important. She will return the gesture. I know she likes you, she’s attracted to you. Let things happen as they happen. This could be good for both of you.”
Daryl took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. “Rick said the same thing, kinda. I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t want to fuck up and hurt her. She’s real special and I never had anything special before. Don’t know how to treat someone special. I’m gonna say the wrong thing or do something stupid.”
“She probably will too. She has as much experience with this as you do, probably less. You’ll both make mistakes, but think before you act or speak. Think how you would react to what you’re doing and saying. You’re gonna be fine Pookie. Dinners almost ready. Come outside and eat with us.”
“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.” Carol held his hand for a brief moment before leaving the room. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. He still didn’t know what he was gonna do, but he was determined that whatever this could be, he was gonna make it work. Trudging through the cabin, he found Beth pulling a guitar out of a closet by the front door. She smiled at him and showed him the instrument. “Look what I found! I haven’t played in ages! It’s gonna be so great Daryl!” By this time, she’s bobbing up and down like a bobble head doll. “After dinner, around the fire, I can sing and play. It’ll be like things are almost normal again.” She darted across the room and out the backdoor. Daryl just shrugged and followed her out the door. He’d make sure he was on watch, even if he had to barter something for it.
The group was gathered around the fire, Lori and Maggie filling paper plates with rabbit and green beans from a can. Ironically, the only vacant spot was next to Melissa. She handed him a plate and a bottle of water. As he sat down, he gave her a grateful head nod. They ate in silence until Rick cleared his throat. “I was talking to Daryl earlier and I think this housing development they found could be a permanent place for us. It’s gonna need some work, but Daryl thinks there might be enough furnished houses for all of us. We’ll have safety, be protected from the elements and maybe make a life there. I think a few of us should go back out there to check it out.”
Herschel was the first to speak up. “Melissa, you knew about the development before we came along, what do you think?”
“Well, it could work. I think all the furnished houses are on the same block, so we’d all be close together. I suppose that we could find a way to build a wall or fortify it someway. The house we stayed in had some non-perishable stuff in it. We didn’t see a lot of the dead ones around, but there might be some in the houses though. I guess if we work together we can get it done.” Daryl just sat and listened to her voice, watched her lips move as she spoke. When she finished, she looked at him and smiled. “What do you think?” It took him a minute to realize she was talking to him. “Uh, yeah, I think she’s right. We should send some people in there. We weren’t able to look around much. We need to see where we’re going, see if maybe there’s place to get supplies from. I say we give it a try. We can’t stay here forever.”
“Okay.” Rick started. “Daryl, Glenn and I will plan a run into the housing development. We’ll go in a couple days.” Rick looked at his group. They were exhausted, scared and deserved some peace. As much peace as is possible in this world. The sun began to set and everyone finished their meals. “Who’s taking first watch?” Rick asked.
Daryl looked over to see Beth reaching for the guitar on the ground and shot straight up from the log he was sharing with Melissa. “I’ll go,” he said, swinging his crossbow across his body. He half turned to Melissa, “Wanna go?” he asked her. She only nodded her head and stood, stepping in between group members to follow him from the circle.
“I should get my other knife and my gun. They’re in the cabin.”
“Alright, let’s go,” was all he said and led the way inside. She slid her knife in the sheath and tucked the gun in the waistband of her jeans. “We should do a perimeter check first. We won’t go far, won’t take long,” Daryl said and headed out the front door not waiting for her to follow him. He decided to take Carol’s advice and think about what was going on. They walked around the tree line without saying a word to each other. He thought about how he felt, what he wanted. He watched her walk ahead of him. He watched her arms swing, her hips sway and her calves stretch with every step she took. He thought about their kiss, how her lips felt. The whole thing had lasted maybe a minute and had made him hard. Melissa didn’t say anything about that, so he assumed she didn’t notice. The moment his lips touched hers, his heart leapt in his chest. It had been so long since he’d kissed a woman that he was afraid he’d forgotten how to do it properly. He could tell she’d never done this before because her lips didn’t move. He moved his against hers and ran his tongue along the seam of her mouth. She opened herself for him, but he held back. He wanted this to be good, he didn’t want to freak her out with his tongue or his hard-on. He kept one hand on her cheek and one on her hip, but he didn’t pull her any closer.
“Daryl!” Melissa yelled as quietly as she could. “Where the fuck is your head? Do you know what you’re doing?”
Fuck, what had he been doing? “I know what the fuck I’m doing!” he paused. “I’s thinking about shit.”
Melisa calmed down and looked at him. He looked lost, confused and a bit agitated. “I’m sorry. You looked like you were miles away. I kept saying your name, but you didn’t answer. Should we talk?”
He couldn’t be anything but honest. “Hell if I know. Been trying to figure that out all day. If you want to ignore it, that’s fine by me.”
“Do you want to ignore it?” she asked him.
“Wouldn’t be opposed to it,” he said timidly.
“If you want to ignore it, why are you thinking about it? If you want to ignore it, will your mind let you, because mine won’t.”
“Carol said we should think about it first. Think about what we want and now we feel. But I don’t know how I feel. I’m a little confused.”
“Thank God!” she let out the breath she had been holding. “Wait, Carol talked to you? Dammit, if I had thought she’d go running to you, I never would’ve told her anything.”
“I’m kinda glad she did. We don’t have to talk about anything until we’re ready. If ya want to say something though go ahead, I can take it.”
“I don’t know what to say either. I just got a bunch of questions running through my head. Don’t know if you could answer ‘em or not. Don’t know if I’m ready to hear ‘em if ya do.”
They started walking again and made their way back to the front steps of the cabin, Daryl took out a cigarette and offered it to her with his zippo, then lit one for himself. “Go ahead and ask your questions. I’ll answer ‘em if I can.”
She took a drag off the cigarette and blew the smoke in the opposite direction, “Did it mean anything or was it just something to do at the moment? Do you regret it? Are things gonna change here? Did we make things awkward or should we pretend it never happened? I never been kissed before, nobody ever told me I was pretty. Nobody’s ever been nice to me like you have. I fucking hated you that first night ya’ll was here, but not so much anymore. I just don’t want to think this is something it’s not.”
Daryl took a long drag off his cigarette and tried to clear his mind, He had no idea how to answer those questions, he really didn’t want to. “I don’t do nothing I don’t wanna, remember that. I meant to do it, I reckon. Don’t think I tripped over something and fell on ya. Probably never woulda done it if things had been different though.” He took another long drag, methodically filling his lungs trying to slow his heart rate. “I don’t know if things are gonna change, or if they should change. I don’t want things to go back to how they were. Don’t want us to hate each other or fight. Just being around you makes things feel awkward. What we did was awkward, at least it was for me. Never kissed anyone like that before, it was different. I suspect things would be awkward even if it hadn’t happened. If you want us to pretend it never happened, I can do that. We’ll just go about things like before. Not used to having people say good things about me either. Carol’s trying to get me used to it. Damn annoying sometimes. I hated you too, but not so much anymore.” He stubbed out his smoke on the porch steps and looked at her. “This can be whatever you want it to be.” He didn’t say anything else, just looked into the tree line. She stood up and turned to walk into the cabin, “I’ll be right back.” She was gone maybe two minutes. Daryl spent those two minutes tapping is foot and chewing on his thumbnail. He was sure he’d said something wrong. When she returned, she handed him two packs of cigarettes.
“Where’d ya get these? Thought ya weren’t smoking?”
“I’ve got two cartons hid in the bedroom. Just ‘cause I haven’t been smoking doesn’t mean I don’t want to be prepared if the need arises. You’ve given me a few, so take them. I know you gotta be running low.”
“Thanks. I thought I’d said something to piss ya off.”
“No,” she said and lit one of her own, “You were honest, and that’s all I ask for. Ya didn’t say anything stupid or hurtful. You’re better with words than you think ya are. Anything you want to say, or ask?”
He shook his head. “Naw, not yet. Just trying to wrap my head around all this.” When Rick came out the door, a few minutes later to relieve them, they reported all well on the frontlines and went inside to catch some sleep. As Melissa made her way to the bedroom, Daryl stood back not sure if he should follow her or not. When she opened the door, she turned around and saw him still standing at the front door. He was looking around to see if there was a spot for him on the floor. She watched him, waiting for his eyes to turn to her. When they did, they were lost. They were asking her, pleading with her to tell him what he should do. She waved her hand in front of her, inviting him into the room. He stepped over the bodies on the floor and went into the bedroom with her. He didn’t say anything, neither did she. He sat on the edge of the bed, as he had earlier with Carol, and took off his boots. He felt the bed dip as she sat down on the other side.
“Are you okay with this? Will this make you uncomfortable?” she asked him, not turning to face him.
“Ain’t gonna turn down a real bed. As long as you’re okay with this, I am.” He laid flat on his back and then turned to face her. She was still setting on the edge of the bed. He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. “Would you sing for me?” he asked.
“Yeah, if you really want me to, but could you do something for me after?”
“Sure, anything you want,” he said softly.
“What do you want to hear?”
“That song you’re momma sang to ya. That okay?”
“Of course.” He laid back and closed his eyes. He allowed her voice to fill his mind. He thought of his mother. The only person to ever show him love. The only person to never hurt him, until she died and left him with Merle and their father. He could see her beautiful face, her long, black silk hair falling down her back. He could feel her arms around him and her angelic voice in his ears. When the song was over he opened his eyes; they were wet with unshed tears. He reached out to her and took her hand. “What do you want?”
“I want you to kiss me again.” He sat up and cradled her cheek in his hand. Laying his forehead against hers he whispered, “Of course.” His lips touched hers softly, gently. When she opened her mouth to him this time, he did not waste his time. He invaded her mouth with his tongue, wrapping around hers passionately. He wrapped her long, black hair in his fist and pulled her on top of him and lowered himself back onto the bed. He was losing himself in this kiss. He rolled them over and took his lips from hers and began putting suckling, wet kisses on her neck. He didn’t stop until he felt the tightness in his jeans. It was like a kick in the head. He abruptly removed his lips from her skin and lifted himself off her. “I’m . . . I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Melissa was shaking her head. “Please, don’t apologize. It felt good. Let’s just sleep, we both need it.” He gave her a quick nod and climbed under the sheets. She turned her back to him. He pulled his body up behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Is this okay?” he asked, whispering low into her ear. He felt her body shutter as his hot breath hit her skin.
“Yes,” she said breathlessly. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything,” she replied.
“You don’t need to thank me for anything Melissa. I should be thanking you for allowing a piece of shit like me anywhere near you.”
“You’re not a piece of shit Daryl. You’re an amazing man. Goodnight.” He waited until he felt her body relax in his arms, till he knew she was asleep. “Goodnight angel.”