Edge of Our Dreams

Lilly sat alone in the dressing room, her dress for the night hanging up, an array of make up on the dressing table and her phone next to it. She was completely alone. Sarah had given up and left her to get dressed. They’d spent most of the time the show was on talking. Sarah trying to reason with her but in the end she gave in. When Lilly was down it felt almost like a lost cause. She wouldn’t listen to anyone. Tom had had to stay out front and watch the show and Taylor was making sure everything went smoothly.

While Lilly just sat there, tears dried and debating how she did this. Seeing Tom wonder around all those beautiful woman and important people; he looked like he belonged there. Seeing the photographers get photos of him with an array of people and him flash that gorgeous smile reminded Lilly of what his life was like.

“Lilly!” She turned as the door was pushed open and Taylor appeared. “Get dressed come on!” She finally saw Lilly’s face and groaned loudly. “Bitch are you kidding me with this, we did your make up!” Lilly knew Taylor meant well but that really wasn’t the main issue right now. “Right get the make up bag out-“

“Taylor,” Lilly shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“Lilly don’t start, you are going out there and you are going to look gorgeous whether you bother with him or not I couldn’t care less, I’m not making you look gorgeous for him, I’m doing this for you!”

“I don’t care,”

“You will when there’s all those people out there and you have to walk through them to get out!” Taylor muttered fishing out the make up she needed from the bag and chucking some make up remover at Lilly. “Get that mascara mess off,” They were the last words Taylor muttered before she got to work on Lilly’s face. It took half an hour before Taylor shut the door, told her get dressed and get her ass outside. Taylor wasn’t joking, Lilly knew that but part of her still wanted to run. So she did as she was told, slipping on the beautiful green dress, pulling her hair out of a bun and letting it fall past her shoulders and finally sliding on gold heels. The outfit was beautiful, she knew that, she however, did not feel beautiful in it. She took a deep breath in before leaving the room.
Taylor was running down the corridor, heels in hand, as Lilly stepped out. She shot her a big wide smile, in hope that Lilly might just smile back, no such luck.

“Oh come on!”

“I’m coming I’m just not feeling happy about it!”

“Yeah I know, Sarah is already out there so we should go join her before she scares everyone off, or bribes the waiter for alcohol again,” Lilly just smiled and nodded linking arms with Taylor and leading them out. “Don’t let a guy ruin tonight Lilly,”

Those were the last words Taylor uttered to Lilly that night. The whole night was mayhem, Lilly never once stopped to chat to Taylor or Sarah, being whisked from different groups, dancing with different people and never quite catching the waiter with the food. She had to admit by an hour in Tom was not at the for front of her mind; it helped she had no sight of him.

And it wasn’t till midnight that she finally did catch up with him; or at least see him. She dropped onto a chair at a table with Sarah and group of people, watching the dance floor as Tom was on it. She thought it was a complete coincidence, she hadn’t been looking to spot him, it just happened. He held out a hand to another woman leading her to the dance floor. She was older than him, at least 50, well dressed and clearly able to dance. Lilly watched intently, still a little bubble of jealously as she watched; even though she knew Tom wasn’t interested in this woman and she probably wasn’t really interested in anything with him. They were just dancing! No one spoke to her, no one seemed to recognise her sit down, instead she was able to quietly watch him dance. He was the perfect gentleman. He was also an excellent dancer. As he twirled the woman round he caught Lilly’s gaze and smiled softly at her. She wanted him to let the woman go to leave the floor and come over to her, but she knew he couldn’t. The song changed and the woman took him by the arm leading him over to a group of friends; he looked back to Lilly but she’d turned around on the table.

He was going to lose her, she was pulling away, he knew the signs he’d done it so many times before.

She was an intelligent woman, one who would not play games, who wanted a relationship and was ready to commit. She was 26, he remembered his sisters once saying if they weren’t in a serious relationship by 25 it was time to panic. He also knew that was insane but he wondered if Lilly thought the same. Was she looking for the one? It was not him.

“Tom have you met Lady Benton?” Tom looked up hearing Vera the woman he’d been dancing with, the ex wife of a teacher at Eton, speak to him.

“I don’t believe we’ve been introduced,” Tom smiled at the Lady who was a little younger than Vera. She was slim, wearing a stunning dark red evening dress, with long black hair that fell over her shoulders.

“Ah well Lady Mariana Benton, she’s originally from Barcelona was it?” Mariana nodded and held out a hand to Tom. He smiled back introducing himself and listening as she spoke with a thick Spanish accent.

“Mariana has a beautiful daughter about your age,” Tom nodded listening to Vera, this explained why he was meeting the lovely Lady Benton. “Beautiful I tell you she could be a model,” Tom smiled as Mariana agreed. “She’s a lawyer?”

“Training yes, she’s 27, lives in Kensington, such a lovely area,” Mariana added. “You should get in touch some time, Vera says you live close by,”

“Mhmm,” Tom nodded keeping up his perfect smile. “Close, I shall try, work keeps me very busy at the moment,” He noticed Lilly walk towards the bar the beautiful green of her dress catching his eye. He paused in his sentence attracting the attention of both woman. “Sorry excuse me one minute I just need to speak to someone about something, I am so sorry,” Both woman nodded watching him walk away, he could predict what they were saying, gossiping about what he was doing and the beautiful woman he was about to speak to.

“Lilly,” He spoke quietly coming up behind her as the barman passed her a shot of what was possibly whiskey, he gestured for another and waited for her to look towards him. She finished the drink and turned slowly her eyes already a little teary.

“This needs to be over I think,” Tom sighed and downed the shot, asking for another one as he put his hand over Lilly’s.

“You’ve thought about this?”

“Can we do this outside? I don’t want people watching,”

“People are always watching Lilly,”

“That is why it needs to be over,” Tom sighed as she took her hand away and slid off the bar stool. She walked away from Tom but he followed anyway; he knew it was over.

“You don’t have a place for me in your life,” Lilly said simply. “That is not your fault it is mine,” She whispered squeezing his arm and then stepping away. “Tom I take up far too much of your time, I take up a big proportion, which is my fault not yours, you warned me, you told me the line, and yet I still carried on! And Tom,” She paused looking deep into his ridiculously gorgeous eyes, the softness of his look made her want to cry. Hold it together she mentally punished herself for being weak.

“Tom I need out before I get even deeper in and completely break down,” He nodded and took her hand back pulling her closer; god he gave good hugs.

“Lilly I am so very sorry for this,” He whispered into her hair taking a deep breath in. “I wish I could say that it would all be okay, and I could give us more time, change my life, but Lilly I can’t,”

“I know,”

“I wish we could work but I am never going to force you,” She let go and nodded biting down hard on her lip and closing her eyes. “I am going to go because I do not think I am making this any easier, but please call me when you are ready, let me know you are okay,” He said simply. “Or if you change your mind Lilly, please if you change your mind let me know,” He said a little more desperately, which made her open her eyes and take one long last look. “Goodnight darling,” He whispered stepping away, Lilly just nodding standing there and hugging herself tightly. God it hurt, a horrible pain throughout her body made her feel like her whole throat was closing up. She might just collapse at any minute.

“Oh ducky!” Sarah scooped her up into her arms and Taylor appeared the other side. “Let’s get garlic bread and go home,” Lilly just nodded letting the girls hug her. Lilly looked up just to see Tom go back into the party, he would never give up work.