We'll Carry On

Alex freaked out when he woke up.

'This isn't my bed, or my room, or even my house! Where am I!?'

"What the fuck is going on!?" Alex whispered/screamed to no one in particular. His heart rate increased immensely as panic filled him. The bedroom door suddenly burst open, revealing a worried Jack Barakat. Then it hit him; he was at his ex-best friend's house since his parents are assholes.

"Hey Lex, are you okay?" The dark haired boy asked, rushing to Alex's side and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Butterflies fluttered around Alex's insides at this contact, and his heart flipped over at the nickname. The brown haired boy turned to face Jack.

Wow, he's so beautiful up close.

It took every bone in his body for him not to kiss the life out of the person kneeling in front of him. We all know how that went last time.

"Y-yeah, I just sorta forgot I was at your house and panicked" Alex laughed to lighten the mood, but it didn't change much.

"Well, as long as you're fine now it's okay. Anyways do you want any dinner? It's pasta"

Alex's face lit up. Pasta was his favourite food! The brown haired boy began to wonder if Jack remembered that from when they were friends and got his mum to make it, specially for him. Just the thought of his crush caring that much made his cheeks flare pink.

"I'll take that as a yes! I'll see you downstairs, whenever you're ready" and with that, he left.

'Well, I best get my fat ass out of bed then.'

-x-

Dinner couldn't have been more awkward. Alex came up with a conclusion that his entire life was just a combination of awkward situations.

The four of them were sat at the dining room table, Jack and Alex on one side, Mr and Mrs Barakat on the other. Mrs Barakat seemed relaxed, but Mr Barakat was shooting daggers at Alex. If looks could kill, he would've been dead minutes ago. Can't blame him though; Alex was the reason his son fell into depression. Guilt washed over him, thinking about how he ruined Jack's life. It's a heavy weight to carry on your shoulders.

No one spoke. They all just ate quietly and occasionally looked up to see if anyone would break the ice. It definitely would not be Alex. With the way things have gone in his life so far, he'd probably end up offending everyone here and maybe even the neighbours. And their dog whilst he's at it.

Jack sensed that Alex was uncomfortable, and held his hand under the table reassuringly. It was just a friendly gesture, but to Alex it meant the entire world.

'Maybe Jack likes me too?'

A smile spread across his face. His crush maybe likes him back! He wanted to leap onto the table and shout out how happy he was, then climb to the top of the highest mountain and scream out his love for Jack Barakat.

"What's so funny?" Mr Barakat's harsh tone cut through his daydreaming. Alex panicked - what excuse could he use? Of course, his mind went blank.

"Oh, u-um...I, remembered something funny that happened ages ago" Wow, smooth Alex

"Care to share it with us?"

"Bassam!" Mrs Barakat slapped her husband's arm "Be nice, Alex is Jack's friend and our guest!"

"Yeah, because "friends" sent you into self harm and depression!" Alex's heart broke. Jack self harmed over him? He looked over at the dark haired boy with sad eyes. Jack was looking down at his lap, ashamed.

'I did this, I broke the most perfect person in the world. I don't deserve to even be here! I should be dead! I'm a horrible person!'

Alex began tearing up, tears falling onto his plate. He wasn't going to eat it anyways, the guilt had already filled up his stomach. Jack's dad had every right to hate him.

"BASSAM!" Mrs Barakat yelled, shooting a dangerous glare at him. This was all too much. Alex sat up and fled from the kitchen, his sobs becoming louder and more heart breaking.

'Not only have I ruined Jack's life, I am potentially the cause of the Barakat's upcoming divorce. All I am is a home wrecker, nothing more, nothing less. No one likes me, not even my own parents!'

He rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Alex sunk to the floor and cried into his knees. Maybe he should end it all, make everyone's lives better. No one would care, so why not? The brown haired boy rummaged around, in search of a pain inflicting device. Before long he came across a pack of razors.

'Perfect.'

With trembling hands, Alex opened the packet and held one of the metal blades to his pale wrists. It's been years since he's done this, the faint white lines along his arms were almost non existent. Alex then started to rethink this entire thing; does he really want to commit suicide in someone else's bathroom with someone else's razors and when they're still in the house? But then again, they wouldn't care if he was gone. Their only concern would be how to wash the blood out of the bathroom rug.

'Here we go again, stating that an irrelevant object like a carpet holds far more significance than me.'

"Lex! Lex!" His heart skipped several beats as he heard Jack's loud and persistent hammering on the door "Open the door, please!" Alex wanted to, but his body remain froze, kneeling on the whitewashed tile floor. The metal blade hovered over his skin, almost close enough to make a cut. No one will care, so why not just do it? Alex made three long, deep slashes along his wrists, watching the scarlet blood drip onto the floor. Still unsatisfied, he kept clawing away at his arm with the razor until it was impossible to see any skin. The pain was excruciating, but if it meant dying Alex was up for it.

"ALEX WILLIAM GASKARTH OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!" Jack's cries were laced with worry and heartache, cutting through Alex's suicidal thoughts. Maybe this wasn't worth it? Maybe Jack is worth holding on for?

It's too late now, the floor was practically painted with blood, clashing fiercely with the white, and he felt weak. Well at least he can die happy, knowing that Jack may or may not care about his pathetic being.

"ALEX!"

Jack's pleads were sounding more and more desperate as each second passed. Everything started slowly fading into black. Then it hit Alex; he was actually dying. His consciousness was slipping away with every minute. His blood flow is slowing down, his heart is about to stop beating. Everything hurt - physically, mentally and emotionally.

He can't die, there's still so much he needs to know. Like why his parents truly hate him, whether Jack like him or not, whether Green Day will be touring again soon (priorities).

'I can't die, I don't want to die!'

"J-Jack" Alex tried calling out, but it was barely even a whisper. Again and again tried calling to him but each attempt was quieter and weaker than the one before. By this point, Alex was on the verge of losing consciousness.

Suddenly the door burst open, followed by a gasp, but that's all he remembered before his eyes fell shut.