Beautiful/Terrible

It was the next day and we were all planning on going to visit Lexi in the hospital. Nobody had heard any news other than that she was okay, whatever that meant. It seemed that nowadays medically speaking, “okay” was either perfectly healthy or okay just for now. I figured it was the second of the two.
I turned to my sister Ronnie, who was currently dominating my doorway.
“What do you want?” I asked her.
“You stole my lipgloss,” she accused me.
I groaned, “I did not steal your fucking lipgloss, Ronnie,”
“Well if you didn’t steal it then you won’t mind me looking through your makeup,” she said.
“You just want to look through my makeup so you can steal my shit, you klepto,” I told her.
She fauxed a gasp before exclaiming, “No!”
Get the fuck out of my room, Ronnie,” I snapped at her.
“Make me,” she taunted.
I shut the door in her face, stubbing her toe in the process.
“Fucking hell!” I heard her muffled scream.
I smirked. Now that that problem was taken care of… Lexi.
I quickly got dressed in a dark purple chiffon maxi dress. I quickly ran out into my driveway, where Courtney was idling.
I got into the car, where she greeted me and we drove off. Allen and Drew were in the back seat. I was told that James and Grace were coming later after their Bio Med class, so basically after school.
We drove in concentrated silence, each worrying in our own separate ways. I bet if James were here he would be talking constantly, trying to distract from the depression and nerves.
Courtney just concentrated on the road, emotionless. Drew sat in the back staring at the window. His eyes were red so either he was crying or smoking weed. By the smell in the car I guessed it was weed, however when I saw a tear roll down his cheek I concluded that it was both. Allen was calm but I knew that he was probably torn up inside. He had that Pisces moon inside of him, so he dealt with his emotions internally, calmly, and dreamily- in his head.
We pulled up into the parking lot of the hospital and stepped into the building.
We were immediately met with the harsh smell of disinfectant, hand soap, and old people. The sounds of beeps and whirs, and soft talking, filled the air. It was brightly lit and everything was a horrible color scheme of white walls and tan curtains.
We walked up to the receptionist and asked to visit Lexi Dunham. She told us the room number and we wove our way through the winding halls of the hospital. Passing room after room, each one looked the exact same, the only difference being the vibes being emitted from the rooms. Some were scared, some were angry, some were very depressing.
Finally we found the correct room and entered.
Lexi lay in a bed, her two mothers Roseanne and Josie sat beside her, their faces stained with old tears.
“Hello,” I spoke up timidly.
“Hello, dear,” Roseanne said.
“How is she?” Courtney asked quietly.
“They call it psychosis. They’re saying that she probably has schizophrenia, but they have to go through some testing.”
The room was silent for a moment, everybody absorbing what they had just heard.
“Schizophrenia?” Drew asked, as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
“Yes,” Josie said calmly. She was a tough woman. She continued, “They’re saying that it was brought on by her abusive father and then worsened by the traumatic experience with the pregnancy. Now she has paranoid type schizophrenia, which was made prevalent by her excessive use of lysergic acid diethylamide- acid.”
“Shit,” Allen said, “Shit, just shit.”
Again, we were stunned into silence, until this time it was Lexi who spoke up.
“Why are you guys here?” she said drowsily, “I told you guys to leave me alone you stalkers.”
Apparently, she was still delusional, but on heavy medication.
“The doctors have been able to convince her that she isn’t going to be killed, but she still has delusions of everyone else being a stalker or threat.” Roseanne explained.
“Oh,” I said.
Drew slowly walked over to the bed and tried to get close in an attempt to comfort Lexi, but she was not having any of it. She started squirming, but not screaming thankfully, under his light touch.
Josie finally spoke up in a decisive tone, “I think you guys should go.”
All of our heads snapped up at once.
“But why?” Drew exclaimed.
“She was making a lot of progress before you guys came here. I fear your presence is a stressor.”
Drew tried to argue, but Allen laid a hand on his shoulder, “Let it be,” and then walked out. We all followed him back into the car, where Allen drove this time. Everyone was confused where we were going, but I knew the way by heart.
The field.
We pulled up in front of the middle school and Allen stopped the car.
“What are we doing in this shithole?” asked Courtney.
“This,” Allen began, “Is the most important place in my life.”
As if sensing the importance, everyone shut up and silently agreed to follow.
We headed out to the field in the back of the building, Allen at the head of the pack. He led us to those cold metal bleachers that I loved so much, and when he arrived he sat down, and then laid flat on his back. He instructed for the rest to us to follow.
We all lined up on the bleachers and began laying on our backs. After a few minutes of silence, and probably confusion, Drew finally spoke up, “What are we supposed to do next?”
“Nothing,” Allen answered, “Just relax and let your senses roam free,” and as he said this I physically felt all of my beloved friends release and decompress. I felt their energies that they were holding in finally being let go; the field tended to do that to people.
I felt the air so cool against my skin. It was almost December now and the earth was cooling. The leaves had long ago changed colors and I could hear them rustling in the background of my imagination, all of the fear and hurt that I felt I set free, and with them a heavy burden was thrown off of my shoulders into the wind.
I wanted to be one with these people. They were my friends, my real family. They were there for me and hurt with me. They accepted me and understood me, even though I didn’t always understand myself. God, I wished Lexi was here.
“I love you all so much, I want to be with you forever,” I spoke.
“I know a way we can be,” said Allen.
“How?” Courtney said.
“In blood and spirit. Gather around everybody, and strip.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Courtney pestered, following his instruction nonetheless. She quickly disrobed in the frigid air. I did the same, and I felt my skin raise into small dots of goosebumps.
We gathered into a circle and Allen pulled out a small switchblade from his pocket. He then slowly slit a line into the skin of his forearm, wincing in the process.
I watched as the dark red liquid began to bleed down the surface of his skin. I sucked in my breath at the slightly orgasmic sight.
Allen carefully handed the blade to Drew, who was to his right.
“This is blood brothers. We all make an incision into our forearms and press them together, letting out blood flow through one another. That way, we will be together for forever, eternally bonded in our youth,” Allen explained.
“I don’t know about this,” said Courtney.
“Don’t you want to be together as one?” I asked Courtney.
“Yeah… I’ll do it,” she said with uncertainty.
Drew grabbed the blade without questioning it and closed his eyes. Quickly, he drew a red line in his arm and handed me the knife.
I took the knife with precision and purpose. It felt heavy and light in my hand all at once. I slowly dragged the edge across my fair skin and it felt cold, inside of me. I felt the harsh and unforgiving sting as it dug and made a path through my skin. I breathed in. I felt the blood slowly bead along a dotted line before collecting into a continuous stream, and then rolling down the length of my arm. I grimaced and then forced a smile. Done.
I passed the knife to Courtney with a genuine smile this time. She shook her head.
“Can you do it for me? I don’t think I can do it myself.”
“Okay,” I responded.
I flicked the length of the blade across her skin and she bled slowly, and then rapidly down, making a trail to her elbow.
We all looked at Allen for guidance.
“Now we press them together,” he confirmed. He took Drew’s arms and pressed their wounds together, then doing the same with Courtney simultaneously. Courtney pressed her injury against mine and then I linked up with Drew. Together, we made a chain of shared blood, and it was beautiful. I felt the pain and that was terrible.
We stood there for a few minutes, absorbing one another’s essences.
When we got bored eventually, Courtney disconnected from me and pulled out a bag from her pant pocket. Weed.
“Anyone want a light?” she inquired.
All of us nodded.
Once we rolled up we smoked up and everything was moving faster than I was and my mouth was dry. I kept laughing and burping and Drew was paranoid as fuck. It was sadly reminiscent of Lexi and killed the mood just as quickly as the weed ignited it. We were imperfect.
“No matter what, we have to promise that we’ll help her. Agreed?” Drew proposed.
Everyone nodded.
“No,” he said. I want to hear you say it. Say it out loud. What will you do?” He commanded.
“Help her.”