Solar Flair

Chapter Three
Nightmares

It was yet another sleepless night for me and the only way I could think of to cope with it was to train myself. Even though John was on the hunt for Dorian with the rest of his family. I still needed to discipline and train myself. My life was in constant danger and I couldn’t let my guard down for a second. Dean showed me that more than anything. I moved fast repeating the same combinations over and over again with the silver stakes John had given me. My eyes narrowed and focused on my target as sweat rolled down from my forehead.

I tuned everything else out around me and kept pushing myself harder thinking about Dorian and how he had tried to kill me. How helpless I felt. I thought about how Dean let me down. Letting me believe we would always have each other. That I would be protected and safe forever. It was all a lie. I couldn’t count on anyone. I was alone, even in a house full of vampires. I was alone. In the end I was the only one that could save me. I had been so focused that I didn’t notice him watching me closely.

“You should take a brake”.
Jasper’s voice caught me off guard, I looked back at him lowering my silver stakes. I was breathless from how hard I had pushed myself. Jasper walked towards me with a towel in hand and a bottle of water.
“At least give yourself time to catch your breath”.
I sighed holstering the stakes in my belt and taking the towel and water from him. I dried off before sitting down next to Jasper and taking a drink. Jasper looked over at me and I could see the concern in his eyes. I smirked to myself shaking my head.

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’ll be fine”.
I assured him. Jasper sighed shaking his head as he looked towards the training dummy.
“You’re angry, no matter how much you pretend you’re ok. I know different because for some reason, we’re connected”.
Jasper said. I shook my head getting to my feet walking back to the dummy.
“No, you’re connected to Alice. That’s who you will always be connected to”.
I said getting ready to start again. Jasper stood shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Your mother ran out on you when you were three days old”.
Jasper said. I looked back at him shocked that he’d say that since I hadn’t talked about myself really with the Cullen’s.

“The whole town you lived in treated you like crap because you were different, gifted in ways they didn’t believe were right. Your grandmother is your best friend and you look up to your father because he continues to fight off demons to make the world a better place for you. And despite all of that. You can’t overcome your deeply rooted complex that something is wrong with you. Which just circles back to your mother running out on you at three days old”.
Jasper continued. I looked away from him curling my hands into fists around the stakes.
“Because of it, you push people away because you don’t want to be abandon again. And you believed that Dean wasn’t like the others."
Jasper started.

" But he was, except he was worse because despite his memory loss and gut feeling that something was off. He still came to you and started a relationship with you. And that’s made you angrier. Now on top of all the stuff you were already dealing with. You find out that angels have chosen you for some great task to become a vampire and change the world. And that adds to your anger and your urge to rebel. Accept you can’t because that would mean abandoning billions of people the way your mother abandon you. And you would rather die than do that”.

Jasper finished. I had tears in my eyes as I looked at him having dropped the stakes now as tears rolled down my cheeks. Jasper looked at me with the same concern and worry he always looked at me with.
“You’re depressed, and scared and alone. Now if I was still completely connected to Alice could I know all these things about you?”
Jasper asked.

I shook my head looking away from him. Jasper sat down on the bench looking at me.
“I feel more connected to you then I have anyone ever in all my existence. And that includes Alice. It’s a hard pill to swallow for me but it’s the truth and I won’t lie to myself anymore. We are connected for a reason, and I think it’s a reason that’s bigger then both of us”.
Jasper said as he found my gaze again.

I sat down hard on the floor.
“I have nightmares about dying”.
I whispered. Jasper stood walking over and sitting next to me on the floor. He put his arm around my shoulders.
“How can I die to become a vampire when I haven’t lived?”
I whispered through my tears. Jasper kept his arm around my shoulders as I leaned into him tears rolling down my cheeks. He smiled down at me.

“Then you can make a list. Everything you want to do before the summer solstice comes”.
Jasper said. I looked up at him and he dried my eyes smiling down at me.
“I’ll make sure you get to do everything on it. I promise”.
I smiled at him giving a nod. Jasper brought me to my feet.
“You know, if you need more training after your change. I could help you”.
Jasper said. I raised an eyebrow at him.
“How? You don’t seem the combat sort”.
Jasper laughed to himself.
“I have experience. Trust me”.

I nodded to him.
“I never want to be a burden to anyone. I guess that’s another abandonment complex huh?”
I said. Jasper tucked my hair behind my ear smiling at me.
“It isn’t your fault. And you’re not a burden to me. I’m glad you’re here and keeping you safe is important to me”.
I was touched by Jasper’s words. Knowing that he was glad to keep me safe. It made the pain go away just a little.