Like You Do
parched lungs
april 27th, 2013
_____
Attempting to pull your keys out of your pocket when you really need both of your hands to hold the extra large, extra cheese, extra bacon pizza, twenty-four boneless buffalo wings, and portfolio full of real estate locations you are carrying is not an easy feat. I tried twirling and manipulating my body in different directions, all to no avail, nearly falling on my ass in the process.
"Shitpissfuck." Catching my shoulders against the back wall of the narrow apartment hallway, I glared at her door as it opened, inch by inch, to reveal her standing there, a purple-nailed hand plastered over a mouth that was grinning too widely to be hidden. How long had she been standing there, watching through the peephole and listening to me bumble around like an idiot?
"And everyone thinks you only swear in your videos for dramatic emphasis." Leaning out into the hall, she snatched the pizza box from me before I could blink, the box of wings nearly tumbling to the floor.
"Damnit." She slapped her one hand down onto the box of wings, smashing it to the pizza box as she turned and disappeared back inside.
I chuckled, shoving myself off of the wall and striding after her.
"Hungry?" I tossed the portfolio down onto the couch and kicked off my shoes.
"Starving." She mumbled at me from where she stood at the small kitchen counter, her mouth already full of pizza. "I haven't eaten a thing all day."
"Apparently. You couldn't even wait to welcome me back first." I moved to the opposite side of the counter and snagged my own piece from the box, simultaneously reaching out and wiping a huge spot of tomato sauce off of her chin with my free hand.
She rolled her eyes in response and I winked at her. We fell silent for a bit, the only sounds in the room coming from our chewing and her fat cat Mooch's high-pitched, begging meows.
"I see Mooch is still himself." I tossed him a piece of bacon, laughing as he inhaled it and then proceeded to snuffle around like a dog.
"Yep, no changes on that front." She sighed, reaching into the wing box and popping one into her mouth before glancing up at me. "You know I missed you, right? I mean, it was only a week and a half that you were gone, but I did miss you."
"Of course I do." I moved around the counter to stand beside her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to me. "I was just playing around before, Gee.
"But I missed you too." I gave the top of her head a quick peck. "I wish you could have seen all of these great places in person."
She pulled back slightly, so that she could look into my eyes, and grinned devilishly.
"Next time I'll come for sure. If I'm going to be trapped in L.A. with you, I at least want a more in-depth say in where it is we're going to be stuck."
Dropping my arms from around her body, I pulled her into a headlock, reaching down and assaulting her armpits with my free hand.
"Stuck? With me. I believe you are mistaken, madam."
"Shit, Mark," she gasped between giggles, "Let me go!"
"Not until you admit that you are a big lying doo-doo head and that it is both an honor and privilege to have the opportunity to live with such an oh-so strong and handsome gentleman." I was starting to laugh myself; my hold wasn't going to last much longer.
"Oh, fuck off, Mark Fischbach."
We exploded into a synchronized fit of laughs, sinking to the floor and leaning on each other as we did. My stomach began to cramp and I tried to focus on breathing and not laughing.
"Shit." I felt a hand mesh into mine. "I really did miss you, you royal ass."
Sighing, I hefted myself up on to my feet, pulling her up with me. I gave her one more long hug before stepping away, in the direction of the fridge.
"Alright, let's pop some tops and go portfolio house-hunting."
_____
Attempting to pull your keys out of your pocket when you really need both of your hands to hold the extra large, extra cheese, extra bacon pizza, twenty-four boneless buffalo wings, and portfolio full of real estate locations you are carrying is not an easy feat. I tried twirling and manipulating my body in different directions, all to no avail, nearly falling on my ass in the process.
"Shitpissfuck." Catching my shoulders against the back wall of the narrow apartment hallway, I glared at her door as it opened, inch by inch, to reveal her standing there, a purple-nailed hand plastered over a mouth that was grinning too widely to be hidden. How long had she been standing there, watching through the peephole and listening to me bumble around like an idiot?
"And everyone thinks you only swear in your videos for dramatic emphasis." Leaning out into the hall, she snatched the pizza box from me before I could blink, the box of wings nearly tumbling to the floor.
"Damnit." She slapped her one hand down onto the box of wings, smashing it to the pizza box as she turned and disappeared back inside.
I chuckled, shoving myself off of the wall and striding after her.
"Hungry?" I tossed the portfolio down onto the couch and kicked off my shoes.
"Starving." She mumbled at me from where she stood at the small kitchen counter, her mouth already full of pizza. "I haven't eaten a thing all day."
"Apparently. You couldn't even wait to welcome me back first." I moved to the opposite side of the counter and snagged my own piece from the box, simultaneously reaching out and wiping a huge spot of tomato sauce off of her chin with my free hand.
She rolled her eyes in response and I winked at her. We fell silent for a bit, the only sounds in the room coming from our chewing and her fat cat Mooch's high-pitched, begging meows.
"I see Mooch is still himself." I tossed him a piece of bacon, laughing as he inhaled it and then proceeded to snuffle around like a dog.
"Yep, no changes on that front." She sighed, reaching into the wing box and popping one into her mouth before glancing up at me. "You know I missed you, right? I mean, it was only a week and a half that you were gone, but I did miss you."
"Of course I do." I moved around the counter to stand beside her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to me. "I was just playing around before, Gee.
"But I missed you too." I gave the top of her head a quick peck. "I wish you could have seen all of these great places in person."
She pulled back slightly, so that she could look into my eyes, and grinned devilishly.
"Next time I'll come for sure. If I'm going to be trapped in L.A. with you, I at least want a more in-depth say in where it is we're going to be stuck."
Dropping my arms from around her body, I pulled her into a headlock, reaching down and assaulting her armpits with my free hand.
"Stuck? With me. I believe you are mistaken, madam."
"Shit, Mark," she gasped between giggles, "Let me go!"
"Not until you admit that you are a big lying doo-doo head and that it is both an honor and privilege to have the opportunity to live with such an oh-so strong and handsome gentleman." I was starting to laugh myself; my hold wasn't going to last much longer.
"Oh, fuck off, Mark Fischbach."
We exploded into a synchronized fit of laughs, sinking to the floor and leaning on each other as we did. My stomach began to cramp and I tried to focus on breathing and not laughing.
"Shit." I felt a hand mesh into mine. "I really did miss you, you royal ass."
Sighing, I hefted myself up on to my feet, pulling her up with me. I gave her one more long hug before stepping away, in the direction of the fridge.
"Alright, let's pop some tops and go portfolio house-hunting."
♠ ♠ ♠
Mehhhhh.